freeze drying this extra love someone might need it someday
These are the times that try skaters' souls. I've rarely met a woman I didn't fall in love with, on some level, whether for 10 minutes or 10 years. I’m one of the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. Moronically entertaining ADHD af
748 followers 668 following 3,350 posts
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freeze drying this extra love someone might need it someday
On whatever date the cougars came out to play 😏
Show me on this cat calendar the last time you got laid.
Jan 6 rioters push for compensation ~ MSNBC Fuck this and fuck them 🤬
We can just love each other while the world spins madly on, if you want
The fact that some of you keep going on here when your posts suck so bad is truly inspiring.
Sexually speaking, I am dead from the waist down and also from the waist up
When I was young, I knew 30 phone numbers, my student ID, 10 zip codes, numerous TV channel schedules, past and present locker combinations, and my SSN. I am so stupid now.
The Trump presidency is making it really tough to fantasize about running off to some US city to meet my Bluesky crush
No diggity Some doubt
There aren’t enough pop songs about cutting coupons.
😍😍😍
Correct me if I’m wrong… No not like that
What’s a little hair pull between friends
Are you just a alive......or are you actually, living? 🧐
I need a pair Bluetooth earbuds where the noise canceling increases if someone tries to talk to me
The call is coming from inside the house because it’s me calling my phone while trying to find my own phone because I forgot I was holding my own phone.
All caps in a bio is a scream for help
Likewise 😍
Cheetos have magical healing properties when you're sick
I remember a president that tried to stop gun violence
🥰😘
When I can’t find something it’s usually in my bum
I was cutting a cherry tomato when it popped and squirted all over my face. Anyways, thought of you
I was hoping he’d go on tv.
Ready for another exciting day *plays on phone while waiting for customers*
Felt dirty reading it too
game, set, snatch
“Let me sing you the song of my people!” I declare as I light us a blunt
Netflix 2026 documentary: Fall of the Podcast Bros
I am so in love and my arms will be full 🤗 ❤️
I’m the total package on clearance “as is.”
There is no angry way to say “nipples.”
Respectfully, please go....away.
I deserve two weeks off after trying to teach 1st graders log-ins and passwords.
there’s something about kimmy and it’s not jizz in my hair
When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice into your eyes. It’s just quicker that way
this crisis of faith could’ve been an email
🫂❤️🫂❤️
I am supposed to be loved. And you are too ❤️ I love you
I waste so many post-its bc I'm unsatisfied with my handwriting.
I have the Rona, but like in a sexy way
Reply guys - who think 👀 is an erudite comment - judging others is what's wrong with this world
Good because a woman is never sexier to me than when she’s wearing my hoodie 😍
Want one of my hoodies to wear?
Looking forward to a new month. August was a little bitch.
Oh no, I’m getting blocked aren’t I
Well, I was pretty sure. There is that very slim chance I missed out
I know
Where was I when the hoohah hijinx happened? I definitely missed that
Not fitting in means that you’re custom-made.
But…but…yo quiero Taco Bell
A lady came in wearing a Christmas shirt. Me: no ma’am. It’s too early for that.
Goonies never say die!
You too 😘
🎶 laughing like children… Rolling like Lovers… Under the COVERS 🎶
Myaclu.org
Our only hope 🙏
💯
I work from home and drive a hybrid. At worst, I complain about gas prices once a month.
Me: I brake for turkeys ! Turkey: *tips hat*
btw, I bought extras last spring when they went on clearance just for this.
With fall right around the corner I want to remind everyone that the sexiest thing a woman can wear is the hoodie she stole from me. 😍
People call me turkey all the time 🤣😏
Some days when I'm at my desk in the basement, my robot vacuum scares the shit out of me when it starts moving around on the upper floor.
I don't know her well, but she seems pretty amazing from a distance
I don't know who needs to hear this, but I shouldn't need a resume to apply to be a fucking cashier
This is my biggest "hot button" issue. This is a problem with a very clear solution and the US is just too fucking stupid to do anything about it. In moments like these, I hate everything about who we choose to be as a culture.
This makes me happy for you and sad for the rest of us who look forward to seeing you here.
Mine is....a week from today
She wears the lace so you can tease her through it dummy.
It’s weird that bedhead isn’t a sexual term like roadhead.
Good foreplay starts well before the first piece of clothing comes off. The only exception of course being the thin strap of a sundress falling off her shoulder.
Another day, another *crams cheese into my mouth*
The whole gop should move to Russia.
That’s my favorite game 🤍
Babe. The lights stay on during Scattergories.
You’re OUR asshole in the orange hoodie. We’ve got your back here!
When I die, I better not hear the words “lit up a room” come outta anybody’s mouth at the funeral
I was about to reply “I can imagine.” I had the whole sentence typed out. But, I really can’t. I’ve never in my life had to worry about that. But it explains why my mom always asked me to come over when she had workmen coming.
I thought that might be it
Your beautiful face can show up on repeat in my feed anytime
If you don’t believe this 👇 Fuck you; no vote 🗳️
If you don't dry hump me from behind whenever I bend over to pick something up, what are we even doing?
Time to shut your pie hole
Another day, another blunt
What's more worrisome? The embarrassment of people seeing your undergarments* or the idea that they think you were sending them "bow-chicka-wow-wow" signals. *undergarments is the least sexy word for lingerie I know