A conversation about how gender and sexuality intersects in a more complicated way? An ally would not erase my queer identity to try to bully me when I’m taking about my own damn identity. Maybe a White heterosexual should stop shouting down a gay man about sexuality.
Intersectionality IS complicated. And it shows up in different ways for different people with different marginalizations; I can only speak to mine. I don’t think the OP was shouting you down; you just want to talk about something in a forum that isn’t for that subject.
I had already withdrawn from the conversation. I know exactly what she was doing. Queer erasure as a bullying tactic.
Did you feel like I was doing it too? Because I think that you may have misunderstood us. I am not LGBTQIA + myself, but 3 of my 4 children are and I will fight like hell for their equality, but I can’t speak on their experiences. That’s not erasure, just truth.
Thank you for being a true ally and fierce mom!
No, I did not think that at all. This is a straight white woman tactic. Proclaims that she can speak authentically to subordination while erasing the gay man’s queerness so she can tell him that he cannot, lumps him with the very group that is his chief brutalizer, and belittles his subordination.
I dared suggest that gay men sometimes encounter worse subordination than lesbians. That triggered her because she’s in a subset of straight white women who have decided that no f*ggot who is white and male has any meaningful experience of subordination. It’s clueless, homophobic, and repellent.
And if calling it out crosses her “boundary,” then her “boundary” is self-serving bigotry.
Mine too. Mixed race, LGBTQ. Being an ally doesn’t mean not having boundaries.
In fact you NEED boundaries. When people bump up against them and get angry that shows you where they would disrespect you if you let them.
Precisely. I’m sorry he’s struggling. I hope he gets the support he deserves.
Me too, and I hope that my original answer to you was helpful. I live and work in the space of conflict resolution, race, and gender and it’s something that I’m passionate about. Can you tell? 😉
You have a brilliance about you.
Thanks, ChristineP. It’s hard won wisdom that now has a place to be used.
The world is a better place for it. I’m grateful you’re using your experience to help others.
I can! 😁 I am impressed at your work. How utterly essential it is. Your answer to me was very helpful. Thank you.