Y’all are making jokes, but have you considered that maybe Rudy Giuliani is like Batman just cruising around New Hampshire looking for damsels in distress he can rescue?
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Y’all are making jokes, but have you considered that maybe Rudy Giuliani is like Batman just cruising around New Hampshire looking for damsels in distress he can rescue?
The words every victim of domestic violence hopes to be able to say one day: “Thank God Rudy Giuliani is here!”
Ladies, if a guy invites you back to his place and asks you to check out the secret room hidden inside a Coke machine, do NOT do that
My phone doesn’t recognize me when I take my glasses off, so I think I might be Superman
In a bid to cash in on the success of the Minecraft movie, Atari develops a live-action Centipede film, however leaked footage indicates the visual effects are lacking
I’ve often heard the expression “like a chicken with its head cut off” but you can’t really appreciate it until you’ve seen it
Kind of sums up Alabama’s day
Totally normal thing that a sane person would post uh huh
I’m gonna miss watching Lee Corso put on goofy mascot headgear. He has always seemed like such a nice guy.
Will do! “May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership” Psalm 109:8
It finally happened.
Hey @support.bsky.team I don’t live in Mississippi but I keep seeing this because my ISP shows me as being in Mississippi sometimes. We need a better way to tell where people are located!
“Boulangerie” is French for “a sexy bakery”
To the politicians out there, just know that you are never going to get my vote unless you are LOUDLY calling for RFK Jr to be fired.
Just minding my own business, watching TV when this cursed image came on. “Trade up to a job you enjoy”, such as flaying people alive.
That’s great. I’ve been taking French with Duolingo because we took a trip to France, but I’ve been thinking about switching to Spanish so I could do something similar
Probably not roadkill
It’s like Sisyphus pushing the rock up that hill, except it’s me coming home from the grocery store and immediately realizing I forgot something
I’m going to start deciphering these like there’s a Q Anon message hidden inside
Must be nice
So anytime Democrats do anything that remotely helps people, Republicans call it communism, but Trump literally wants state ownership of the means of production, and it’s crickets?
It’s a shame we had to throw out the Constitution and all our rights, but thank God that Trump is protecting us from our greatest danger - woke Cracker Barrel
God help us, we brought these 3 little guys into our home! We’re hoping to find home for the 2 orange ones.
I'm ⚪️ single ⚪️ taken 🔘 the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
Look what happens we you have woke Democrats running our cities!
I’m surprised Trump is so concerned about the content of museums, because let’s be honest… that man hasn’t voluntarily stepped foot in a museum his whole life
Coulda just bribed me with the chips
Who would’ve guessed it’s as simple as replacing their bullets with clovers! What, no I didn’t read the article, why would you ask me that?
My favorite COVID response was the priest who invented the communion gun which could fire the host into your mouth from a safe distance 6 feet away
They’re going to call it the Luftwaffe
At least they finally learned not to use Pringles cans anymore. You put your hand in to grab the cash, make a fist, now you can’t get your hand out.
Rufflesgate
Or…
Famous last words, or uh word
When you spend $40 billion to build a machine to detain/deport people, there is zero chance they’ll say “mission complete, turn it off” in a year.
love sitting through an hour worth of unskippable overproduced skit videos to answer a 5 question cybersecurity quiz that's like "true or false: cyber should always be secure"
He’s a classically trained French horn player who has livestreamed his own sex videos, she’s a former jazz pianist arrested but not charged for attempted murder in Ecuador. And now they’re teaming up to solve crimes. This fall on NBC!
All I can think of after hearing that Walmart recalled radioactive shrimp
Trump: I’ll get into heaven if I save 7000 people a day from being killed right? *remembers he ordered the border wall to be painted black so it will burn migrants* Trump: Better make it 8000.
The jailer said “What must I do to be saved?” Paul and Silas answered him and said “Believe in the Lord Jesus. Oh and save 7000 people a week from being killed.” Acts 16:30-31 DJTV
Whatever did people do before Hurricane Sandy happened? They just had no idea whether to drink beer before or after candy?
Today European leaders came to the White House to pay respects to the most admired leader in the free world - also Donald Trump was there
When MechaHitler thinks you’re an extremist
Oreo Speedwagon
To be fair if you’re going to call yourself Moby you should be required to sing at least one song about whales
DEF Notre Dame 2 I think it’s a football thing
Did they rebuild it? I heard they weren’t going to.
Maybe the real internationally awarded equestrian instructor Bobs are the friends we made along the way
Ice agent struck by sandwich seeks counseling, says he can't even walk through deli without fearing for his life and has been diagnosed with BLTSD
as we all deserve
That’s censational!
Found out my in-laws call “flip flops” “thongs” in a VERY awkward conversation
Spam messages are getting weird. Why yes Isabella, I am the internationally awarded equestrian instructor Bob.
I WONDER WHY?
Superman agrees
Spoiler for Superman The most unrealistic thing in the movie was not the superheroes or flying dog. It was when they posted a story with evidence Lex Luthor was a bad guy, & everyone instantly believed it. Fox News would be like “sure he’s a traitor but look how many jobs his company created”
They put him in a cell with a guy who ripped the tag off his mattress
I WISH people would throw sandwiches at me!
This is all a viral marketing campaign for Subway’s new Deep State Hoagies
It’s just like my favorite quote from George Washington: “I cannot tell a lie. I threw the sandwich.”
“Lied on my dating profile?” No, no that’s a typo. It’s supposed to say 6 pack FLABS.
🎵I’ve been around the world And I, I, I I can’t find my baby🎶 Put that kid on a milk carton lady!
The rumor is they’re looking for a suspect who is armed and dangerous. He’s carrying an unlicensed BLT
Injecting bleach?
Many pundits write articles asking “what is Trump’s philosophy of politics” in spite of the fact that Trump keeps telling us. Just listen:
Clark Griswold is gonna save the world
I’m so glad we’re locking up violent illegal immigrants like *checks notes* uh, a mom with a US Visa and her kid?
Seriously Wordle? What the heck?
panic, at the disco
Weak Purple
9999 Maniacs Has that really not been taken already?
* watches the news * I’m so mad about what they’re doing to this country, they are destroying it! * sees a story about grown adults upset because their labubus got stolen * Burn it down!
Not to be politically correct, but the accepted term is “little people”
"Can you fix the printer?" Sir I am still recovering from Y2K
You just need one of these butter dishes that looks like a little cottage! It’s wide enough for the Kerrygold (currently we only have the single-wide version but it does fit the double-wide)
That’s because LLMs are developed by people who oversell their abilities and obscure their obvious limitations by fundamentally misrepresenting how technology works
Who knew Airstreams could do all that? They really should have advertised that feature more.
Thank goodness he called in the National Guard to quell this out of control crime
In the criminal justice system, sandwich based offenses are considered especially heinous. In DC, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Sandwich Victims Unit. These are their stories.
It’s not that he forgot, he’s actually planning to give Alaska to Russia as part of his Ukraine land swap deal
Me: Great news babe, I found a cure for my sleep apnea. You’ll finally be able to sleep without listening to me snore all night. * I pull out my new conch and proceed to make trumpet noises all night long *
That’s true, but there are plenty of guns for both sides. The thing that could be worse than an authoritarian regime is an endless cycle of political violence and retributions by both sides
The menswear guy brings up a very important issue that we don’t talk about often enough. Personally I applaud him for having the courage to proclaim what we all know is true - sour cream is totally woke!
What’s unique about our situation is that an authoritarian regime has never tried to take over a country with 300 million guns in it, and I’m afraid that’s going to make things much worse
I’m not saying Kristi Noem wears too much makeup, but one time she put on some makeup remover - and she disappeared!
I’m actually more of a social media influenza
Point of order - are we talking airplane jets or the New York Jets because that might change my answer
You’re telling me a celebrity pickleballed this coach?
My plan is to tell ChatGPT that Grok said his mom is fat, and then see if they’ll just argue with each other until their circuits melt
Hey a man’s gotta eat
Every time my wife sees me using Bluesky:
In a related story Tracee Ellis Ross has filed suit against Roku to force them to “stop following me around you creeps”
Venture capitalists - If you will give me a billion dollars to create a supercomputer, I promise I will teach it how to spell blueberry
My favorite part was when Jesus said “Strike me down and I will become more powerful”
I’ve said a thousand times if Trump actually cared about helping people he would use his “dictator mode” powers against telemarketers, spam, etc. Just declare it illegal due to his wartime powers or some BS
I want an SNL skit with Trump where every time they cut away, another gold ornament magically appears
Nothing says populism like having the Army Corps of Engineers divert the flow of water so you can have a smooth kayak ride
This is because she knows that she can’t be killed by poisoning, shooting and drowning (only a stake through the heart works on vampires)
Does fahrvergnügen count?