I swear your company has the same "training" provider as me Example Q: "Brian and Linda are old friends, but work for different companies now and turns out they're bidding for the same work. Should Brian accept a fancy dinner from Linda and let her company have a free run at the tender in return"

Yes because Brian doesn't give a fuck. Sorry 😞

ha ha, this is exactly the kind of question you get. I am amazed anyone ever fails these courses

"Gosh, Mr S. Lushfund, of 999 Destroythis Drive, Cayman Islands, sure does a lot of consultancy for us. Good for him."

- guys under the age of 30 named Derek

I mean, FOR GOD'S SAKE. Slides like this are such a waste of time

I guess they’re hoping you remember at least this one slide when completing your course evaluation form.

It reeks of AI. And her right hand is making my teeth itch.

ha, yes, I hadn't spotted that!

Bad 90s RPG vibes 😬

ha ha, yes

anyway, they will now stop chasing me, thank God.

there’s an art to getting through those terrible corporate training modules as quickly as possible and paying the minimum attention necessary to click in the right place. I’ve had to do the same slightly racist one on fraud for about 10 years and I’m sure I could pass it with my eyes closed

It's not the same since these type of courses stopped using the stock photo of 'man in balaclava while using laptop'

Training like that has nothing to do with you understanding the subject better. It has everything to do with being able to throw you under the bus if you make a mistake. “well you did receive training…”

In my experience, it is sadly more banal than that. When the auditors come around to renew your certifications, a question will be "Is your workforce aware of Corporate Tax evasion?" The company can say, "yes, we have a 100% compliance on taking the course."

yes, exactly

Just did my bribery one. “What would you do if someone offered you cash to sign a contract?” Apparently “take it then send a mail saying I’m not important enough to make deal” is wrong

Honestly, there's no room for creativity in how you deal with dodgy shit these days. Probably because of woke.

Ah, the number of baseball, hockey (ice) and basketball games I used to see in the hospitality suite of some vendor back in the day. Never changed the decision on a vendor, as it was well above my pay grade. But so many free chicken wings and beer watching the ball-sport.

Just wait till you have to do the IT security online class. "You get an e-mail happyshopper309484@hotmail.com with an attachment. What do you do?"

oh, I've done those ...

So you’re great at doing corporate crimes or stopping them?

As a result of this e-learning course I can now spot tax evasion and can therefore sidle up to the baddies and demand to be cut in as a bribe to stop me grassing them up.

This is my dream.

Rent-collecting threats - the best place 👍

Financial crime courses are my favourite. Every year in any organisation I get 100% and wonder if I could write a crime novel from my experience.

I absolutely loathe compliance training courses.

me too. Appalling waste of time

Not for benefit of employees, just companies covering their legal arses.

I work at one of the big 4 and its the same- eat the cold porridge and move on coz its not gonna change !

Oh, FFS.

it's SO BAD

Is this deck the source of Gemini's self-loathing? In a crowded field of nonsense, this is absolutely outstanding.

I don't know if Gemini had a hand in it, but it is now the source of me cringing so hard all the way through that I am now inside out

Can't imagine how anyone wrote this without cringeing themselves into some sort of spasm.

“Documents labelled “The Fiddle””