😅

Dude could have done something consequence free but, in typical papal fashion, choose not to act.

Or at the very least - lost any and all will to live... Can't blame him.

Relatable

Seppuku Pope

SepPopeku 😔

"unalive himself" ;)

That's sofaology

Gives a new meaning to "pillow talk"

Welp

Well, no, because that would be a sin. But I think that after meeting Vance and becoming acutely disturbed by the meeting, the Pope realized that only with a face-to-face meeting with the Lord could he make the strongest appeal for His direct and immediate intervention. I pray he’s successful.

#EJDTD

Yes, may the Pope's memory be a blessing. JD Vance meets the Pope, who dies the next day. BRILLIANT Performance Art - wow! The Universe has a twisted sense of humor, sometimes. Call it karma, call it a headline, But DON'T call this normal. Power this dark always leaves a mark.

He heard Vance was praying for him and died out of spite. Respect.

Not quite. God looked down and said, “oh boy, that’s enough suffering, you’re free pontiff”.

His last moments on earth were spent calling JD Vance a fucking heartless monster. I love that for him. May we all get the chance to tell one of them to fuck off before we go.

Many people are saying this

lol!!!

bsky.app/profile/capt...

God did it. Took one look at what his boy was up to and called him into an urgent meeting.

I can think of at least one thing he should’ve done first.

@bencollins.bsky.social 1984 meets the Holocaust, our current reality. Google IS quietly sanitizing the 2024 satellite image of #CECOT, right now. View #CECOT yourself on Google maps, while it's still publicly available. Remember to switch to satellite view: maps.app.goo.gl/9pjhA3WmHqmm...

Justified crashout

Modi promised him a reincarnation deal.

Judas D Vance. Now we know what the J stand for.

I figure after talking to Vance he just gave up… not worth fighting to live anymore

What about the stories where he refused to meet Vance?

Valid

Can you blame him?

Met the faker and then met his maker

He died from the strain of repressing the intense desire to tell Vance to go fuck himself.

Vance probably promised to return, so the pope chose the best option to avoid having to see him again.

The Pope’s final act of resistance was kicking JD Vance to the curb.

After he discovered what happened to his favourite couch.

The Uno Reversi of the John Boehner.

#svpol #nopol #dkpol #sfpol #TurncoatVance Stealing from a dying old man

I believe what happened is he said I would rather die than forgive this man’s cruelty.

✅ this post has been fact-checked by True American Patriots™

God trolled the Pope by making him do his exit interview with Vance

JD? 🤞🏼

If only the "himself" signified the other guy

The Pope was forced to talk to JD Vance and never recovered.

Child fuckers he can handle, but one he met the couch fucker the Pope was done.

Can't say I blame him.

JD meeting the Pope was meant to be. I hate people like Vance! 😡

Many people are saying this

JD Vance killed him before the pope could announce that JD was excommunicated.

Those first two lines sung to the opening of “Last Friday Night”

Ah no. Suicide is a sin in the Catholic faith and the Pope deserves a better joke.

I hope the pope didn't die on a couch ...

The pope died on a rope

JD Vance aka the Grim Reaper?

One look, that’s all it took.

ETTD

I want to type an “lol!” right now because this is such a superbly crafted joke but the Pope just passed away so I won’t. 😉

Fuck

The pope killed the wrong person at that meeting

So would I.

Not the first time this has happened

Who's that on the left?

The queen of England and Liz Truss, then PM.

The pope is literally eyeballing vance like O.0 tf is this demon!?

shouldn't laugh but i am

I choose to believe he died of shock that someone so dumb and deplorable could be elected VPOTUS.

Has anyone checked JD for a hidden "666" tattoo? It would be a nasty job, but somebody has got to do it.

Probably should have done it before the meeting.

No, he didn't.

www.nbcchicago.com/news/jd-vanc...

The only way I can reconcile both notes, is that there are "official meetings" and "social meetings", or something like that, I don't know the protocol. www.financialexpress.com/world-news/j...

That tracks, tbh. I'm not speaking from a place of authority here, but all the accounts seem to point to the pope having ditched all formal meetings with Vance, but having a 5 minute meet and greet with Vance on Easter Sunday, prior to going out and doing his business.

THE POPE DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF

First time reading Tim Onion.

Onion this, Onion that. Epstein may have killed himself, but The Pope certainly did not.

Hmm.. progressive pope preaching kindness & compassion 🤔 www.michigandaily.com/uncategorize...

I've been saying this entire administration is a plague on humanity. I didn't mean it literally but it looks like I might be on to something. That might be why they're dismantling the CDC and put RFKJr in charge of HHS.

He pointed at Vance, screamed “El Diablo!!” and died a few hours later. 👿

This filthy nasty Nazi is a walking death-factory. Pope shook his hand, didn't need ricin to do the deed.

You’d think that it would be bigger news that JD Vance killed the Pope but I guess not

Having seen the way interviewers deflate when talking to Vance, I'm about 99% sure that Vance simply killed the vibe so hard that he threw off the cortisol Surge that was keeping the Pope going for his last few appointments.

JD spent the entire audience thinking he was talking with Benedict and demanding stories of the 'old days' in Bavaria.

Holding on to the antecedent ambiguity with every ounce of hope within me.

Can you blame the Pope? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not The Onion

Then the Pope dies. What does that tell you?

UNFOLD THAT PAPER!!!!!

Then what...then WHAT?!?!

WE NEED TO KNOW

Let the conspiracy theories begin. No, really, go for it.

ETTD... by extension.

This is peak front page design. Love it. The article to the right, though. "Failures" doesn't seem to cover killing fifteen medics and putting them in a mass grave WITH their ambulances. Yikes. D:

I mean it does, if they meant to say they got caught in the act.

You won't believe what happens next

Seems likely.

Sources are saying this may be what happened

This is pretty harsh, but very fair.

Talking his inspiration from rfkjr's wife

The Pope lost their game of Russian Roulette. Fair game to JD.

Disgusting to think it was one of his final acts.

Pope tried a Father Damien style exorcism of JD but the devil had full SCOTUS backing.

Many such cases

Relatable, even in death

😳😳😳

Vance's parting comment of "Lighten up Francis" did it.

You just made the list.

I'm going straight to hell. I know........

Should have killed himself before meeting JD Vance, then his last memory of life wouldn't be meeting JD Vance.

That's not true, JD Vance is very much unfortunately alive and kicking.

Wouldn't we all?

JD Vance dropped the pope and his head fell off

Everybody who meets Vance has to at least consider it, or the other option.