Monbiot’s Law of Leaving the House: T = 2(A² + 3C²) Where T is time taken to get out the door in minutes, A is adults and C is children. TLDR: if you’re herding more than five children, you'll never get out.
Replies
Good morning 🌞 Blessings upon you and your A+3C.
aug 25, 2025, 9:34 am • 0 0 • view
I blame the Cast Iron Rule drummed into us by our mums: "Go before you go". This massively delays us every single time.
aug 25, 2025, 11:54 am • 1 0 • view
There’s also McIntosh’s Law for getting students back onto a minibus. Less algebraic than yours: it’s simply that the time varies with the square of their number. One could add correcting factors for such as inebriation … but this is Bluesky.
aug 26, 2025, 7:16 am • 5 0 • view
The leader of my walking group stood no nonsense. Towards the end of our lunch break he would announce 'Five minutes!' He then set off purposefully in two!
aug 26, 2025, 7:20 am • 3 0 • view
Yes, I sometimes think you have to just set a time and then drive off. You’d only have to do it once if timed for just before the midges come out.
aug 26, 2025, 8:08 am • 2 0 • view
Did that on my cycle rides, pre and post introduction of mobile phones. A couple of minutes grace and then off. Phoning up to ask us to wait....sorry no
aug 26, 2025, 8:14 am • 1 0 • view
Latecomers think “It was just 5 minutes”. But if 12 people have been kept waiting that renders them generous with an hour of other people’s time.
aug 26, 2025, 11:04 am • 2 0 • view
🤣🤣🤣
aug 26, 2025, 8:22 am • 0 0 • view
Ha, ha. Just stay at home.
aug 25, 2025, 9:51 am • 2 0 • view
I have a solution: Wolves.
aug 25, 2025, 9:30 am • 9 0 • view
robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/ive-got-a-...
aug 25, 2025, 10:06 pm • 1 0 • view
-erhampton wanders? But harsh to make them support a bang average midlands football team just because they have to be reminded three times to brush their teeth If they leave on time can they support a good team?
aug 25, 2025, 9:52 am • 1 0 • view
I see you are not a dedicated George reader. www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...
aug 25, 2025, 9:56 am • 1 0 • view
🤣
aug 25, 2025, 10:12 am • 0 0 • view
George has always been a wolf man www.theguardian.com/environment/...
aug 25, 2025, 10:16 am • 2 0 • view
I can see the appeal but IMHO foxes are even better.
aug 25, 2025, 12:04 pm • 0 0 • view
hahahahahaha
aug 25, 2025, 10:07 am • 0 0 • view
One of the first things I learnt when I was a new Parent, was not to plan to do too many things in a day. One thing is fine. Two things is 'ok' Three things is a push Four things, - no-one has EVER done four different things with kids in a day !
aug 25, 2025, 12:08 pm • 1 0 • view
Maybe needs an additional variable related to the age of A. For A > 70 especially, extra time required to find matching socks, shoes (I left the house once with odd shoes on), keys etc. A constant can be added for the scale of OCD of each adult, to check heating, water, lights turned off.
aug 25, 2025, 9:27 am • 9 0 • view
You have to match socks?
aug 25, 2025, 9:30 am • 1 0 • view
If my wife is there, yes. If she is not, extra time to wrestle with my conscience. A favourite Bob Monkhouse riff on Bishop Berkeley: "If I say something, and my wife is not there to hear it, am I still wrong?
aug 25, 2025, 9:37 am • 2 0 • view
Also C between 13 and 18.
aug 25, 2025, 9:28 am • 9 0 • view
It's the point when your 15yr old decides to go to the loo leaving everyone else stood on the mat with their shoes, coats, bags keys in hand, dog on lead that is particularly painful.
aug 25, 2025, 1:09 pm • 2 0 • view
*grunts*
aug 25, 2025, 9:03 pm • 0 0 • view
aug 25, 2025, 9:48 am • 0 0 • view
we have four kids and two adults to get out the door by 7:30 and according to this I should be starting the process in four minutes. pray for us.
aug 25, 2025, 9:47 am • 4 0 • view
Waiting for wife can greatly increase T.
aug 25, 2025, 5:08 pm • 0 0 • view
Multiply by D for dog(s) and your speed will double
aug 25, 2025, 11:11 am • 1 0 • view
I don't think this is quite right. As long as A < C then additional adults tend to reduce T. It's only once there as many adults as kids that additional adults slow things down.
aug 25, 2025, 10:28 am • 2 0 • view
Adults includes people aged over 60, and the subset of over-60s who are over 80. And it includes adults of all ages who aren’t the parents of the children.
aug 25, 2025, 9:28 pm • 0 0 • view
We always used ETD (estimated time to departure) - the time it took my wife & I to get the kids in the car & go somewhere (pushchairs, Calpol, nappy sacks, change of clothes etc) At one point we had 5 children under 8 Our ETD at that point was 45 mins
aug 25, 2025, 10:26 am • 0 0 • view
I barely dare say it, but I think the formula also needs to account for the gender of the children.
aug 25, 2025, 9:48 am • 0 0 • view
Shouldn't there be rather 3^C?
aug 25, 2025, 9:22 am • 3 0 • view
I was thinking more 3C! - proportional to the number of combinations of They’re Looking At Me etc.
aug 25, 2025, 10:09 am • 2 0 • view
I'm not convinced the C shouldn't be to the 3rd power.
aug 26, 2025, 2:38 am • 2 0 • view
An underestimate imho....and there should be a modifier for children still in nappies and another modifier for the known likelihood of ice cream, friends, biscuits etc. at the destination
aug 25, 2025, 11:43 am • 1 0 • view
And if the adults are grandparents best stay in 🤣
aug 25, 2025, 9:58 am • 1 0 • view
Whenever I need to get my daughter and wife to leave the house I yell: 'Come on you guys, the mice aren't going to hang about in this dimension all day'.
aug 25, 2025, 7:15 pm • 0 0 • view
Makes you appreciate the work done in daycares. What's going on there?
aug 25, 2025, 11:17 am • 1 0 • view
Haha! I had 5 children following a surprise twin pregnancy, and now an embarrassingly large number of grandchildren for a climate activist. I do relate to this, but I think with 5 they quickly learn to cooperate for the greater good...not that it didn't descend into chaos on occasions.
aug 25, 2025, 4:28 pm • 1 0 • view
If anyone without children asks my advice about having children I ask one simple but important question. How much do you like side quests?
aug 25, 2025, 12:23 pm • 0 0 • view
Excellent equation. Oh, I think we need to be moving on. Half an hour later, they’re still gassing on.
aug 25, 2025, 3:50 pm • 1 0 • view
This is why many families never went on vacations or even went to sit down restaurants until the boomers started having kids and families were smaller.
aug 25, 2025, 4:01 pm • 0 0 • view
Are you sure?
aug 25, 2025, 1:47 pm • 0 0 • view
My dad has a similar version but simpler: for each additional person, add 15 minutes (remarkably accurate)
aug 25, 2025, 2:20 pm • 0 0 • view
If ironing prior to departure factor in go back to check time to journey. I would imagine...
aug 25, 2025, 9:21 am • 3 0 • view
i have 1 5 year old C and however long i think it should reasonably take to leave the house, i always add an additional 10 minutes.
aug 25, 2025, 1:00 pm • 1 0 • view
If there’s more than five the. Some of those children have to become self sufficient early
aug 25, 2025, 2:05 pm • 0 0 • view
Considering both adults equal would be a serious flaw in my house
aug 25, 2025, 10:53 am • 0 0 • view
If you add 1 cat then the time increases to fill all the time that ever existed in the universe plus one.
aug 25, 2025, 9:21 am • 9 0 • view
😆
aug 25, 2025, 9:28 am • 1 0 • view
A should have a gender modifier. I decide to leave the house, it's just putting my shoes on and finding my phone. For my husband it's planning of all eventualities, leading to faff at best and paralysis at worst. Many men seem to require encouragement in my experience?
aug 25, 2025, 9:55 am • 1 0 • view
To reduce T, round up all the mobile phones of the Adults and the Children and take them 20m from the house. The As and the Cs will soon follow.
aug 25, 2025, 9:30 pm • 1 0 • view
It makes a sharp turnaround in my house these days: kids have long left for school, while I, in home office, am dragging my feet and getting neither much work done nor out of the house.
aug 25, 2025, 9:21 am • 6 0 • view
If you want to breed a gridiron team , it is entirely your own fault.
aug 25, 2025, 12:31 pm • 0 0 • view
Does this also relate to the Dickens' quote from Pickwick Papers " One boy is a boy ,two boys is half a boy and three boys is no boys at all"
aug 26, 2025, 8:53 am • 0 0 • view
😆
aug 25, 2025, 10:44 am • 1 0 • view
Also have to factor in one adult and how ever many children you input not using the loo before they leave
aug 25, 2025, 1:17 pm • 1 0 • view
You need to start planning the day before.
aug 25, 2025, 9:50 am • 1 0 • view
But what about dogs?
aug 25, 2025, 8:52 pm • 1 0 • view
they do dog stuff, which can't be quantified. if we had their noses, sniffing would provide the answer, and it's not 42
aug 25, 2025, 9:02 pm • 1 0 • view
You should split up the A in M and 10W
aug 25, 2025, 9:50 am • 0 0 • view
Not to be extra rude, but your formula isn’t taking into account the number of female children and the length of hair. I’ll see myself out, it’s going to be a while though.
aug 25, 2025, 11:54 am • 1 0 • view
What happens, as the number of children increases, so does your tolerance for unmatched socks, unbraided/brushed hair and packed-lunch.
aug 25, 2025, 9:47 am • 0 0 • view
I see you skilfully avoided the women verses men argument. My wife used to take longer but I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older it’s me that takes longer.
aug 25, 2025, 10:15 am • 0 0 • view
Leave one behind once in a while and you get some efficiencies.
aug 25, 2025, 2:50 pm • 1 0 • view
T is a subjective measure. add a solid dose of D (Dudeist Wisdom) and the time becomes a pleasure, where you lean back and rejoice in your loved ones doing what they do... T becomes kinda pointless, because the mere existence of kids doing kid stuff is the essence of happiness me? I have dogs
aug 25, 2025, 9:01 pm • 0 0 • view
Any additional needs puts a whole new dimension on this! 45 mins for my ADHD to have a meltdown about leaving the house at all, someone losing the shoe they had on their feet mere minutes before, getting to the car to find that clothes have been put on back to front and inside out. T=🤪😭
aug 25, 2025, 9:34 am • 2 0 • view
Only quadratic? I would expect at least an exponential.
aug 25, 2025, 10:55 am • 2 0 • view
There is also ‘the infinite peeing loop’ that you can get sucked into if not everybody can pee in time before one needs to pee again 🤷🏻♂️
aug 25, 2025, 8:13 pm • 1 0 • view
aug 25, 2025, 11:00 am • 2 0 • view
… + K where K is the number of items that need to be double checked (cooker off? door really, really locked? bathroom window shut?)
aug 26, 2025, 6:50 am • 1 0 • view
We need a way to get these people out of the door to stop them from making more kids.
aug 25, 2025, 10:07 am • 0 0 • view
If there's more than five it's a high probability some of the technical children are deputized into nominal adults
aug 25, 2025, 10:40 am • 1 0 • view
Divided by the energy level of A , which is usually a negative number ;)
aug 25, 2025, 9:52 am • 0 0 • view