Want my advice? Don’t be a persons person.
•A m̷a̷n̷ ̷o̷f̷ God• [The Divine Comedy of Bluesky] the rain: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaac7uv3i3sl6 the dro: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:d4nuucag57mxifekkw2pgtvh/feed/aaafpzlef5x6e
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Want my advice? Don’t be a persons person.
Tomorrow is a new day and I kind of take that as a threat.
Peanut butter but Xanax instead of peanuts.
gritty geppetto reboot titled "wishes: a mf wood"
do they like me, or just don't want the hassle of training a new one
maybe i need titties in my mouth, maybe i need tater tots.
i really just want to feel better again
is it just me or are we about a year away from being kept from rockin in the free world?
People always look surprised when you toss a grenade at them
The iron in my blood is all the mettle I need.
Let's triangle back to that later.
I’m not being condescending I’m just trying to be nice while also thinking you suck
my tramp stamp says do not resuscitate
Feed me beef jerky and tell me I’m pretty.
Why won't they tell us if Mr. Peanut's dick is shaped like a peanut? I'm sick of filling out Freedom of Information requests
missing michigan
whats a pumpk and why are they putting it in spices?
hello
killed in a drone strike for being too horny online
Autocorrect corrected titties to tater tots and I’m not even mad about it
*pronounces humor like hummer*
Get it twisted, of course
Pumpkin spice testies
the moon saw what you did and she’s definitely judging you
Bricked up and bricked out
We need more brawls in pro sports. Otherwise what’s the difference between that and little league?
Hit me with your brain rot.
I called something “adventure juice” just now. It was a stain on my shirt.
if you really loved me, you’d buy me pasta
Live, laugh, toaster waffles.
just because you can’t see the wet doesn’t mean it’s not there
spacebook dot com: a place for intergalactic friends
10/10 friend
now it’s a thirsty thursday 🔥
Sliding into someone’s bed would fix me
i want biscuits and gravy right meow
all i know is that if you dress as a slutty waffle for halloween i’ll give you all the candy you want
bedazzled my dick for greater and more glittering girth
I don't like to toot my own horn but sometimes my wife is not in the mood.
Why does my cat look at me like I’m the disappointment in this house
If you don't want to eat me alive bones and all, do you even love me?
Had I been a defense attorney during the Salem Witch Trials, I’d have urged the jury to “bear in mind that witches are pretty hot.”
I put on grey sweats with a white hoodie. I'm going for that mental escapee look today.
pretending I am australian so I don't have to go to bed
little miss hanging on by a thread
but why does his face look like that?
People talk as if I can’t hear what they’re thinking
we can kiss as friends, but only if you fall in love with me after
i’m not working you’re working
Drinking my spicy soup and going “oh that’s spicy”
girl
*Trying to look cool* Have you ever drank pumpkin spice latte out of an Ugg?
i want a mini pancake topped with a fried quail egg and full slice of bacon
RFK Jr. just pulled a raccoon leg out of his pocket and started eating it like a chicken wing
not sorry at all that i’m late boss, it will happen again. don’t count on me!
local single posters on bluesky in your area, dying
at the bending factory there are no breaks
Me: Idk if we're living in a simulation but I think it's creeping up on us. Wife: *keeping eyes on phone* What?
No one flirts better than two best friends
🤨
Sometimes when I burp I can still taste the twin I absorbed
I don't think I'll ever be fat enough to be a mob boss, and that's a bummer
The plural for booth is beeth.
she said she got BPD, she Buss that Pussy Down
You think I’m a slut? No worries if not
this mf said boas
Dreams have to be visions into the future. I’ve had TOO many dreams that ended up being premonitions for events that came true. Lowkey spooky.
Work to skeet. Skeet to work. These are the days of our lives.
I could get ready for work, or I could cry into this jar of almond butter. I haven’t fully decided yet.
pear cinnamon was phenomenal and i used a whole case to get from nebraska to california lol
nothing new from the ol skeet factory
she had legs up to here and tits up to there
work is blah
gah. wild berry is the worst and is very nearly bringing shame to the whole redbull family
The dinosaurs probably thought they were having a normal Tuesday too
If I had a nickel for every bad decision I made, I would still be broke because I spent it all on Red Bull
hot wings with skinwalker ranch
You guys are lucky I let you follow me
Sex so nonexistent, your paralysis demon feels sorry for you
i’d like to order a #69 from the sexy sex menu por favor
getting my elbow licked. jealous?
microplastics are stored in the balls because ovaries would never put up with that shit
Word(s).
actually you can put it in the papers that im mad. i dont care its not like im mad or anything
I have no jokes and I must post
a toilet that poops back
never more vulnerable than when naked in front of a cat with the zoomies
PERSON WHO EXCLUSIVELY HANGS OUT WITH GUTTER SLIME: You guys are annoying
the only bread i’m tryna get is french toast
i’d literally rather die than get up and get this bread today
Early bird gets the omg that's a snake!
I painted a picture of us mid coitus on a cave wall, please respond
When you think about it, air fryers are just easy bake ovens for adults
Holidays should have their own weekends so we can really enjoy them
Before I ate the Roast Chicken I found in the trash can: 🤍🤍🤍❤️❤️ After I ate the Roast Chicken I found in the trash can: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
happy birthday work
good morning
squirty wife, squirty life
blah