I was adamant in that. I wasn't going to hurt anyone. I was excited that I didn't have to. I didn't kill anyone by mistake. I just died, a lot, a LOT a lot. And I mean, the normal things that happen when you play Undertale happened to me; I laughed so hard I started coughing more than once.
I lost faith in myself multiple times, but especially on the Undyne fight. Papyrus kicked my ass, but Undyne wrecked my shit so hard I was afraid I wouldn't be able to progress in the game. Again, chat was there for me. Told me the game is hard. Told me you're supposed to have a hard time.
Encouraged me to keep at it. Helped me when I didn't have any more faith in myself, and the "stay determined" message wasn't enough for me, but the real people there telling me that I could do it, were. I eventually did it. I slowly gained confidence after that. After making it past Undyne.
I didn't want to fight Asgore. The game makes you fight, and I despaired. Chat was there for me again, explaining that there really was no other way; telling me how many hours they had spent trying to find another way. Another universal experience.
Of course I cried at the end, and then I was shocked to find out that there was more. That I could go back and make even more friends. The depth of the full pacifist route left my head spinning. The game goes in so many directions; deals with SO many concepts.
I have always had a deep love for cerebral media that makes you think. The only kind of horror I enjoy is psychological horror, and God, is Undertale full of it. Oh, I struggled so hard on the Flowey and Asriel fights, too, but I kept at it. By that time, the game had already changed me.
It changed me forever. I was never able to go back and do a G route. As my friend said, I cared too much about the little pixel people. But Toby clocked me again, speaking through Flowey at the end of the G route playthrough video I watched, GIVING ME SHIT for not having the balls to do it myself.
Playing Undertale opened doors for me that have been closed for, I don't know how long. I have another one of those "I can't tell you how much this game means to me" stories, all true. I fell deeply in love with the game, and I feel no less than blessed that Deltarune is also a thing.
So, yeah. Game changed me forever. Oh, & Alphys. I will never be able to say how grateful I am for Toby writing Alphys. For letting a suicidal character exist in his game, and explaining very clearly why she feels the way she feels, and making routes where she makes it, and routes where she doesn't.
Because I have been told not to talk about it, and you know? That's kind of the worst thing you can say to someone who feels suicidal and is trying to reach out. Thank you for reaching out to us, Toby.
Undertale is a game about letting you know that it's okay to exist as you are, and that you can love a character who isn't getting everything right. Every single one of the main characters has fucked up, and every single one of the main characters is doing their best with what they got.