Aw, thanks. I try to deserve her every day. 😊 Thinking about this, I realized that I stayed closeted for so long—even to myself—almost entirely because I spent my entire life trapped in other people's gendered expectations of me. The very first moment someone asked ME who I was, I knew.
I get it. The reason I only transitioned at 36 when I already knew at 4 is because all feedback I ever gotten about trans people was negative. Had I someone to reassure me that it was okay to be me instead of only hearing it spoken about in disgust, I would have transitioned a lot sooner.
Yuuuuuup. I think it's telling that, the MOMENT I was asked about it by someone I trusted to love me no matter what my answer was, I was immediately like, "Um, yeah, actually, I'm kind of a woman about it."
So proud of you. And I love that you are both still working towards being deserving of one another. When you get so used to having a partner that you stop working towards the relationship is the first (and most deadly) sign of decline...
Contrary to a lot of people's beliefs, relationships are work. We work hard at our relationship... but the work is also a joy in itself. We also play—a lot!—because that's who we are as a couple.
People think of "working on a relationship" as meaning "prevent it from falling to pieces". They think of stuff like couples therapy and other high-profile stuff. Working on a relationship should start way before that, on day 1, and never stop. It's all of the small things combined.
The funny thing is, we see a couples counselor on a regular basis! 😂 It's part of the work we do—not because we're falling apart, but as maintenance, like getting your car tuned up. We're both communicators, and having an uninvested person there to help facilitate communication is really useful.
I wish there was no stigma attached to therapy in general, and specifically as regards couples counseling. We mostly aren't taught how to be in relationships, communicate with our partners, or process our emotions, and it's something I think most of us would benefit from having.
"Everyone would benefit from therapy" is one of my mottos. My current therapist helped me do in a few months what I couldn't do on my own my entire life. I've always been very self-aware and I knew where I wanted to be, just not how to get there, so she helped me build the bridges.
Yup! Turns out, trained professionals can actually be helpful when they're not advancing an agenda! 😂