You're boned six ways to Sunday, might as well do something cool. "Recommitting to tallow fries" isn't gonna get it done. You gotta woke your way out of this one. Announce you're changing the logo again but just make the font one point smaller, no other changes. Do this again nine days later.
open "Cracker Barrel Deluxe" but it only sells CBD
Kafka Barrel
New logo just a picture of John Brown
Or Nat Turner
Nat Turner and John Brown presiding over the gay marriage of their sons while, in the background, Sonia Sotomayor provides free IVF treatments for undocumented immigrants so they can have anchor babies while a Fox News commentator tries to remember if they like the Jews this week or not. Too busy?
Two words: Michelin Star
They could at least change out the crap on their walls
Da fuq is tallow?
"but just make the font one point smaller, no other changes" ah yes, the iPhone approach
“We’re being back the person in the logo. They’re name is Erinn and they’re non binary”
It’s Gluten-Free Wafer Barrel now, and we only serve customers with made-up food allergies
First commercial will show Erinn sitting in their parents’ basement playing video games.
Just fantastic spelling and grammar here
It’s better this way, perfect for the press release copy. Part of Gay Cracker Barrel is every employee is hammered 24/7.
They should do the logo in wing ding font.
I'm fucking in.
Aw geez
I see... an elegant young woman, and... Donald Trump?
Wouldn't it be "their name ARE Erinn"?
What?
Due to verb-pronoun concordance rules, in the same manner as it already applies to groups and companies such as "the police are" or "Google are", it should follow that Erinn should, too, be conjugated in the plural, hence "Erinn *are*"
But the subject of the verb is "name", which is singular
Most would say “Google is…”
Yeah, it's inconsistent because the rule varies per country. The UK does use groupal plurals as a standard, but not the US.
We even got crackheads on BlueSky. Cool.
Eh, I'm just a learner of English as a second language trying to extrapolate the new changing rules
“Name” is the thing that would be agreeing with “is”. “Their” can refer to multiple people, or to one person of unknown or nonbinary gender.
"Name" is the subject of the sentence. Please go back to 3rd grade.
...hold up that's right, the sentence didn't help matters much though
Made perfect sense to me. Maybe youre just not very smart.
Again, just learner of English as a second language. Still getting used to the language basically dropping conjugation down the board at times.
For maximum effectiveness it needs to literally be the same guy they had on the logo, but there's now a blurb on the website explaining that his name is Erinn and he's nonbinary.
Announce a collab and meal deal with the singer of "Drift Away" and change your name to Uncle Kracker Barrel
Stick a farting hall in each location and you’re gold.
so you're saying cracker barrel max?
Crackr Barrl.
Slowly make the logo progressively smaller until it's just a blank space, then follow it up by making the font so impossibly large it fills up the whole space with a single black letter
Do it for only the "Cracker" part though, until this time next year they're just BARREL
They should buy an ad in The Onion too.
Barrell made of Beans. Flick this, losers!
Fcould also throw the Chicago bean in there
“Ok hear me out, there’s a rainbow shooting out of the barrel like a play on pot of gold leprechaun imagery but totally gay. Maybe there are some fries or whatnot poking up from the barrel, too, because why not.”
Restore America's days of glory down at the Cracker Barrel Glory Hole, with padding from quilts stitched by real grandmothers.
The only woke out is thru.
WHO GIVES A FUCK??? HE"S USING OUR FUCKING TAX DOLLARS TO FUND A PRIVATE ARMY AND YOU"RE DUNKING ON CRACKER BARREL???
Bud, there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
WHY ISN"T ANYONE ELSE AS "ANGRY" AS ME??? AM I THE FUCKING PROBLEM HERE???
LOOK AROUND YOU>>> LOOK DOWN THE BAR FROM YOU>>> IS THIS THE PLACE YOU WANT TO BE???
Since Cracker Barrel started serving alcohol? Yes.
LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE GRAVE.. ACCK THPPT!!!
Is this a Cathy "ACCK" or a Bill The Cat "THPPT", or a newly discovered combination of the two
DID YOU EVEN READ THE COMICS???
Yes, Bill is Donald Trump after getting hit by a cruise ship, Opus brushed his teeth with Preparation H, etc, I know
Is this a bit?
I don't think you understand who is failing here
WHO THE FUCK AM I??? I DON"T GIVE A FUCK!!!
I thought your whole deal was giving a fuck.
WHAT"S YOUR DEAL??? WHAT GETS YOU RILED UP>>> BUCKO???
Go ALL in, Baby!!
I just realized the whole Cracker Barrel malarkey was caused by Robby Starbuck, the idiot activist Meta hired to consult them on woke AI. Some pretty crazy language here all to get an old man back on a logo www.foxnews.com/politics/con...
or better yet, announce the change to the logo. have a big photo op, presser. but don't change it. "I can't help if you can't see it. we love that you have nostalgia for the old cracker barrel, but this is the new cracker barrel..."
No location will have a health grade above C to comply with MAHA
Cis people are banned from the bathroom and toilet stalls are only for doing K and gloryholes. All food items now contain high dose HRT and the gift shop only sells trans pride pet accessories. The logo is now lavender and has the old man with barrel wearing a maid outfit. All staff are hot thems
Go for the obvious based on the convoluted font and re-brand as "Gracker Barrel"
Do a whole "Wario" thing. Inverted colors. Crooked mustaches.
Lean into the pegging. bsky.app/profile/toow...
They should open up food carts in the one place angry conservatives are too afraid to go: The New York subway.
Colik Kaepernick's TRANS HONKEY BARREL whenever you enter you have to salute the rainbow flag while screaming the lyrics to Pink Pony Club
