-plant fig trees ☺️ -wait 3-4 years 🥰 -finally! all-u-can-eat figs! 😍 -find out what all-u-can-eat figs does to the inside of your mouth 💀
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(fig skin has a proteolytic enzyme in it. kinda like pineapple & papaya. will be fine, but that was a couple hours of ouch) (but wait! there's more! if you get the leaves/sap on your skin & stay out in bright sun, you can get 2nd degree burns) (the theological ramifications are staggering)
aug 25, 2025, 5:26 am • 221 11 • view
Waaat! Is it any better if they're cooked??
aug 25, 2025, 12:48 pm • 1 0 • view
idk would have to Google it
aug 25, 2025, 12:59 pm • 2 0 • view
🤣
aug 25, 2025, 5:33 am • 1 0 • view
My parents planted a fig tree behind their house, under the bathroom window (they're funny that way). When I was pregnant with my first kiddo, I ate ALL THE FIGS off that sizable tree. All of them. Kid, now 20, has an oral fruit allergy since year 2 😅
aug 25, 2025, 5:42 am • 3 0 • view
I had a skin reaction to a fig leaf and figured I should stop eating figs, because clearly I’d developed an allergy. I now know this is bad logic, but still feel wary. We had a huge mature fig tree my dad cut down for reasons I cannot understand. It’s come back from the stump, he’s happy.
aug 25, 2025, 6:12 am • 4 0 • view
Oh yeah the leaf burn thing is universal, not an allergy. People can get more sensitized over time but that's usually "working in a fig orchard" levels of contact with the trees.
aug 25, 2025, 12:56 pm • 4 0 • view
Interesting. Ficin sensitivity does develop with prolonged exposure, but casual contact rarely causes issues for most people.
aug 25, 2025, 2:58 pm • 1 0 • view
The sap doesn't do anything at all to my hands, but I got a little on my belly yesterday & it started itching IMMEDIATELY washed it off with a lil soap & water & it was fine
aug 25, 2025, 5:49 pm • 1 0 • view
God hates figs
aug 25, 2025, 12:24 pm • 1 0 • view
Fig preserves are the bomb though.
aug 25, 2025, 11:22 am • 1 0 • view
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t have to put anything on my skin to get 2nd degree burns when I stay out in the bright sun.
aug 25, 2025, 12:25 pm • 2 0 • view
I got second degree burns from shopping in a mall with big sky lights lol
aug 25, 2025, 12:29 pm • 2 0 • view
Me in the sun:
aug 25, 2025, 6:37 pm • 1 0 • view
It's the tree of Dionysus, so there's gonna be a little feralness in your pleasure
aug 25, 2025, 5:49 am • 10 1 • view
feral and ferreal
aug 25, 2025, 12:59 pm • 1 0 • view
Oh this is really interesting. I cannot eat pineapple but fresh figs don’t give me that problem. Or maybe I have never enough to find out. Hmmm how many do you need to eat to find out? I hope your mouth feels better soon.
aug 25, 2025, 6:17 am • 1 0 • view
oh it's fine I just didn't see it coming
aug 25, 2025, 12:58 pm • 2 0 • view
curse of the dead wasps inside
aug 25, 2025, 5:34 am • 4 0 • view
most domesticated figs don't need wasps for pollination, they're doing this out of pure love of the game
aug 25, 2025, 1:00 pm • 4 0 • view
Thank you, I thought I was allergic!
aug 25, 2025, 7:42 am • 1 0 • view
ooooh, like hogweed!
aug 25, 2025, 12:36 pm • 1 0 • view
I peel them—does that fix it? Otherwise my squirrels are saving me from myself with our tree.
aug 25, 2025, 5:57 am • 1 0 • view
kinda yeah, allegedly the enzyme's mostly in the skin
aug 25, 2025, 12:59 pm • 1 0 • view
Thank you! I’ve suffered enough with pineapples.
aug 25, 2025, 1:39 pm • 0 0 • view
"Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it."
aug 25, 2025, 5:34 am • 19 0 • view
Jesus that’s a bit dark and petty.
aug 25, 2025, 6:14 am • 6 0 • view
Ba dum tish
aug 25, 2025, 6:43 am • 4 0 • view
I knew I was in the right place when I could riff on that passage during a department lunch and everyone would get the joke.
aug 25, 2025, 12:23 pm • 6 0 • view
My students all think I'm really religious with how much I know about the bible, so I have to say no, I have no religion, I just grew up in a time when everyone knew that shit and also I love studying religions
aug 25, 2025, 12:28 pm • 2 0 • view
GOD HATES FIGS
aug 25, 2025, 12:24 pm • 25 5 • view
inb4 someone chimes in to say "but you could make fig jam / jelly / some kind of alcoholic concoction out of it!"
aug 25, 2025, 2:21 pm • 4 0 • view
🙌
aug 25, 2025, 5:26 pm • 1 0 • view
fruit eats you
aug 25, 2025, 5:33 am • 5 0 • view
Must've been overcast
aug 25, 2025, 5:31 am • 1 0 • view
So tenderizing fig marinade is what I'm getting from this. Balsamic vinegar and sliced fig for pork loin maybe? With cracked black pepper and black garlic and shallots, maybe some mushrooms.
aug 25, 2025, 6:20 am • 9 0 • view
Nothing is as delectable as the first few ripe figs fresh off your personal tree each season, but by the season's end a mature tree will have pumped out so many figs that you'll be sick of them (until the following season, when the cycle repeats).
aug 25, 2025, 8:01 am • 3 1 • view
The trick is to give enough away that you never get sick of them. I just heard a great tip: egg cartons are perfect for gifting figs.
aug 25, 2025, 3:15 pm • 3 0 • view
Bahahaha, too relatable! Did turn some of mine into a pizza last night, so that was solid.
aug 25, 2025, 10:52 pm • 0 0 • view
Are you picking while there is still sap flowing? It makes a huge difference if you can wait until they are maximally ripe before picking, the sap flow stops and the sweetness intensifies. If you jump the gun, cutting the neck off with the stem tends to eliminate the area with the most sap.
aug 25, 2025, 6:24 am • 3 0 • view
we only pick every few days so some aren't fully ripe yet, just gonna just cut off the neck or eat em with a spoon
aug 25, 2025, 12:54 pm • 1 0 • view
For anyone who doesn’t have enough experience to eyeball it, pricking the stem with something fine like a safety pin will quickly tell you whether sap is still flowing.
aug 25, 2025, 6:26 am • 1 0 • view
-feed all the figs to your parrots (my plan)
aug 25, 2025, 8:35 am • 3 0 • view
But, but, ... figs!
aug 25, 2025, 2:31 pm • 1 0 • view
Surprising number of fig trees in my neighborhood in Brooklyn!
aug 25, 2025, 5:32 am • 1 0 • view
I had no idea!! I don’t think we can grow fig trees in Michigan, but some of the local ethnic grocery stores occasionally have them dirt cheap, and I have definitely bought huge amounts before
aug 25, 2025, 6:05 am • 2 0 • view
Depending on which growing zone in Michigan you're in, you might be able to grow certain varieties of fig trees that supposedly are hardy up to zone 6. ediblelandscaping.com/products/har...
aug 25, 2025, 6:12 am • 1 0 • view
Also of note: they grow wonderfully in containers, so as long as someone has a place to stash a tree that’s generally above 15F and below 50F all winter, the only real constraint is the length of the growing season.
aug 25, 2025, 6:32 am • 2 0 • view
I live in Denver and I’m thinking about getting a pair of big wheeled tree planters and putting Chicago Hardy Figs in them. I’ve got space in the garage to stash them in winter.
aug 25, 2025, 12:27 pm • 3 0 • view
Worth a shot! Even in a warmer area, I still rely on garage wintering to keep my favorites safe. One thing to keep in mind is that they are have a very high metabolism for plants — they need a lot of watering and a rich soil mix since they’ll need to find all their nutrients in the pot.
aug 25, 2025, 3:00 pm • 0 0 • view
But: they need basically nothing overwinter except maybe a cup or two of water monthly if they dry out.
aug 25, 2025, 3:07 pm • 0 0 • view
We can. Barely. Search "Hardy Fig" and you'll find some for sale. But they freeze back to the roots in winter and have barely a long enough growing season to ripen before fall frost.
aug 25, 2025, 1:01 pm • 0 0 • view