Owls are birds :p

I bet they're better at sleeping too, those smug little shits, with all their "songs".

I can find worms. Get up early when I want to. I flew off my roof once. It was more like an uncontrolled glide..

Pretty sure penguins suck at all three.

You'd be wrong. Penguins take thousands of naps per day averaging 4 seconds so getting up early is one of their specialties.

On the contrary, it sounds like they’re always asleep.

Poop and pee and give birth from the same hole!

Woodpeckers drill holes in trees, and eagles catch fish.

4. Obtain the best seats for witnessing papal conclave smoke

and me - 4. Sing 5. Crap on my roof

Shit on a car windscreen from 60 feet

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

They also build a clean nest

And ...Suddenly Appear.

“Nature’s greatest singer was humble in praising her competition this morning..”

Build a nest, migrate thousands of miles, feed their young, survive the worst out in nature without special gear.

I would have to add: shit on windshields.

How do you know if you don't try?

It’s overrated, once you have tried it once it’s just like shitting anywhere.

Let the birds be your alarm clock 🤣

Sing 🎶 definitely sing

They are up with the larks.

Glad you have them beat on "Regurgitate food into the mouths of my young".

Oooo, you can tweet good?

The rightful Descendants of Dinosaurs are Thriving.

Sing a morning chorus? From what your neighbours say, that awful whitney Houston rendition you do is not as beautiful as the starlings 🤣

4. Nest

4. Imitate laser sounds at 4am.

With determination, you can do these two things better than birds

Dawn is now about 6:30 here. The robins are out there at freaking 4 am belting out their dawn chorus. And after sunset chirping birdie lullabies into the night. Do they even sleep?

‪kristofarian‬ ‪@kristorarian.bsky.social‬ · 28s cinco de mayo Just Visiting in Ketchikan AK 3:30 am plenty Light out Cannot sleep birds in the ravine Partying like there's No tomorrow. Cacophony! wished I was a Bird.

May is peak Dawn Chorus month. I have a cheap little fan I put on my windowsill and turn on at night. The fan motor drowns out the 4am chirps.

I take out my hearing aids!😁

I’m told two of these things are correlated

I find they are also better than me at avoiding existential dread, avoiding white collar corporate burnout, and avoiding squirrels who try to steal their lunch...squirrels always steal lunches in Boston common.

2 applies to me. No matter how late I stay up still wake up at 0500 hours.

and sing

4. Get killed with 0.5 stones per

But you are far better at enumerated lists

You make eggs…

You can probably find worms just as well but they spend a lot more time on it

I can't lay eggs either. Hell, as an XY mammal I can't even squat and drop an offspring out. My nipples??? Just what kind of half-assed psyop were you running, GOD? Even girls made from guys' spare parts is better'n us. FFS

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How much time are you spending looking for worms because birds are doing that almost all day

I could easily find more worms than a bird.

We are losing American jobs to early birds. That's why today we are announcing a plan to tarrif early bird activity at 196%. ChatGPT assures me that this will bring worm gathering industry back to America's heartland. No idea why it's in Russian, but I am assured it is accurate.

they say the early bird gets the worm but luckily i dont like worms

if you consider variation by species, vultures would be better than you at lying about their partner's cooking!

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Anxiety helped me get up SUPER early this morning! Try it!

whats wrong w your current worm guy? why he out of stock?

Birds can do four things better than me. All the things you mentioned, and “sing”.

4. Not fall out of trees

You didn't say build a nest, are you good at nest building?

1. Balance on a high wire 2. Preen wings-I don’t have any 3. Raise a baby in a 1x1 rectangular box hanging from a tree

Kiwi doesnt fly. Is Nocturnal. They do like worms though

🙄

5. Make the whole world your personal toilet. 🌠

Sure, the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.