I said "I don't want you to learn alone" and it was interpreted as "you shouldn't be learning alone." I see those as very different. My motivation was that I've been told several times "I can learn on my own." And I find it entirely beside the point. What could I say instead?
rhetorically the emphasis is on "not learning alone". Try flipping that. "I want to be present while you learn", "I want you to have someone with you as you learn" ... etc. What DO you want, rather than NOT want
Okay not to harp (to harp) but HOW COME when I say "I don't want you to stay up late" that is not taken as "you shouldn't be staying up late" or is it just bc I have been saying that since before he could value my opinion
That one seems more familiar like yeah I should get more sleep so Iām not sleepy. The learning with a companion one is less obvious, to me and probably to him.
Regardless I tried again and still failed.
Okay! It seems like the main problem was he didn't know what to do with the information so he assumed it was judgment. With sleep he knows what to do with the information (which is not to say it works/matters)
I told him that there may come a time when he has a choice and this information can inform his choice and he accepted that.
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Hmmm I don't know what I want. I just know that society will let us burn out and never tell us we are working too hard. There's something you get out of not being isolated in learning that you can't replicate in isolation. But some of us won't find out naturally.
" There's something you get out of not being isolated in learning that you can't replicate in isolation. But some of us won't find out naturally. " .... "and I want him to have that something" ...?
Yes! .. I did try to explain that but it was overshadowed by my original statement. But I guess I didn't say explicitly that this is what I meant, he might have thought I was just saying Why i felt that way.
I suspect it's the difference of ease accommodating what you "don't want" versus what you "would want". Part of the growing pains for kids is having to test so many boundaries while also incorporating advice. Sleep and staying up late have a boundary (fatigue and exhaustion).
"With whom you can and should learn" as opposed to "learning alone" is much more vague, and kids are going to try to test boundaries while asking for clarification. It's "stop making all the same mistakes I've already made!" exasperation territory.
"Where" is another option. Studying at a library might provide peace, quiet, and a change of scenery without being alone if approriate.