Maybe, but my the wide new vistas opened up now for “scathing,” “furious,” and “actually funny”

I sent the first draft to Chris and gave him some points I'm still considering and one of them was basically "I seem very mad at X, Y, and Z (because I am) but that's not how you persuade so be on the lookout for where I should be less angry"

But maybe you could use the British spelling of "Welp,..."?

Mmm... there is much more beautiful prose than is dreamt of by New Yorker editors. I once spent a week reading dozens of longform New Yorker and Atlantic articles. At least at first impression there were 3 types, and the "true (and social) crime" type required only a waterfall of luridity.

That's very fair. I get that in just a product of my context so I think that writing is better than my natural writing.

All I know is that I've worked 10+ yrs to eliminate mid-branching sentences, and people still recommend an "academic style with punch" book whose first chapter is full of ... mid-branching sentences.