When you take you the digressions and qualifications: “For non-whites […] the death of [Trayvon] Martin followed by [Michael] Brown […] thwarted any self-congratulatory sense of the inevitability of social progress still alive in the first half of Obama's second administration.” … fucking what??
I’m really struggling with how some congratulates themselves for a sense of inevitability.
I can't see who is supposedly self-congratulatory. Is it supposed to be the non-whites that are congratulating themselves on not getting extrajudicially murdered by law enforcement quite as often?
Non-whites congratulated themselves because they felt that social progress was inevitable and they should be… congratulated for that sense of inevitability?? But then the extrajudicial killings made them realise they shouldn’t be congratulating themselves?????
I mean, maybe.
I think it's whites, because l non - whites notice the police killings. But an editor would have to run it past the author to check that's what he meant.
Yep. Even at this stage it needs extensive rewriting.
The claim is that the feel-good vibes of the Obama era were shut down by those murderers. Moreover, ICE must be abolished.
"Fon non-whites" has to connect to the ubiquitous cameras, so that even though things are getting better, they seem to be getting worse. But I can't find a place to make the connection. He should have left breadcrumbs so he could find his way home.
I think he’s bundling ubiquitous cameras and social media in with the killings, so both stop the self-congratulatory sense (?) Rather than breadcrumbs, I would suggest that he simply stop writing.
When you are lost STOP Stop Think (what am I trying to write?) Observe (this sentence makes no sense) Panic (maybe I shouldn't have wandered into these dark woods!)
Still wouldn't make sense but it needs to be "deaths"
Or you could insert "that of" before Brown and get the bonus of two extra words in the sentence.
This guy sentences.
We WILL make "sentence as a verb" happen.