If there's one thing the ocean loves to do, it's swallowing up narcissists

What personality disorder do I have, if I told my son I want my ashes buried on Mars and if that doesn't become possible in his generation he has to pass them on to the next one, and so forth to each generation, until it is?

Devolution is real!

Honestly I'd love to have my ashes scattered across the Pacific Ocean at hypersonic speed. That's metal AF.

Reaching out to each family to discuss next steps, such as: have you considered that having your ashes dropped into the sea from orbit is pretty badass?

Post death cannonball

Pretty much what they did: “We hope families will find some peace in knowing their loved ones were part of a historic journey, launched into space, orbited Earth, and are now resting in the vastness of the Pacific, akin to a traditional and honored sea scattering.”

“We will be billing you for the Icarus package”

Burials-At-Sea via Space is one of the more costly funeral packages we offer

Neil Armstrong had the plan nailed down. Go to space a few times, walk on moon, be humble af forever, then finally burial by sea.

No point fishing there then,,,,,,

til there's a "citizen science project" to grow weed on Mars. (Safety quotes because that sounds more like a tech/crypto bro's pet project than science)

Poseidon is really putting in the work to pull in the non-believer demographic

Took the longer and significantly more expensive route

Those poor fish

I’ve made it clear to my loved ones that I want *my* ashes compressed into a gemstone and forged into the pommel of a sword passed down to the firstborn of every subsequent generation.

Did you specify the type of gemstone? Style of sword? 🤔

Blue sapphire for the gemstone, and as for blade style I’m partial to rapiers, but understanding of the need to adapt to practical realities w/r/t how my family’s ancient, implacable, and eternal foes choose to armor their minions.

I think for that, you might wanna go back sword. Still good at the thrust but so much better with the cut. Which makes it more versatile for changing times.

Hey they’ll be in space eventually

Well, if you look at it just right, we're all in space right now.

🤭🤭🤭

to be fair, they were technically “released to the universe”. Humans are so weird.

They're calling it the Santa Barbara Tea Party.

Failed Orbital Mission Loses Human Remains, Space Pot share.google/Km6KMh09GxPq...

Strong Lebowski vibes

imagine being cornered at a barbecue by somebody who invested in a company that wants to grow pot on mars

As a partaker myself, it would put me off, lol.

Gravity always wins.

Ok two paragraphs in think I know why this was posted. I also need to state that it is insensitive to say it's funny.

Dubbed “Mission Possible,” is plenty of context for this failure.

Y know when you read something that makes you worry for the future of humanity and need something light hearted to offset that? The first comment under that article about Martian Grow is just the thing 😁.

Dubbing anything audacious “Mission Possible” is a direct petition to the chaos gods.

I had really high hopes for Mars colonization, but the what transpired didn't make me feel the highest of highs but rather the lowest of lows. We need to save the Earth first because a planet without weed is not worth it.

They went with a bunch of other seeds.

I just watched a documentary warning of exactly this

This article just gets funnier and stupider as you go

“Though we currently believe that we cannot return the flight capsules, we hope families will find some peace in knowing their loved ones were part of a historic journey, launched into space… & are now resting in the vastness of the Pacific, akin to a traditional and honored sea scattering.”

I had to edit the quote down but when I read this part I spit out my coffee

I laughed so hard at that part. They’re trying so hard to spin this

I have a degree in public relations and advertising and I did a good portion of undergrad study around crisis management, and somewhere this persons job is now on indeed for sure.

Fucken lol

I'll never forget being part of a burial at sea with all the ceremony that entails. Everything was great until the ashes were dumped into the ocean and at the same time someone working in the mess decks was running the food waste pulper. So this guy's ashes float away with little bits of lettuce,etc

For the love of god

Thank you, I am now close to pissing myself laughing as they seem more upset about the weed loss than anything else. Celestis is probably gonna die from this, ironically enough. XD

space weed will survive Celestis

read "space pot" and thought someone was trying to make Russell's Teapot become an actual thing... disappointing to realize it was just marijuana

Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Don't laugh.

they're just _exploring_ somewhere else now

Space pot

whomst amoung us hasn't lost 116 people's remains and then say thank you for your gratitude.

“You got your Grampa in my Weed! “You got your Weed in my Grampa!

Someone should let Willie Nelson know about this possibility

They fucked up "Mission Possible". It's like if that little submarine that killed that billionaire was named the "Be Right Back".

poetic

another failure by spacex

Also how I wish the bezos' wedding had ended

"We're going to have to scatter them all from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Is this a reincarnation reset? Their souls are back to ldust falling from space

that's where I want my ashes to go (the ocean)

I'm not sure why people what all sorts of crazy things done with their dead body. I just want my corpse to be scrapped for parts then consumed and/or naturally decay.

even better that later in the article it says there was a bunch of weed in the capsule too so all these people’s remains got turned into what is essentially salty bongwater

Clearly their souls couldn’t resist the pull of earths gravity

What did I miss!?!!

It was probably a mistake to go with the company that chose the project name "Mission Hey It Could Work".

The most unserious incompetent people run everything that should be important

as someone who actually put scientific experiments into space via the ISS lol lmao

Mine was launched out of a cannon on the shuttle, legit the coolest thing you could do to a discoball.

Coulda' been borne aloft on old-fashioned angel wings, but they just had to have the rocket.

Apparently SpaceX touched part of this. Of course it went horribly wrong at the finish line, lol.

160 narcissists must be launched into the sun to restore balance to the galaxy, starting with anyone who has ever worn an Occupy Mars shirt

What an incredibly dumb and wasteful thing to spend money on. I'll do it for a grand with a homebuilt rocket.

I've helped do it — had a friend die unexpectedly, he worked at nasa and always wanted to go into space. so we sent his ashes there on a satellite.

This, I'm fine with. People who actually spent their lives looking at the stars and searching for meaning and understanding should be allowed to rest amongst their beloved. And not simply: "whoever has enough cash".

Caring about what happens to human remains outside of sanitation concerns is a big part of what makes us human, and also a small part of what makes us so dumb. I've always told friends and family to sell my corpse to a rich necrophile and go on a nice vacation because nothing matters to the dead.

When the students of the great philosopher Diogenes asked him what he wished to be done with his mortal remains after his death, he said they should throw him off the city wall to be eaten by the dogs. When they objected, he told them to throw him a heavy stick he could use to defend himself.

Everything I learn about Diogenes makes him sound even cooler. I don't understand this phenomenon but I like it.

with the caveat that comes with most any stories about the life and times of a classical philosopher ("any or all of this might be complete bullshit") yeah Diogenes rules

he once got visited by Alexander the Great, who was a total fucking fanboy he offered Diogenes anything he wanted Diogenes asked, "step aside, you're in my light"

I'm thinking about donating my body to a body farm so scientists can study decomposition.

Frank Reynolds is Diogenes! Why have I not seen this before?