My mother is a terrible cook. Never seasons, doesn’t read recipes, uses moldy ingredients. Yet, no one in my family has the heart to tell her. Tonight she keeps texting my family possible meals she can bring - and no one is responding. What’s a nice way for us to end this once and for all?
Alcohol.
Tell her dinner is covered and she should just come and enjoy herself
Be truthful. It may sting a little but it's better than the deception.
Honestly yes. And giving the details of why is better than just saying it's bad. She probably knows she's bad and wants to know how she can improve. Some people think they're too old to learn new things.
Hey, Mom, you've been cooking for us for years and years. It's time we took over and let you rest.
Tell her you all are ordering takeout to spare her from cooking?
Surely posting this for the permanent internet to see forever will eventually get back to her or your Dad. Maybe some private discussions among the family won’t make her or other family members feel betrayed or wonder if they should ever trust family again.
No they’re not on social media
Good that you try to protect them. My friends parents got wind of things from neighbors that were implied about them from older siblings or grandkids on Facebook…and what was said behind their backs. They felt a bit betrayed. They hated the rise of social media to tell the world family troubles.
How about telling her, she’s cooked for them all her life, let them cook for her now.
Does she have to bring a whole meal? Is there one dish she makes that is better or safer than others? Sorry to hear about your un-Thanksgiving (she is aware that she caused that, right?).
Oh yes
Oh, noes. Best of luck!
Be honest, tell her the truth.
Accidentally send her your post
Pull the band-aid.
Ask her to bring a favorite cocktail recipe and all the ingredients instead of cooking.
Have her bring flowers for the table.
Then she brings crusty moldy ass flowers lol
"Thanks Mom. We have it all taken care of. Looking forward to spending time with you" Good luck. I can't imagine having to be worried about moldy ingredients. I hope no one has gotten sick.
Literally we all got food poisoning at Thanksgiving one year
Yikes!
That would have been the last straw for me. Oh bless y’all if you’re still letting her cook after that. My mom is a great cook but she has terrible food hygiene. One of our kids has celiac. He can’t eat anything grandma makes even if it’s gluten free. She cross contaminates almost everything.
Say you have everything you need but could use some ice cream for dessert that she could pick up from the store.
This is the BEST suggestion!
Thanks!
I was trying for an answer similar to this, but I like you as much better
You probably kept it going too long for complete honesty. While normally honesty is the best policy. But just tell her you got it all covered, she doesnt need to bring anything. "No ma, i don't want it." Be firm.
"How about if you let us give you a break from cooking, Mom?" Could you bring the wine/beer/beverages instead? What was that wine/beer/beverage you said you really liked? Bring that!"
Long term solution is to take her to an evening cooking class to expose her to seasonings, etc. Fun night out with Mom and you can fib a bit and say someone gifted a cooking class to you
This is a great idea.
"Mother it's our turn to cook for you, you do so much for us let us do something for you" ❤️❤️❤️
Oh my goodness, Mom, you’re so sweet. We’ve got it covered this time but if you insist, we’d love it if you could bring a pie, cake, coffee, or an appetizer plate. Thank you so much!
So...not to be a downer but the moldy ingredients thing is really worrisome?
Usually ok for cheese. For bread, green or white is technically alright...black or red could kill ya dead.
::blink:: very few molds on food are safe to eat. The mold that is intentionally grown on blue cheese is, mostly. Any color on bread, is not, though at different levels of not safe for certain.
It's not the mold specifically. My MIL was diagnosed with dementia this year. We slowly watched as her decision-making got weirder & eventually unsafe before she was finally treated. This kind of thing is a big red flag for mental decline.
I was just responding to the person saying moldy bread is ok to eat :)
Tell your mom: “I love you so much! I want to live a long life with you. Please stop cooking.”
"Please don't bring any food, mom. You deserve to be treated for once."
Tell her to bring a cake.
moldy?
Yes.
Pick one dish that can’t possibly involve mould and crown that as the champion. Everyone loves that one… it should almost be edible with additional salt, pepper, salsa (whatever) and then force it upon the kids. If that fails, make sure the dog can handle it.
My niece hates my cooking (and no I don't use moldy ingredients and I do follow recipes, but don't season much, etc.). So she always tells me to bring a veggie tray, or a fruit tray - something I don't have to cook. I finally got the hint. It hurts - but I got it
"Please bring a relish tray"
She wants to be a part of things, not left out. You can’t think of a way to include your mom? I suppose it’s easier to criticize.
Just bring yourself.
“We need napkins and paper plates…”
this sounds like my mom (hates salt and won't use it, spices -when she uses them- are from the 80s etc) but thankfully once my dad retired he took over all the cooking & he's actually good at it. 😂 Soooo... maybe suggest some other family member do the cooking "to save you the work" or similar? 😅
My dad only knows how to make reservations
oh no
i'm going on record saying salt is a meat preservative, not a seasoning. :)
Mom, you work so hard every day, so let is do this for you. Relax & enjoy.
I used to say..."No need Mother, we have it all taken care of. We just want to spoil you for a change."
THIS ⬆️⬆️⬆️
tell her something like she’s not allowed to bring anything because it’s long past time you guys took over the hard work of cooking, her job is to relax and enjoy the good company and good food
Accept gracefully, eat lightly… when she’s no longer with you, you will miss her dreadful cooking and you’ll give anything to taste it again…. Trust me
The truth
You spent years taking care of us now we want to take care of you
She gets so much joy out of cooking for us though… it’s definitely her love language.
Wait wait wait What if you asked her to TEACH YOU HOW TO MAKE ONE OF HER DISHES and then SNUCK IN SEASONING?
Hot sauce in your bag (swag)?
They tell me I’m a good cook, but I HATE cooking. Please don’t take the wind out of mom’s sails.
Cook with her is the only way out
yes, have her cook at your house & you provide the ingredients or, be honest, my children always make fun of my cooking but they always eat it but I do use fresh ingredients
Oh Kayla.😭💔 The only right answer is to tell the truth. Once & for all. As delicately & as compassionately possible. 🙏🏿❤️
Cheese platter, crudité, fruit salad or tell her the truth.
At moldy ingredients, I’d have to suck it up and tell her the truth… the other two can be helped, but not the moldy ingredients.
Word but sometimes we find out too late!
Send her to an inspiring cooking class as a gift. She's not hopeless. She's untrained.
What does if anything does she hate to cook, tell her that if hopefully refuses, tell her to bring rolls . If she hates to bake, tell her to bake rolls, there easier to hide or use as hockey pucks . Or sabotage her food, hot sauce so she doesn’t even want it ! Good luck 🤣
We had a hard time with Grandma when she quit washing her hands and left the range on. Asking her to try our versions of old family favorites was one way. Because saying we had it covered made her feel useless. Not good for an older person.
Relocate to other states
I don't understand why so many "can't" cook. It really isn't difficult. And it is worth it!
Srsly. I almost want to sign her up for a cooking class about why you no longer need to use expired cans of “cream of mushroom soup” in cooking in 2024.
Wow! That's bad, LOL. I went to a huge potluck lunch yesterday. I made a carrot cake, which requires some time and effort. So many brought store-made salads and packaged desserts, or chips. It was for retired people. Time should not be a factor. Ugh, disappointed.
A lot of it is basic common sense stuff that to me feels like people over complicate
Nice way? Buy her a three week school for elegant cooking for her as a present. Something out of town, with a hotel, lots of spa treatment. Something with prestige, cachet, something reeking of the Hoi Palloi. Make it a great present with lots of sales.
Spend some quality time cooking together where you gently take the lead.
We all chipped in, sent my retired aunt to a 90-day gourmet cooking class bc we "something special for her." Her cooking is now great and the teacher taught her all the kitchen etiquette--constant hand-washing, choosing fresh ingredients, how to follow a recipe & why. She loves being the expert!
Oh, bless her heart! I could never put out her fire.
"I know you put a lot of love into cooking, but you're not very good at it, we'd be willing to give advice and help you get better, but we don't need someone to waste time and effort making something we won't actually eat."
Ooh idk if I can be this blunt haha
Understood. Can you ask her to bring small appetizer or side dish that accidentally gets dropped destroyed and can't be used? Or if there's grandkids tell her you want her to buy something so she won't be tired and can spend time with the grandkids.
I wouldn't destroy it but suggesting her contribution be something really optional like nachos or a dessert is a good way to avoid hurt feelings if people don't eat it, they can just say they filled up on the main and other dishes
Good point, destroying serves no purpose.
Be straight up about it. The woman who brought you into the world deserves honesty at the very least. We all will get past our prime. Just be honest.
Nope. She will be hurt. It’s okay to lie sometimes to save someone’s feelings.