Fantastic photo choice, btw.

Photo snapped just as she inhaled in preparation to say "Marxist-Communist."

the jokes write themselves

She looks like Daffy Duck just hit her in the face with a frying pan

Her teeth are about to tinkle like piano keys then fall out one by one.

taken right before unhinging her jaw

Rudy Guilliani would've been funnier

He'll probably be the next choice.

He's up for attorney general (is that a possibility? Idk how USpol works)

I don't think there is a good photo of this lady, I recognize her voice but only recently did I actually see her face attempting to move when she speaks. It's haunting. The obsession with beauty in conservative circles that results in people mutilating themselves with botox is insane.

Hegseth needs a drinking buddy.

Damn. This administration is practically an "As Seen on TV" section at K-Mart.

More like the section at BevMo

Very life-like! Sort of . . .

Those who can’t, teach. Those who can, do. The true world brains, though, get drunk and shout propaganda on Fox News.

It's like Beyonce's DURRR pic.

She looks drunk. Although, to be fair, she looks drunk in pretty much every picture I've seen of her.

It would get her off the TV, so there is that.

Looks like she just sat on a pie.

Stroke photo

is there any photo of her where she doesn't look shitfaced?

Did they drop her wax-work

Reminds me of Will Ferrel's harrry Carey

She looks like she's charging up an attack.

Looks like she’s letting one rip

If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were a paid consultant to tRump. You naughty boy.

It really conveys the boxed-wine essence of Pirro's soul.

"and i'm joined by my co-counsel, this empty box of franzia"

That’s an insult to box wine.

Here ya go…there’s that “essence.”

Somewhere out there a wax museum is missing her very much

I yelled OMFG at the TV, and my husband asked from another room if I was OK. 😆

I saw a pic of her from 2016 and MAN it has been a LONG 9 years

Just missing that recently finished off box of wine.

you mean that wasnt you guys?

Godzilla vibes, ready to crush skyscrapers with an oversized box of wine.

They edited out the booze and cigarettes though.

Congrats to the Lebanese community and the drunk community

pete needs a drinking buddy...

How many train wreck drunk TV hosts can he hire?

All of them

Honestly the biggest thing protecting Americans from the most vile parts of the Trump Agenda is the incompetence of those appointed to enact it. In that sense I’m okay with this.

runway models call this look "the mid-sneeze"

At this point, of *course* he’d choose an absolute Fox host lunatic to own the libs as D.C attorney 🙄

Love that the famous teetotaler is stocking his cabinet with every fall down drunk at Fox News

Judge Judy would be a better choice. So would Judge Reinhold.

Buckle up, Hegseth. You and your liver have got some competition.

She looks hammered

Is this a joke?

Her pronoun is “she” but , if you include Trump is “they”. Regardless, the answer is yes.

Isn’t she like 100 years old?

Judge Boozy McLiverdamage

Time to start requiring breathalyzers for Trump cabinet secretaries before their hearings.

I'm opening a new spot near her office called Cabernet Sorta Law

Not another drunk!

Are you writing this?

presuming he hadn't is why I asked this bsky.app/profile/dave...

Excellent question

Hahaha so good. Would be a shame to not have her making hilarious tv though.

I want a live cam in her courtroom. I want to see how many times she falls off the chair drunk as a skunk.

Fox Presidency! Holy shit is right!

Apparently, the top qualifications for Trump giving you a position in government are to a) kiss his ass and b) be an alcoholic.

Remember, only a few months ago, when this kind of headline could only be imagined for The Onion?

Pete Hegseth needs a drinking buddy in DC.

At least whiskey leaks won’t be the biggest alcoholic in the cabinet anymore

🤦‍♂️

"Drunk Court" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

These guy can’t be parodied.

They keep trying to 1-up you.

That would guarantee no convictions

Trump looooooooooves people who are drunk by 9am.

Trump's circle really is that small.

Isn't she drunk on air alot?

ever worry about trump putting the onion out of the comedy business, tim?

That’s her, “I Sharted” face.

Trump watches TV and makes his choices.

Jeebus

That's good because you can get away with things by offering her large quantities of boxed wine.

You can’t Onion this shit up. 🤦🏻‍♂️

If that's the case, SNL should absolutely ask Cecily Strong to reprise her role.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=-pXM...

Oh fucking no

All the best people in my ass. Everybody hide your box wine...

Being a drunk is now a prerequisite for working in this administration.

and being a fox employee

Another alcoholic. Oh boy.

Looks like Hesgeth is going to have a drinking buddy.

An old school, box wine annihilator. The only opponent she’s ever lost to is sobriety.

Breaking: Fox “News” studio cameraman wonders which Department in the Trump Administration he will be heading up.

her and hegseth can get together and knock back a couple 5ths

Excuse me while I go find a steel I-beam to bang my head against right quick.

Sure why not have another fox flunky for a DC prosecutor. The clown show just gets bigger and more stupid. America can only laugh, otherwise tears would be flowing. The dumbest and most unqualified seam to get the job of trumps third reich

Trump has a thing for those who have had way too much gender-affirming surgery!

She usually sounds drunk...on those rare times when she's not ranting. Is she another #FoxAlcoholic? Does #felon47 get drunk on fumes? Is that how #DUIhire keeps his job? Does she drink something different and #DementiaDon is looking for variety?

hegseth needs a drinking buddy

Judge Judy for SCOTUS!

Of course he is.

The lady who shot and missed Durst. Sure.

Put a bottle between her and Pete, and it would be like two shithawks fighting over a french fry in a McDonalds parking lot.

Every meeting will have a 2 drink minimum

Not a serious country

That isn't very funny man, I expect better from the onio

Do you think Pirro really wants to give up her rather cushy tv job for one where she might actually have to do some work?

Yes!!! Put some incompetent twat in that place and cases will be lost by her on a regular basis!

Time for SNL to call Cecily Strong!

“My prosecutor had half a box of wine I’m going to jail dawg”

What's a "jail dawg"?

Dawg have you never seen a police dog

Oh yes of course they need more silicone and eyebrows to do their jobs!

Once again hiring only the best merit-based people!

What? Is Pete Hegseth not drunk enough for them?

lol 😂

Too much!

Another one? What happens when they are all out of Fox to give?

cool more drunk people

She'll fit right in with Hegseth.

Fucking hell, man…

Lmao what in the actual fuck is going on here? Governance by people who legit won a legal battle by claiming they were nothing more than entertainment and any intelligent person would know they’re not news. Trump selecting these performers is just icing on the cake.

Not the onion?

His obsession with whatever he’s seen me last had me convinced he’d lose a game of peek-a-boo, AND be convinced you had his nose.

Ah, so this is what it’s like to be in the moment where you chose to become an alcoholic.

Hard NO!

News stories need to start having a label on them: Not the Onion

Lmfao

I didn’t think she had it in her to pass a bar

🏆

lol

Curious what bar she’s reporting to…..?

(DC liquor stores increase their boxed wine inventory)

Wait this isn't one of yours? Getting weird that reality is giving you competition at this point

As an aside, I absolutely hate that spelling of "eyeing".

Drunk Janine Yes holy sht

Not The Onion?

The Angry Television Pop Culture President

The Onion is getting strong competition

My lord!!! What a joke. 🤦🏻‍♀️

How is this not an onion article 🥲

Beyond parody. Reality is putting the Onion out of business.

When I said trump would pick somebody who played a lawyer on tv I was just joking.

She and Hegseth can hit the bars together!

This will get interesting. She’ll be out of her depth and look dumber than Linda McMahon! Is that possible? She’ll probably do it as quid pro quo for the Trump’s pardon of her ex-husband.

We are living the dreams of our foremothers.

You guys at the Onion must be tearing your hair out trying to think of stuff more absurd than this administration

😆😆😆😆😆a real ‘winner!’ 🤮🤮

I'd rather live on The Onion's time line.

She may be a slight improvement over Martin, but if Hegseth and Duffy are any indication of Faux Newz Psychosis in government ...OMFG

These Onion stories are amazing. They really brighten my day with their droll absurdity. Keep cranking these babies out!

Do it.

Is The Onion responsible for all news now?

worse, they're writing the script of this thimeline.

argh. that's normally not how i prefer to spell timeline, but my brain is having that kind of day today.

Thih ith the thupidetht thimeline, mathter.

normally i'd make a self-deprecating joke along the lines of hey, that means i fit right in then, but this timeline is so damn stupid it's not even funny and i want nothing to do with it and actually i do not fit in.

Between Pirro and Hegseth, due to time constraints, Cabinet Meetings will now include AA meetings followed by cocktail hours.

Hell yeah. You won't believe how many cases are going to lost at trial, folks.

Pirro is what happens when your judge, prosecutor, and bartender are all the same person.

EXACTLY.....

At least liquor stores will be fine.

More alcoholics. MORE.

I guess you can’t actually nominate a quantity of hard liquor itself for a job…

But there's no rule saying a box of wine CAN'T be the U.S. Attorney....

That headache looks like a full cask of cheap grappa.

Are there no qualification requirements for these positions?

What

😂

An outside the box(ed wine) choice

Invest in box wine companies It’s going to be YUUUGE…

We live in the stupidest timeline.

Pete Hegseth is her sponsor.

Haha great onion headline sir

i don’t know how you can work in this environment

Are we sure this isn't an Onion article?

Famously failed to get a conviction of a man who admitted to cutting off his neighbors head. Great choice!

She and hegseth would really be a matched set

As long as it gets her off fox news 🤣

Gonna challenge Hegseth for drunkest Trump appointee

🤣🤣🤣

MAKE IT STOP!

that's the mom from Andor, right

😂🤣

Uncle Harlo must have a botox clinic.

no that's a picture of the Rancor from Jabba the Hutt's dungeon

" The boyfriend" looks nice and the girls seem to have eaten their spaghetti and meat balls! the boyfriend:

Yes, but the photo was taken like 25 years ago.

Marva Andor would never. She literally said “fuck the Empire”.

Syril's mom, not Andor's.

not *that* mom

Oh, Edie Karn.

😂😆😂👏👏👏⚾⚾⚾ 100% accurate!

You know what, honestly, I’d rather her than Martin because while both are evil, Martin is motivated and Pirro is sauced by lunch.

First staff meeting...

DoJ catering funds run dry after filling new US Attorney's drinks order, story at 11.

Yam Tits is desperately trying to claw back the spotlight.

Oh lol, lmao even

This bitch can't even keep her eyes open.

She looks like she survived being set on fire

She is a Screamrr

That'll end well, I'm sure.

Randy Quaid is up for director of public sanitation

The Anacostia will flow red with Cabernet.

Bust out the box wine!

Another sloppy drunkard

Gonna be awesome when she still does her show every day. It’s not like any of those people are doing actual work. Kash Money lives in Vegas and showed up the a budget hearing today with no budget. A meritocracy sounds productive.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahafuck

Have you considered a new career ?

Wouldn't non-corrupt person in that position make far less than a prime time Fox host?

I love how they picked a photo of her where she looks wasted. 😂

The drunk working for the skunk!!😂

Cecily Strong clear your schedule

(She’s about to have a kid, but I trust Pirro will be around for more than a Scaramucci.)

a kid? she looks at least 60

Cecily is about to have a kid. Pirro is about to have a blackout

🤣

Is this the one I’ve heard referred to as “Box Wine Judge”?

She’ll be breaking out the box wine tonight 🥳 🥴

Won’t she need detox first?

Pete Hegseth will have a drinking buddy!

Oops all alcoholics

This is what happens when you leave a toddler playing with a live hand grenade... just to see what happens.

She and Hegseth can party together.

Like honestly The Onion could’ve said this.

How do you compete with this?

Did she misunderstand what the American Bar Association does?

Wait… I can’t tell if this is an Onion article or not.

If she falls through at least he’s got Dershowitz to back her up

Cut the cable to the White House and save lives

🤣🤣🤣 Jeannine needs to lay off the sauce

you mean the woman made famous by HBO as the prosecutor who “had one job” but couldn’t convict Robert Durst?

Only the best people

Finally, someone in the cabinet who can drink Pete Hegseth under the table.

An actual box of wine could do a better job.

Good, she does more damage on the air than she can do in the court system. In court, she can lose her license.

She'll work for boxed wine and cigarettes. Good deal.

hes just hiring people he knows from the tv and thats not even a joke

MF'rs trying to put the Onion out of business.

President Television

Since I say this every day, "this can't be real." Lets make it an acronym (TCBR) Got it?

last relentlessly drunk Fox News host political appointee has been working out great

What a joke. Just like all his placements

If she gets the job, she's promised to drink much much more.

A whole box of wine AND deep dish communion wafers. What a Thursday!

The DoD/DoJ joint Xmas party is gonna be lit!

I thought this was an onion article at first

ahh cool, another alcoholic leaking government secrets by accident throught signal

Botox Crypt Keeper

Drunken no.

Shhurrly yu jest.

When will we learn to stop wishing on monkey paws?