"Rudy Giuliani nursed an injured crow back to life with warm milk, then drove to a place not a liquor store, and then got in a car accident. After this, an unscrupulous stranger littered the backseat of his car with scores of emptied airline-size bottles of Gilbert’s vodka. Two may have been gin."
His injuries don’t match a read end collision. They match a side impact.
Sometimes I almost feel sorry for old Rudy; he is so pathetic, then I remember, and I get over it!
Hopefully your source is correct
Rudy mistook the crow for a bat, which could have been a family member.
Got me at “warm milk” 😭
He drove to New Hampshire for the cheap booze. Everyone in New England knows that. Sad.
Is that all true, I mean im sure they drank the booze but seriously
He got rolled by a hooker and her pimp.
This really stood out. Not family. Not friends. Honestly surprised someone would be his business partner.
Oh, she’s not his business partner. She’s what used to be known as a “ladyfriend”.
The woman in need art has NO RELEVANCE. My money is on Rudy was getting a drive up blow job.
*part
They are going to pay a woman to say he rescued her. I would like to see the police report.
Karma found a way of coming back and biting him in the ass.
I tend to believe you Ms Betty.
Michael Ragusa is full of it.
Interesting, somewhat different account of the event: manchester.inklink.news/rudy-giulian...
"Mayor Giuliani? That's not what I heard.
You forgot to mention how he stopped at the puppy orphanage to hand out treats before not going to the liquor store.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
who could tell if there's been any disfigurement though....
Yeah right
Ya know, Giuliani dying, while welcomed, just doesn't hit like a Donald death would.
Donald Death
That’s what I’m going with. Rudy never disappoints! 😂
I like Mrs. Betty Bowers' rendition much better.
How do you spell Chappaquiddick?
Dang ! I have to buy more fireworks and champagne it seems! Hope they lift the fire ban soon !!!!!
The whole paragraph after prior was unnecessary.
Your version of events is far more believable than the “Official Statement”.
Post of the week right here!
Haaaaaaa! Nice.
A “victrola” for short. Cranky, repetitive, aged..
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Well, probably just an accident, or was he supposed to testify at the Epstein hearings?
We don’t deserve him, Mrs. B.
So he got in an accident after a session with a hooker. Got it
Sounds like somebody's trying to "Epstein" ol' Rudy..... And the glowing "rescuing a damsel in distress" story is meant to distract, because then everyone will be focused on what a "hero" he is, not on asking questions about this ridiculously over explained version of events...
His business partner not his family was notified.
And it all happened at Four Seasons Landscaping
I pray for rapid healing. youtu.be/-UbLQWXCjUQ?...
I have no problem being the curmudgeon in the room on this silly fucking story. It’s so badly crafted it smells like the stinking lie it is. My questions are how many double scotches did Rudy bang down before the accident & was he tucking his shirt in while driving?
No sympathy from me. He should be locked up in the looney ward of the hospital.
No self respecting crow 🐦⬛ would ever trust that liquored up LIAR!
How many drinks did Michael have before writing this statement?
Who was the other driver involved?
Someone above speculates it was Rudy’s unpaid hooker 😂😂😂
I hate these fuckers so much. 🤬
The article left out Rudy was the one committing the abuse
Found in the wild. Must have used AI to "describe a plausible scenario where I can look like a hero and a victim when in reality I was running from a pimp whose pros I failed to pay"
Hope he wasnt driving Lauren Becall’s Mercedes!
Was he trying to pick up a hooker?
Killin' me.
Will Trump offer Giuliani a state funeral or just bury him on one of his golf courses?
He could bury him next to the ball washer on the 9th hole.
Next to Ashley Babbitt's grave
I'll take the latter for the tax break.
Riiiiight
I give this bullshit story 2 days before it starts to fall apart
Obviously not that severe. He’s still breathing. Bummer.
First #felon47 now this? Something is definitely up.
That REALLY makes me want to read the UNauthorized statements...
this is hilarious!! 👏👏
Do we have Upper Legs? Seriously, I think I've been shortchanged...
Instant fact check: It was Gilbey's.
This account is way too PR to be accurate I think Mrs Bowers version is much closer to reality. Donaldo delenda est
Wait! He can afford personal security but he can’t pay his judgements?
Please provide him with the health care the rest of our seniors receive. Load him up with drugs he doesn't need and wait for him to die.
💯
Spokesperson? 😂
Class, contrast and compare Giuliani's statement with the official NH State Police report. Extra credit: Discuss why Giuliani would need to release a statement at such odds with the official report.
Now he shall know pain.
Pardon me but he’s the Mayor of what exactly?
Is there a collaborating police report?
Ohhhh HOHOHO this is the funniest ever social media post. Thank you!🙂
This is under my Who cares column
Embarrassing typo there. Pretty sure it's meant to read "... and mentioned 9/11".
“He remained on scene until it became apparent that television cameras would not be coming…”
bsky.app/profile/abdo...
bsky.app/profile/abdo...
His business partner??? Is that code for something? Have any of you ever been in an accident and the only person you wanted to be called by EMS is a business partner? We live in an interesting time.
And what "business" are they exactly in?
IKR....it's 🤪
Holy crap! They can spin till they're blue in the face but we have brains and long memories.
Lies. Per usual.
I'm sorry, but... when did he become a mayor again?
Could have happened to a nicer guy
👏
No good deed...
A former mayor has security, but not a former vice president? 🤦♀️
This is a six-year-old’s explanation of why there are cookie crumbs all over the kitchen.
Let Rfk treat him
'Mayor'? What the hell is he the mayor of? Like, he was mayor of NYC like, what, 20 years ago so it should be former mayor. I doubt he was sober either.
How can this guy afford to have a head of security?
Couldn’t happen to a nicer asshole.
When there isn't a Balcony conveniently available...
And they say drunk people don't get injured in accidents. There's proof I'm just curious why they saved him. I'm sure that at some point he was at that point where you could have called it. Could we call it now? I'll call it time of death right fucking now
What's he mayor of? Margaritaville? "Mayor" is just a brand now for the Rudester; whoring is whoring. #illdrinktothat
I had a friend who worked at the Bedford, NH Liquor and Wine Outlet. She said a few years ago, he actually showed up at that store on a Friday and purchased alcohol. It's possible he could've been doing the same thing, lol!
Trump sent the national guard to NH.
Maybe dr Kennedy can help him.
ok, checking asshole to english dictionary... Rudy dropped off his side piece, and on the way home he was involved in a high speed car accident. and if this guy was the head of his security, why wasn't he in the car with him?
you found the decoder ring
Is this…Carma?
I was wondering where he’s been? Not hanging onto Tяump’s coattails now that he doesn’t have any money or influence… wait, how does he have a business partner and security?? I thought he was bankrupt?
Decided to go on a leaf peeping trip to get away from his bench at Port Authority
He got called in as a recurring, to add some drama to the drama - kinda like Tim Scott
Couldn't have happened to a better guy. 🙄
The driver of the other vehicle is undergoing physical therapy but is otherwise uninsured: sources
Question: Did the accident happen between a Crematorium & the Dildo Shop?
Do you have a bridge in Brooklyn you can sell me too, Rudi?
It is unfortunate there are not many expressing concern, but karma is a real bitch!
I think Joni Ernst would like a word.
Imagine being nealy killed and the only people to attend your bedside are a private clinician and your business partner. Tragic.
“And lower leg”
Uh huh….sure
Why is there so much bs in their nonsense.
LOL 😂 This story is way better than what Team Rudy! (FUCK YEAH! ) has offered as another drinking story.
When you are mayor you must be prepared for everything. Be it lawn care, liquor stores or street hookers, you are on it!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👏👏👏👏
Translation, Rudy’s car was rear ended while he was parked getting a blow job from a hooker.
This is exactly what I thought. So was it his back that really got injured?
Oh my…
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It’s the World According to Garp
Jesus. Wow. Hahah! I get it. I think. bsky.app/profile/patr...
This raises the question: what has Joe Biden been hiding?
Hunter's laptop :)
thought so
So nice to know that Screwdy G still has a security detail...while Trump took away the security detail for Kamala...
Nah, he's playing the Pedofuhrer on the world stage, while said Pf languishes in a home for advanced dementia patients. You can tell by the way they tried to make him sound like a hero first.
How could he afford a security detail ( likely more than one person as there is “ a head of”)?
Sounds like someone wanted to get rid of him
i was gonna make it like a movie poster but i got bored with it before i got to the title treatments
omg so many more believable scenarios pop up. was the girl trying to escape?
There's more to this story, gawd knows.
This made me laugh out loud!!! Thank you - perfect!
This makes more sense than his version.
His business partner was summoned to the hospital makes me almost feel bad for him. Not a family member or close friend. I said *almost* feel bad.
Mayor G was treated and released by Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
How can he afford security when he owes everyone bags of money?
"Four score and 7 Gins ago..."
His “head of security” is someone that had to quit running for a city council seat because he forged the signature of a state assemblyman to help him get on the ballot and when caught claimed that he was being set up by a teenager. So he’s a trusted source.
Ummm…thoughts and prayers?
Reminds me of one of these "Little Britain" skits www.youtube.com/watch?v=REpN...
“Folks, it just might be possible, I stress the word MIGHT, that the United States of America may be in the process of freeing itself from not one, but TWO, subhuman pieces of shit? Rudy and Donald? If you’ve never prayed before, now would be a fantastic time to start.”
The old stinky codger can't even keep himself from falling over, just trying to sit in a chair! I call bull 💩 on the good Samaritan theory.
Also, Rudy wasn't driving.
He’ll be holding a press conference Monday to discuss his injuries at The Supreme Food Court, Sheboygan, Wisconsin.
Did Rudy have a court date this week?
Ok, that's funny.
I couldn’t resist having it made🤣🤣
Took a dirt nap in the doorway of his local liquor store?
Yeah and I'm the virgin Mary if you believe This shit
Rudy Giuliani attempted to pick up a hooker, the pimp said not, Giuliani fled? That's the only way to make sense of this. While he was loaded
I heard that he was hurt as he was saving babies from a burning building. They can’t both be true, can they? 😏
Hey, Michael Rugusa has been blessed by TACO! "President Trump thanked me for taking care of the Mayor and said I was a “good kid.”"
Meanwhile, photos of the "incident" are circulating online, indicating extensive front-end damage and that he may not have been rear-ended as claimed.
That guy has a security detail? He should be penniless
Rudy was propositioning a prostitute who had just been struck by her pimp for wasting her time with that old geezer when his car was rear ended while illegally parked in a handicapped zone in front of a children's cancer hospital.
*fixed it*
His business partner was required? Weird
The bad guys always get their comeuppance in one way or another
How would a creep like Rudy Giuliani help a domestic violence victim? By offering to rape her? Patting her on the head and giving her a MAGA hat?
😆😆😆😆😆
😅Thanks. I needed that. 😔🤔🫢😆🫨🤣
He has his own medical provider? How is he paying for all these people? That money should be going to Shay Moss and Ruby Freeman.
I’m sure he can pay for that, and for the transfusion of orc blood.
And who’s paying for his security??
Security, spokesperson, driver, medical person and how many others?
Im so pleased his vertebrae snapped.. i'd be happy if he lived the rest of his life as a 'head on a stick'
Boo hoo
OK. This is the second Trump associate in 3-4 weeks to supposedly come to the aid of a woman in distress and get injured. Who drew the short straw for the next accident?
😂
Rudy has vertebrae?
Excellent work, here. Keep it up.
You win the internet for the day
More like exoskeleton 👍
Who knew?
He's not mayor. They should stop with the title. And may rot — quickly.
And he was definitely not soliciting a prostitute at the time
No thoughts. No prayers. Sorry, not sorry.
Many people are saying that Giuliani was drunk at the time of the accident and that the woman on the side of the road might have been a prostitute he tried to leave without paying for services rendered.
Wow. Just wow. And he used to be besties with the Pres, but I guess it's no good when you know what's in the Epstein files.
Was the domestic abuse victim also a six-foot rabbit named Harvey?
Sexy niche.
A real Poka.
But pink.
Sounds about right for Rudy.
All skepticism aside, those injuries sound awfully painful. I hope he makes a full, fast recovery.
Domino effect...Domino effect... All the enablers....👺📌👹📌
Thank you for inspiring a fit of giggles.
Lmao none of that happened until after the drugs kicked in...
It never says he was driving... so he was probably driving
🤣🤣🤣 And here I thought he was a train wreck.
He's a great guy somebody said at the porn garden center, and what a hero nobody said everywhere else.
Yah...! This really sounds suspicious to me!
Absolutely ridiculous! And, no one seems to know precisely where in NH. Just a lying asshole.
Take out over half of this and you'll get the story. Driving drunk, he got into a car crash.
The more desperate they get, the cringier their narrative will become. Between Newsom’s trolling, Epstein and the bad look of Trump’s authoritarian policies, they desperately need a warm, fuzzy, hot cocoa fairy tale about themselves they can believe, lest they be forced to face the truth.
Just another huge lie. According to the police that witnessed the accident, here’s what really happened:
Well Rudy’s story’s not suspicious at all now in light of the facts presented in the police report…
Not suspicious at all! And it definitely did not happen because someone drunkenly slammed on the brakes because there were flashing police lights on the other side of the highway, and they were too drunk to distinguish what was going on. That’s definitely not the reason they got hit from behind.
Who is Theodore Goodman?
A flunky who drives Rudy around since Rudy doesn’t have a license anymore.
Guiliani is the Portrait of Dorian Gray to the Taco Pres, except instead of absorbing deflected age, he absorbs deflected karma
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I suspect there is more to this story.
the car was drinking, no, not Rudy..
Hope it hurts. A lot.
I just got home from Gettysburg. If you can go, go. Beautiful in its tragedy. And we're having hot dogs for dinner. Trump IS the Epstein files.
My GHOD this sitcom just keeps writing itself! Asking an AI to help at this point would spoil the undiluted puerile ridiculousity of the sophomorically banal delivery that makes the punchlines so good & confuse the HELL out if the AI..!!🫣⁉️🤣
Rudy Guiliani's spinal fracture is what happens when someone with osteoporosis tries to blow himself...
😂
The arc of the karmic universe is long
That could happen to anyone. Hey, I like crows too.
I heard he rescued a baby from a burning building...
And then he went back in to get the dog, too.
Wow! Cool! America is hot right now! Pffffttt...lol
