I need a website called “Is This Normal?” so every time I discover something odd about my behavior, I can check it without having to post about to thousands of stranger. (Is it normal that I am constantly aware of my facial expressions when I’m around people?)
Yeah I can’t tell if it’s my OCD or something else, but this probably makes up 1/3 of my searches.
Have you considered if autism is right for you? (that realisation was what led me to mine...)
it's something i've been thinking about a lot this summer, honestly; just unsure about the line between "autism" and "dealing with childhood trauma."
My experience was that by accepting the autism, I realised a ton of the basis for my childhood/family issues was a consequence of the double-empathy problem. It helped me see where a lot of the miscommnication came from, and why I never felt heard. Which helped me to deal better with my past.
I have no diagnosis I just read some books about it and it felt like reading my soul, then tried to live as if I was autistic for a period and just didn't stop. The overwhelming depression I had also lightened. Think a lot of it was me trying to be something I wasn't.
Also autistic burnout, which explained my 3-5+ hour crying binges that I couldn't escape from and that repeated themselves much better than anything else. (cause lawd an anxiety attack is small beans compared to that shitcycle)
my experience hasn't been that kind of intense, but the burnout stuff does make sense to me, and i've been struggling with just being a human being a lot; i'm hyperaware, for sure, and the difficulties i've had socializing is still an issue i'm trying to unpack.
The socializing takes a toll still, it is very tiring to me, but it has become better too. I am more in tune with myself and the amount of hyperawareness and anxiety doesn't make me wonder wth is going on anymore. It had never felt proportional to a specific thing, always looming.
Have struggled with being a human being too, not feeling like I "belonged" anywhere, a lot of discomfort, and how to make money (on writing). I can do so many complicated internal things well (including storytelling), but financials and some other stuff just don't fit in my brain somehow.
also so much overwhelmingness.
www.goodreads.com/book/show/18... (a huge help) www.goodreads.com/book/show/41... (funny outlook on it) www.goodreads.com/book/show/59... (almost finished with this) www.goodreads.com/book/show/10... (I read just a bit of this, but found it helpful)
thanks, i was going to ask!
I got you. Huge fan of your writing, btw! :)
(the awareness of facial expressions when with others I mean)