My guess is that this is going to close when the unsanitary conditions that are the kitchen are found out and every chef that works there is going to have stories.

Introducing the Tesla self-eating hotdog!* *Tesla diner not responsible for choking or vomiting related to self-eating. By ordering the self-eating hotdogs you agree not to sue and may be forced to sign a statement that Elon Musk is handsome and smart

I was imagining more of an Ouroboros thing when you said “self eating hotdog”

Why does the kids grilled cheese cost $4 more than the adult grilled cheese, but only seems to not have crusts on it?

I unno, if I wanna eat at a restaurant that is both killing me and the planet, I'll go to O'Tolley's.

The spicy burger comes with mayonnaise

Actually they charge $12 for four pieces of "Epic Bacon" which is somehow more embarassing

Is it part of their company values to make the most utter dogshit ugliest fucking designs I have ever seen?

Except there's a 1/250 change of a random failure setting your ass on fire.

Mondo Burger ass architecture

I need to see a picture his diner with the stupid Tesla lightning bolt logo replaced with the Chunks logo from starfield

I need this now more than ever

And still raw on the inside, burnt on the outside.

Welcome to the Telsa diner! Our staff are really friendly and will gladly wave at you when you enter!

Welcome to the Tesla diner, try the cyber burger. It costs as much as the downpayment for your house and might be prone to spontaneous combustion but it is the burger John Bladerunner would have eaten.

"Retro" here means "racially segregated".

The card machine is asking me if I've seen Barrack Obama's birth certificate...

I went to one of the last drive-ins in Colorado, and the most exciting thing about it was not just the novelty but how us kids would get to run around hanging out while parents chilled. Nobody wants to go to a drive-in where it has room for 8 cars at most and is reserved for electric vehicles.

And Mayonaisse is too spicy.

I'd salute you but I have to wipe this square of ketchup off the middle of my top lip.

Using wagyu beef for chili is a waste of good beef. Not that what they're serving is anywhere close to real wagyu anyway

This one day old diner still serves their coke the old-fashioned way (not to people of color)

Welcome to the Tesla diner, where the cars catch fire and the burgers are raw.

Like the cars, the food also may kill you.

Welcome to the Tesla diner, it's like a car crash in your mouth

Welcome to the Tesla Diner, where it's on fire and you can't get out

Come and get your Fash Food

Welcome to the Tesla diner, we cook over the open flame of a Tesla!

Free appetizers for women if they'll have Elons baby

Welcome to the Tesla diner, where we’ve got a menu item named after a 12 yr old stale meme.

Welcome to the Tesla diner, where we serve the most basic ass shit for premium prices. Heck it's barely even a diner. bsky.app/profile/acat...

Why does the grilled cheese for kids cost more than the regular one?

It comes with fries... which is to say it's the same price. But also no crust, so it's less food.

Why would anybody in their right mind waste Wagyu beef on chili to top a hotdog? Also, "It's avocado toast - what could it cost? $10?" "Um, $11 actually!"

You have to love the emphasis on tallow-fried things as a right-wing shibboleth.

Lithium fired grills.

Welcome to the Tesla diner, where we flame grill our burgers over a burning car with someone electronically locked inside

In that finding bits of metal in your food is all part of the service. You're welcome.

Our food explodes with flavor, just like our batteries!

God damn he's such a dork ass loser. I know without checking there'll be X sauce and it'll be a copy of the that meme sauce from McDonald's the sechaun flavoured one that cause their staff so much hassle because of the rick and Morty shitheads.

Welcome to the Tesla diner where our automated kitchens are on fire as little as 83% of the time

The chili is hot like a lithium battery fire

welcome to the Tesla diner, where we only serve whites--meat! we only serve whites meat!

The food poisoning will be patched out in a future software upgrade.

Tastes like fashes in my mouth.

The windows are unbreakable and the doors lock in case of fire? 😬

Come have a taste of our spicy pillows!

Can 50s style architecture not come back right before a potential nuclear apocalypse? I really don't want the Fallout future.

Don't worry. We're not that lucky.

Also there's an 80% chance of the building spontaneously exploding.

I saw the menu last night & I can’t get over the Wagyu chili. The whole reason for paying $300. for a steak is because the intense marbling means extremely tender meat with a buttery taste. To stew it & add heavy spices is insane. You’re effectively canceling both its famous texture & flavor.

You can’t open the box the burger is in unless you can connect it to the internet. Same as the emergency exits.

We're about to discover types of e. coli we didn't even think were possible.

I love how they said this is highly anticipated and yet this is somehow the first time I've even remotely heard of this thing. also this is supposed to be a drive-in but the screen is located to the side of the vehicle so you have to be cranking your neck the entire time to actually watch? uh...

Why is Musk's 'retro-future' always so...goddamn UGLY?

He based it off of that one episode of SpongeBob.

Photo of the first burger eaten at the Tesla diner, 2025

oh boy i cant wait for every single one of these to catch fire spontaneously

It's the fucking "Upgrades, People, Upgrades" guy from Robots, but as a shitty building that borrows design styling cues from fascist architecture and machine gun bunkers. Was gonna say "bet the interior is minimalist cold depressing bullshit trying but failing to look scifi" and saw I was correct.

But also extremely salty.

Will they burn down when it rains, too?

can't wait for a stiff breeze to knock that whole building over

Looks like something from Cyberpunk 2077, before it goes to shit.

I'd love to joke about "explosive flavor" but we all know damn well it's got none.

"Welcome to Tesla Diner. We're proud to offer only the finest male chefs...." "Wait one transitioned... Not again"

For all it's claims of "look at all this retro future!" this is just ugly. There's no color (because of course there wouldn't be anything colored), it doesn't commit to the look and doesn't do anything interesting with it. No surprise someone so repulsive and cringy would also be allergic to fun.

There is a constant in fash architecture of idealizing a particular style for what it represents, but without understanding any of it. It's why many attempts to replicate neoclassical, art deco or retrofuturism (the preferred looks of these hacks) end up looking cheap and tacky. They're soulless.

Gods, early SpongeBob pocked fun at the overuse of chrome in futuristic Sci-fi.

Do the burgers catch fire at random? 🤔