This one says "I wasn't invited, I'm just staying at this hotel and came down to see if the bar would give me a glass of milk"

Yes! Labyrinth is my favourite film! How did you know?

But you have to paint a lightning streak on your face

You'd want to be a non smoker in this get up. Or a Nolans Tribute act.

Giving chic Elmo vibes

Won a golden ticket to the chocolate factory but got kicked out first because sulking?

“Thanks for coming out tonight folks, no- it’s not my wedding. Side of the week is buttered Yams”

Nothing says 'wedding attire' like Christmas pyjamas.

Aunt who tells you about her time working on a cruise ship. She has stories about Robert Goulet.

It’s nice that all the models seem so thrilled to be wearing THESE clothes at THIS wedding

Cilla!

The pants look like a tribute to Dave Matthews’ Spin magazine cover.

This one screams "I've just been on a 3-day bender with Elton John"

Sparkly pyjamas for people who haven't grown up.

Perfect for auditioning for a Golden Girls reboot.

"Thank you for being a friend."

Have now spent 10 mins happily diverted pondering this. Who of Allison Janney, Viola Davis or Edie Falco would make the best Dorothy? Lisa Kudrow, Jennifer Tilly or Joan Cusack for Rose? Vanessa Williams is so Blanche. And what about Whoopi or Catherine O'Hara hamming it up as Sofia? 💛

100% here for a Golden Girls reboot

Sparkly pyjamas. Only to awaken to a bed full of glitter.

Very strong 'drunk Nan at a Christmas party' vibes on this one. Hard to pick a favourite from these gems.

That one looks like you crawl out of TVs to scare people to death

Glam jams

when you've got a wedding at 3pm but have to join your sisters, the Fates, to pick up the thread at 8pm

Oh, I didn't know we were doing that low ruched hem again. Looks like I can drag 3 skirts out of their 2006 time capsule.

You'd need to be 7"6 and a size 4 for this one.

I actually like this one but it is winter wedding with a fur thing over it. Wear this on an unluckily hot day in Sussex and you’ll look like a melting toblerone.

Now *this* one (I am still on this) I also like though it’s not a colour I can wear, but bafflingly the guardian starts out by apologising that it’s “more workwear than wedding”, and it’s not like I work in a bank but what exactly about this screams Monday morning catch up to them?

Misled by the bizarre name?

I've been wearing a dress more or less that shape from Biba to weddings for the last ten years. My plan is to worry about a new one when any of their kids get married.

I'd also argue that with some dainty little pumps, some red lipstick and some nice jewellery it'd look considerably smarter/more appropriate than most of the other dresses on the list!

I think quite a few of the dresses are catching unfair flack because the audience is primed by the horrible Kozo smock being the first thing that you see when you click on the link. (Kozo, presumably, the name of the demon that you will go onto to summon after the wedding).

Also doesn't help that a lot of the borderline ones are 'okay, I really need to see this with a model', and given the horrible smock I am more inclined to look at this and go 'ah, you're wearing your Star Wars cosplay to a wedding, I see'.

Costs a lot to be a galactic senator stephen

Between the dress and the Chandi Merle!

I mean I do also think that a lot of them suffer from the COS problem, namely that unless you're 5'11 and have legs up to your armpits your silhouette will shout "I love my emotional support sack :)"

It does feature a particularly COS (derogatory) offer from COS it must be said.

I’m so happy to see you use COS as a fashion slur because I have friends I have just raped about it ever since it was born in every single time I’ve looked at a single thing of theirs I have just been baffled

*WHOOPSIE! My friends have raved about it, not raped 🤦🏼‍♀️

What could be more wedding appropriate than going as the cake

I am suddenly reminded of something a friend's ex wife said about Cos. "Their clothes are for women who are afraid of their sexuality." This dress is an anxiety attack waiting to happen.

[poignantly] my sack

What I like about this one is the v-neck, just to make it clear that not only should women under 5'11 without long legs not apply, but women above 5'11 with long legs and boobs can now look like they are borrowing someone's cricket jumper.

“Sculptural earrings”, yes, that’s just what it needs.

This. So much this. (Also been thinking about COS as the most successful Pheobe Philo rip-off)

Despite how mental this section is, the Guardian's mens clothing is even more mental. They are really pushing this look, which would get me an actual intervention.

If actual Burberry they will soon be burning skiploads of this stuff rather than giving it away to charity shops; who would soon have to pass them on to textile recyclers.

'Wear boxers as shorts' is a real 'No, no, I don't think I will' suggestion.

I once wore trunks (underwear) as trunks (swimwear) because I forgot my swimwear. This meant 1. I had to be very careful getting out and 2. I had to go home commando. Do not recommend.

I might do it next time I head to my parents in Scotland, just so all their thoughts of Londoners would seem justified.

I can’t even imagine how much evidence I’d need to make me think anyone was serious about this. Signed statements wouldn’t even scratch the surface.

I will never, as long as I live, understand the economics of women's fashion, where such a high proportion of garments are designed for people with measurements that make up at most 10% of the customer base.

Perhaps they lost the fashion staff with taste in the split with the Observer? there is an insane 50 menswear items for summer, where they give up before they hit 50.

The first one being 'ties' was a real 'wow, what has happened here?' but to be fair, menswear is in a bad, bad place this summer unless you want to dress like a doctor in a low budget sci-fi show.

Who doesn’t?

in the age of Andor this is less insulting than it was before imo

this one is actually quite nice, especially if you are over 40

It's paper made from the bark of mulberry trees. I know this for some reason.

No doubt necessary to enact the Curse

My wife's already given me some jobs to do, but I'll try and fit it in; something like 1-dog walk 2-enact curse 3-take ill-fitting/ill-chosen tartan trousers back to M&S.

That Kozo dress looks very Grayson Perryto me - not summer wedding...

Ooh yes maybe red in the pumps too

Wouldn't that come out a bit 'Cruella de Ville'?

Fair although that is a look that works on me. Would be great if I needed to be silhouetted in the church doorway at the wedding of a lost love.

Or you're a naiad in an area managed by Thames Water

How tall would you need to be to wear that?

Strong “three embalmed medieval saints in a trenchcoat” energy here

I've no real desire to ever get married but if I do and you turn up to my wedding wearing this I'll shoot you like you're a horse with a broken leg

barefoot!!!

like a horse with a broken leg, Madeline

It’s a kindness

A broken leg, you say?

Maybe it’s an AI article?

I looked at them with increasing horror. They are all dreadful.

Lol. I once went to a cousin something removed wedding where the brides family were all in traditional smart wedding suits and dresses with hats, and the grooms family were all in pink minidresses / leopard skin one piece trouser suits / shiny suits & shirts with massive collars. Real two tribes.

Are they...cullottes?

Fixed.

Unless you're getting married in Byron Bay?

Trinny and Susannah ass recommendation

“yes, hello, i need something that says ‘courtney love after rehab but about to fall off the wagon again’’”

And honestly, you'll be fighting the good fight for fashion sense.

Shop was sinking: i was naked: found this in "lost property".

I mean, presumably one shoots horses apologetically but for their own good, which I imagine is your point but is a fair argument that anyone wearing this to a wedding should be shot with a lot more enthusiasm than that.

Having said that and by no means recanting, I’d put this outfit well into the top half of the options they’ve offered.

All of these are particularly awful?

aren't they!

Can we also talk about this truly hideous one?

That looks like it has Spongebob in there somewhere

It’s like someone tried to paint Patrick Star on LSD.

yeah I couldn't quite find anything funny to say about it, it's just.....horrid

It’s 6 slats and two hinges short of a deckchair

For the mother of the groom who hates the bride.

to be paired with "Theseus, take this ball of wool"

“could you ask the reverend to hurry it up? i’m supposed to be an extra in a brooklyn folk rock band’s video by 4”

You have to smoke a cigarette using an elegant holder if you wear that dress.

Indeed. No need to buy a fascinator to go with this one.

Clotho Chanel…?

marie, look, who doesn’t want to show up to a wedding in a david bowie costume from spirit halloween?

Long lost early Bowie album cover?

Pyjamas?

“Rejected Doctor Who companion…”

Courtney Love retires to Hampstead but in about 1976?

Not even Christmas pyjamas as looks quite itchy. Also dangerously too long in the leg.

Stair killer

I’ve jammies like that.

It's if you're Hugh Hefner and you're getting married again at the Playboy Mansion.

Quite so ...?

I asked for a Taylor Swift outfit and got her pyjamas ...

Hey Liza Minnelli gets invited to weddings

actual lol

Has the author of this article ever a) experienced summer? b) been to a wedding?