Since it seems unlikely that I'll be hearing back from The Onion about the application I sent in five months ago, I might as well post the 30 sports headlines I wrote for it in the hope that you get a few laughs out of them.
Replies
Clearly they took all your Rockies ideas
aug 29, 2025, 8:43 pm • 2 0 • view
seeing that article today (which I thought was a bit too on-the-nose and could have been funnier with more thought) definitely spurred me to post this
aug 29, 2025, 8:47 pm • 4 0 • view
Broncos defensive back one killed me lmfao
aug 29, 2025, 8:55 pm • 6 0 • view
that one was inspired by a conversation with @hbomatts.bsky.social. I tried to imagine writing an accompanying article for all of these and that one would have been a fun challenge. "sometimes, with those long sleeves he wears, you forget"
aug 29, 2025, 9:04 pm • 3 0 • view
🚫👕
aug 29, 2025, 9:45 pm • 1 0 • view
Simmons one rocks
aug 29, 2025, 9:46 pm • 2 0 • view
You know who else was only 33
aug 30, 2025, 1:14 am • 3 0 • view
God damn these are good lmao
aug 29, 2025, 8:59 pm • 1 0 • view
The 1 - 2 punch of the Riley Moss Kris Bryant ones woulda been enough for me
aug 30, 2025, 12:10 am • 2 0 • view
Excellent #friday content
aug 29, 2025, 9:00 pm • 1 0 • view
Father Time got me
aug 29, 2025, 9:15 pm • 1 0 • view
Excellent stuff. Aston Villa got me
aug 29, 2025, 9:49 pm • 1 0 • view