Dear god WT makes me insane. It’s witches brew. I see it now and I either shudder or run.

In college I worked on a farm where we raised free range turkeys. Despite feeding them the weeds I picked day after day, one of them pecked me in the eye and ate my contact lens. Turkeys are assholes

I lived in Boston near a conservation area and saw a wild turkey in the front yard so I texted my roommates about it and they were like "why didn't you kill it for dinner?" "With my bare hands? Fuck that I'm not that stupid"

My Boston-area friends all have turkey stories, including one which involved a very solemn funeral procession interrupted by a turkey attacking the hearse.