You’re absolutely correct there. I think she was right to distinguish the terms. I only disagree with this thread’s claim that caring for your partner isn’t, and can’t be, work. But you’re right - people do employment-labor for different reasons than relationship-labor.
I think comparing the concept of chores or housework would be instructive here. If you’re thinking of labor as synonymous with work, then scrubbing the toilet at work for pay or scrubbing the toilet at home for free are the same. But if labor is compensated work, then they’re very different.
And considering the impact of compensated emotional work on the individual was specifically what Arlie was trying to do.
I think calling the emotional work we do inside relationships “emotional labor” has in some ways enabled people to pathologize it. It’s also become part of the “weaponized therapy speak” thing. On the other hand, emotional work in relationships is sometimes hard and we should examine that, too.