(To Seven-Nation Army tune) 'Oh, Zack "Tits" Polanski...'
Author of wrong fiction. #actuallyautistic richardblandford.blogspot.co.uk New novel My Life in Orbit out now.
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(To Seven-Nation Army tune) 'Oh, Zack "Tits" Polanski...'
Hope the tits guy can turn things around.
Oh god, not another one.
Adequate.
Done that for two hours already
Got some time to myself. Do I focus on A) Writing B) Paid work C) Exercise D) Staring at the telly
The best Britpop songs are short stories you can't quite follow.
Highly recommend Exterminate! Regenerate! by @johnhiggs.bsky.social. A stimulating Doctor Who history, topped off with John's ability to find buried through-lines in his subject and bring them to the surface.
Flags are fucking shit, though.
Would you be interested in a sketch show from 1972 with a Star Trek skit featuring a young Richard Wilson as Scotty? youtu.be/3T7IWvNXSbc?...
Dr Strange, but it's Paul Daniels.
Trying to tell Gen Alpha about the Melody Maker Romo issue but they're not interested.
'Thy will be done' = 'Thanks anyway'.
Flags are fucking shit, though.
He gets fed to the 5000 at the end.
Might watch this.
It's autumn! *breaks open Cupasoups*
People who love flags should check out post-painterly abstraction.
Bluesky needs someone who posts '+++BREAKING+++' thirty minutes after anything happens.
My cat watching the KPop Demon Hunters cat.
My cat watching the KPop Demon Hunters cat.
Cloning sheep, as a hobby.
Keeping a diary is snitching on the past.
Without saying Jaws, what's your favourite movie about a killer shark starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw?
Watching a phone recording of a gig I couldn't get tickets to on my phone.
Without saying Jaws, what's your favourite movie about a killer shark starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw?
Orbison was the Orbidaddy.
I wonder if The Orb, Orbital and William Orbit ever got confused about who was who.
Watching Laurel and Hardy, worrying that they're going to get seriously hurt.
Vance is like one of those relatives who gets in a huff when they don't get thank you letters from small children.
Trump would get Grimace instead of Paddington.
There's still time for him to be struck by lightning on the golf course.
Trump has gone to live on a farm. Only Vance is allowed to phone the farm to hear how he's getting on.
Only just occurred to me that a 'wriggle' and a 'wiggle' are two separate actions.
Does the dentist ever tell anyone they're opening too wide?
Bela Lugosi's son is still alive but has refrained from writing a memoir called 'Bela Lugosi's Dad'.
My ★★★½ review of Better Man on Letterboxd boxd.it/aTOOOF
Listening to Boards of Canada, experiencing hauntological flashbacks to when I've previously listened to Boards of Canada.
Angus, Thongs, Perfect Snogging & Young
A life story caught up in teasmades. www.teasmade.uk/sheridan-par...
It's a great book. Thank you for writing it!
Really enjoyed Birding by @regretteruane.bsky.social. A novel about now, our nineties ghosts and more.
Woke up in the middle of the night with the most incredible back pain. Really hope this is the start of an exciting new chapter in my life.
Finally, Giuseppe Penone at the Serpentine. Public art that bypasses any suspicion the passing viewer may have just by being obviously fun.
Yoshitomo Nara at the Hayward. What at first glance are flat and cartoonish paintings actually contain delicate little details and glowing and floating areas of colour that don't show up in photos.
Kate Gottgens at Huxley-Parlour. Paintings of memories, imperfect and shifting. Look at them while listening to Boards of Canada.
Joseph Albers at Christea Roberts. He does colours. He does squares. He might do you a rectangle as a treat. But within these strict confines, there is a universe of variation.
Next was Alex Da Corte at Sadie Coles. Cartoonish foam flowers mounted on the wall. Uses comic books as source material, so if Roy Lichtenstein makes you angry you'll probably want to rip them down with your teeth.
So what did I see? Firstly, Tanya Ling at the Mayor Gallery. Line paintings, made in a meditative state, apparently. You get a sense of them being made with a swinging motion at a steady pace.
Many people don't realise you can look around private galleries. You don't even need to buy anything. They may seem like they're not for the likes of you but you can make them so just by walking in. There'll be someone behind a desk but they'll be indifferent to your presence or even your existence.
Yesterday I made my yearly trip to London to look at the galleries. This year I made a point of seeing what was on at the smaller galleries rather than going to Tate Modern as it has occurred to me that I can't stand Tate Modern.
Performatively acting out The Merchant of Venice.
They make orange juice with bits just to give a child an opportunity to tell you how they don't like it with bits.
Clearing the mental clutter that gets in the way of experiencing what's in front of you can often be hard.
I have no problem with Tate Britain.
Finally, Giuseppe Penone at the Serpentine. Public art that bypasses any suspicion the passing viewer may have just by being obviously fun.
Yoshitomo Nara at the Hayward. What at first glance are flat and cartoonish paintings actually contain delicate little details and glowing and floating areas of colour that don't show up in photos.
Kate Gottgens at Huxley-Parlour. Paintings of memories, imperfect and shifting. Look at them while listening to Boards of Canada.
Joseph Albers at Christea Roberts. He does colours. He does squares. He might do you a rectangle as a treat. But within these strict confines, there is a universe of variation.
Next was Alex Da Corte at Sadie Coles. Cartoonish foam flowers mounted on the wall. Uses comic books as source material, so if Roy Lichtenstein makes you angry you'll probably want to rip them down with your teeth.
So what did I see? Firstly, Tanya Ling at the Mayor Gallery. Line paintings, made in a meditative state, apparently. You get a sense of them being made with a swinging motion at a steady pace.
Yes, I hid from the rain in an absolutely silent room yesterday!
Yes they are essentially art shops. Thread incoming!
Many people don't realise you can look around private galleries. You don't even need to buy anything. They may seem like they're not for the likes of you but you can make them so just by walking in. There'll be someone behind a desk but they'll be indifferent to your presence or even your existence.
Yesterday I made my yearly trip to London to look at the galleries. This year I made a point of seeing what was on at the smaller galleries rather than going to Tate Modern as it has occurred to me that I can't stand Tate Modern.
Going to open my own coffee shop with its own weird ordering system then lose my patience with anyone who doesn't know it.
Annoyed that I was in the London gallery district today but forgot to go to the Mould Gallery for some Fake or Fortune tourism.
Bit vanilla, mate.
Found the secret doorway to the Hayward Gallery, or as it's otherwise known, the main entrance.
Someone needed the toilet so badly this happened.
Not sure I can compete with all these other books. There are too many.
At Waterstones Piccadilly. Still hanging on in there.
Sometimes on public transport you stumble across a group of teenagers who are properly funny, riffing on each other's jokes good naturedly. As opposed to using humour to psychologically destroy each other like in my day.
Performatively reading an ebook on my phone.
I knew it was fake because no one's read it.
A book marketer sent me an email, using AI to try and con me they'd actually read my book. Really made me quite cross.
Suspect 'pumpkin spice' is code for some sex thing.
Blew all my money betting on Fake or Fortune.
I find them non-committal.
Doing arithmetic performatively.
Suspicious of all objects that aren't flags.
If that works for you, that's great!
Or, no more Doctor Who BUT you get Tripods Series Three?
True, but they could follow first and then make their reply. Someone who just wants to be an arse is less likely to do this.
Yes, this advice is only for the Good People.
Would it be ok to cancel Doctor Who if the BBC funnelled the money into more series of The Peter Serafinowicz Show?
The 80s were full of pricks who looked like Doc Cox.
Can we call this flag thing a flap? Like a UFO flap?
Oh, I need my DMs to harass people.
Everybody else who has my hobbies is weird.
Also, not allowing quote posts cuts off dunklords.
Would honestly recommend setting replies to 'who you follow/followers only'. Filters out random numpties very effectively.
Harper Lee novels ranked from worst to best
Walking the dog, putting the cat out, wanking the orca...
Don't think I wasn't tempted.
I genuinely believe that some 'classic' films by Pedro Almodovar are worse than Ant-Man and the Wasp.
Some people's houses always smell of cabbage, regardless of whether there is a cabbage on the premises.
The most reliable narrator is laughing at you, amazed at what shit they've managed to make you swallow.
Don't know if any of the top Hollywood people follow me.
Seriously, Hollywood should buy the rights to this article. There's a film there.