I’m an ordained minister in like 5 religions, including The Cult of the Sacred Drunken Wookiee and Church of the Latter Day Dude. I haven’t used any of them for money, I just like cards in my wallet, but it’s always an option.

The Church of Fuckery isn't ordaining anyone yet, but the day Mama Jenn says okay, I'm applying - I'm already a church member, by virtue of watching her videos and taking care to spread only the good fuckery.

Question! Is there a cult involving non-sacred drunken Wookies?

Start your own if not!

Schism!

Heretic!

5 drunk Eewoks in a trenchcoat say the Wookie is not sacred in itself, just channeling the will of the Force when drunk!

Don’t wanna be L Ron Scalzi?

Who tried besides L. Ron Hubbard - who was pretty darn successful with Scientology?

I'd say Lucas. The schisms and zealotry abundant in Star Wars fandom is on par with many organized religions.

Depends on what the metric is. If you're willing to go crazy as a bedbug but $$$$$$$, there's a path. www.scientology.org

I'm not at all a believer in Scientology as a religion, but I did quite enjoy The Invades Plan decology back in the 80's....

**Invaders Plan**

Well in terms of cash dollars idk that I would say that

A religion based on the Old Man's War premise, when you get old you get a new body, if you've been faithful to Scalzi.

But you could live on a boat while hiding out from the IRS. Tell me that doesn't sound SWEET!

Well then you need to show them how it’s done.

Consider the religion for future predictions: Scryentology.

That couch tho...

Spotty for the religion and its followers. The authors seem to do ok though.

Go doomsday cult or go home.

Now you've made me think of what kind of religions authors might have created had they wanted. Hey Philip K Dick's would have been pretty interesting. But then I remember the existence of John Norman and shudder at what his cult would be.

Obviously, there's L. Ron Hubbard. That's the big one that other SF writers have been looking at either with horror/disgust or admiration/envy ever since. Philip K. Dick's story "The Turning Wheel" features a character named "Elron Hu" in clear parody of Hubbard.

If he started it later in life, John Norman's would mostly have been about boats.

Yeah but this time it will be better!

Just do a branch of the Church of All Worlds

Hey the basic tenants of Scalzitology are already light years ahead of most religions and you ain’t even putting effort into it 😂

You end up with this fucking guy’s personality tests and cult

Please don't!

It worked for L Ruin Hubbard.

Elrond Cupboard

L. Bob Rife

Um, Scientology sure made tons of money. Bar bet at a World Con a million years ago

What if you let the @scamperbeasts.bsky.social start their own religion?

that's just the thetans talking

🌟

Inferno by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle actually makes a comment on those lines. Going through the section of Hell where the religious zealots are buried. One is a huge mausoleum/tomb dedicated to one author who did start his own religion. No names, but suspect they were referring to Hubbard.

I'll have you know LRH died hiding out in a trailer in the desert

The Divine Burrito says to stuff yourself with belief, and roll on towards glory.

I likely would have joined whatever religion Douglas Adams might have started. "You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg. It's quite a simple difference, but an important one. Friday comes at the end of the week, whereas a fried egg comes out of a chicken." - Adams 42:13

"Spotty at best" seems a cautiously weak description of mass deception as a grift. Although these cynical religions should make peole reflect on the ridiculous aspects of all religions.

What sci-fi author starting their own religion failed?

Scalzitology?

Wait. WAIT. What about science fiction actors? I got time and enjoy money. 🙃

The Book of Eli has already been done

But I’m not part of that! How can I reap the rewards of worship and finance if I don’t get a cut?!

It's not your Destiny (I can do this all day)

I’ll hold SPACE for you. Because you’re a STAR. And I’m not saying this in a NEBULOUS way, but ASTRONOMICALLY. 🙃 Two can play at this game, Gadget.

But, like me, can you goa'uld ay?

Oh, I haven’t remotely reached my apogee.

Firstly, delete your moral compass...

But lucrative.

exactly! I'd say it's only "spotty" if you prioritize things like "human rights" and "dignity" over filthy lucre

You can't make one worse than Scientology

And here I was thinking you were part of my karass, when you're just a granfalloon. Guess I'll go make a statue of myself, lie on my back, grin horribly, and thumb my nose at You Know Who.

Some might suggest that many religions were obviously started by people who could be described as fantasy writers. (I'm a casually devout agnostic, so *I'M* not suggesting it. Just sayin'.)

Aren't they all science fiction?

I can put in a good word for you if you'd like to be ordained in a successful one. vonnegut.fandom.com/wiki/Church_...

Well, you do have a church so you have a leg up on the rest.

Does the Shaver Mystery count as a religion?

I want to see scalzi takeover Italy

Buuuuuut, all you really need to do is reboot Cat Worship! 21st century branding. Caturday services and sacred psspssspsspsspss's.

*cough* Scientology is worth billions *cough*

Not from the authors' perspective really....

Earth Seed is looking good right now

Except for when L Ron Hubbard got that idea to start scientology from editor Lester Del Rey at a Hydra club meeting?

What about Douglas Adam’s? Isn’t 42 a religion of sorts?

*cough* Scientology.

You have some good groundwork laid for the Church of the Interdependency.

PK Dick's seems about the best version. Tank had better hope there is an 'Intercessor'.

A spotty ethical history, but some are very successful.

Funny y’all bring up Scientology. They own a large building near my work, and there’s only ever 1 or 2 cars there. Unless it’s food drive day. Then there’s hordes of homeless. Profits?

Didn't Robert Heinlein have one? I seem to remember something like it...

Don't be too hasty — I might be interested. What are you offering?

but what about sci-fi that's about starting your own religion

Cat's Cradle did pretty well

You have to start your own successful religion in order to ascend to the lower rungs of the citizenship class, with and get it to ever higher levels of popularity to access social rights. No action sanctioned by your religion is illegal unless it undermines this broad framework. And…go!

Sounds like something an Operating Thetan would say.

Much like some people admire billionaires because they think one day they will become one, this is the only reason I write sci fi.

You can't argue it didn't work out well for Ron himself, though...

How clear is that opinion?

L. Ron Hubbard?

I gather Xanu is booked.

I sometimes wish Crowley had written fiction. Then I realised he did.

Valentine Michael Smith gave himself for all humankind...

You could start a religion as a music star, though...

But there IS a record

L. Ron did okay... low probability of success, but pretty lucrative if successful.

Shitty writer though

You mean to tell me you don’t want your own fleet?

I still remember taking an English class taught by Fred Pohl's widow, where she mentioned Fred, Jerry Pournelle, and L. Ron inventing scientology over the kitchen table

(it's initial conception was...uh...not what it evolved into)

Scalzitology is a bit of a mouthful to say, anyway.

Ah, but if you feel the need to slink off into the forest and make a crown from goblin bones and a cape of mossy goodness, watch out for the cave witch who watches those who pass into her domain.

Would you count Hubbard with Scientology? Seems like it has been wildly successful in terms of adherents, geographic reach and money. Not a believer, just recognizing the success

"wildly successful in terms of adherents" 🤣🤣🤣 Oh, you’re serious? I wouldn’t call less than 20,000 adherents worldwide "wildly successful". "geographic reach" It’s dying in the UK & Europe. It’s abandoned LA. It currently seems to be at the "circling the wagons" phase in Florida. 1/3

"and money" I’ll give you that one. Its bank balance is measured billions - all gouged out of its remaining adherents. "Not a believer, just recognizing the success" Hmm… I’m not sure that "success" is the right term. 2/3

Scientology carried out one of the largest infiltrations of the US government in history resulting in the conviction of 11 of its top officials (including Hubbard's wife). Hubbard himself died alone in an RV following multiple strokes. His "lieutenants" were gambling in Las Vegas at the time. 3/3

Well, I was serious but perhaps misinformed 😐

Hey, no problem! 🙂 Scientology pumps out loads of PR that includes stats with no basis in fact. General rule of thumb: Scio's stats are always inflated 10x or more. Their photos are grossly manipulated and/or photoshopped. In reality, the cult has been in decline since the late 1990s. 1/2

For anyone interested, some good sources are: Underground Bunker: @tonyortega.bsky.social Apostate Alex: @apostatealex.bsky.social On YouTube: Chris Shelton, Marc & Claire Headley, Jon Atack (to name but a few) Books:Piece of Blue Sky (Jon Atack); Blown for Good (Marc Headley) 2/2

Hardcore survivorship bias in the religion as sci-fi author retirement crowd.

They seemed to be doing pretty well for themselves until word got around. And the Fishman Affidavit. And, well, South Park lampooning them. Arguably they're still A Thing.

I think, in order for you to be able to successfully start your own religion, you first have to be a *terrible* SF author. Skill only impedes the transition from purveyor of purple prose to ruler of a ridiculous religion.

Why fictional religions feel so fake YouTube video by Religion for Breakfast

I wonder who you have in mind 🤔?

Damn hubbard

I dunno, the Church of Scientology is estimated to have a net worth of 2 billion dollars.

L Ron was a terrible Sci Fi writer and that is probably why he started a Religion. Stick to writing please, I'm not sure anyone wants another 'Battlefield Earth', and you shouldn't have to start a Religion to get your movie made, you should just write well

Except for L. Ron, right?

So you’re saying there’s a chance?

I mean L Ron Hubbard wrote Dianetics as a joke and the first edition has a forward stating such. It's his son and the rats of Scientology to blame, mostly. But in the same vein, Evangelicals did the same thing to gullible racists pretending to be Christians.

It was always a weird fantasy dictatorship - I can recommend 'Bare Faced Messiah' if you haven't read it. Especially the chapter on 'SeaOrg'

One of our little capital city's minor claims to, um, fame (?) is that L. Ron Hubbard spent most of his childhood here 🙄

Hahaha!!!

You really need to infiltrate the IRS if you want to actually make money with your religion.

Wait was Joseph Smith an early sci-fi writer?

I believe in the great prophet Rachela

Mr. Scalzi, in today's world historical failures are no impediment to future goals, or present efforts.

But it’s been done. I can’t wait.

Doesn't look very spotty to me. Looks damned profitable!

I have long had a notion for a story where we are all just characters in some hack writer's story, and where the people in that universe blame 'the Writer' instead of 'God", but I don't have the chops yet to make it work. It all comes out too 'on the nose' in drafts so far.

"Why is life LIKE that?" "Obviously a plot hole The Writer hasn't filled." "Things were going so well! Why is it all going to shit?" "The Writer needed to gin up some drama or the story is boring."

Something bad happens? "Plot twist!" Life is boring? "Writer's Block!"

Kurt Vonnegut gave a talk on 'drama' that talks about how we want our lives to be more like stories, because stories are more interesting. sive.rs/drama

Stories are neat and tidy, and actually mean something. Vonnegut was good at that.

Well precisely.

And what's more, he got paid for it! 😁

There’s like one, right. L. Ron Hubbard….

But there was that one “success”

But you already own the church...