Tuesday night: Google more recipes for chicken thighs and the benefits of home cooking verses eating ultra processed foods while making my grocery shopping list for healthy whole foods while eating a meatball sub and a bag of Cheetos I bought at Sheetz on my way home from work.

Wednesday: Does not go to the grocery store and eats the other half of the meatball sub and the leftover Spring Roll from Saturday. Spends the rest of the night vomiting.

Thursday: Goes grocery shopping and buys a large package of chicken thighs and some ground beef and other ingredients to make homemade lasagna. Gets home too late to cook so orders Raman Noodles from Door Dash.

Friday: Decides I’m sick of chicken and fry some ground beef into a bun-less hamburger but I burn it and it sets off the smoke alarm. Orders a Big Mac and fries and a milkshake from Door Dash.

Remembers that consuming ice cream or any dairy product in the evening causes me to vomit. Looks at the sell by date on the large package of chicken thighs I just bought and realize I must cook them by tomorrow.

Saturday: My Door Dash driver and I are now engaged. In case you are interested, we are registered for wedding gifts at Whole Foods.

Oh that Hillary...she's hillarious [you 2 kids got some quinoa coming, okai]