🤣🤣
Wannabe comedian, Disabled Veteran, Boricua, Bills Mafia, Mental Health 🇺🇲🇵🇷 bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaap7iaf2hjbm
11,404 followers 2,221 following 5,505 posts
view profile on Bluesky
🤣🤣
🤣🤣
🤣🤣
🤣🤣
Nah, is that true? 🤣🤣
🤣🤣
🤣🤣
🤣🤣
how about i sit on your face about it
I got canceled because I didn't mention that I'm a dad in my profile, which is compulsory.
your Mom stole my Ravishing Rick Rude poster
(On a date) Me, trying to impress: there’s more of me than meets the eye Her, a decepticon: (eyes narrow)
Seems 3I/Atlas is "evolving" and beginning to form a tail. It's a grower, not a show-er
This is the longest September, ever.
It's taking everything inside of me to keep everything inside of me.
My computer is starting to creep me out.. #fuckthisplace
just found out that someone I’ve been friendly with for years blocked me last week and I have no idea why 😕
corn dogs for sale never eaten
gonna get so full of hot dogs today wieners, as some say
Baby is your name Bruce Banner because that is an incredible bulk
Me *every day*: I guess it's just one of those days.
The length of a dick is 3X the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire text. A man is still looking at his thumb
lacroixbor day
Aye girl, i like the way you trauma dump - me, flirting
my 5 year plan is to pretend like the last 5 years were a figment of my imagination
does running away from your problems count as a morning routine
add a scoop of baby formula to your coffee for a formulatte
all sex is mourning sex if you’re terrible at it
E-sports are just regular sports but without any form of entertainment
if the weed is good enough for the sea, it’s good enough for me
I know Labor Day is a federal holiday cause they couldn’t even give people a Labor Week. That really is some fed shit
The reasons why my man never gets bored of me: Sweetheart Lover Freaky Comedian Psychopath
The universe is telling me to give up but I’m too busy giving it the silent treatment.
burning down the smoke shop for selling labubu's
Blue Maga, hearing rumors of his death
My upstairs neighbours at 6 am: AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE CEREMONIAL REARRANGING OF THE BOULDERS
Holiday Mondays means cake for breakfast is always appropriate.
catch a tiger by the toe? are you insane?
You’re not buying a mattress? *Labor Day police
☕ c h e e r s 🧟
Happy Labor Day to those of you who are in labor.
🎼 Armpits to the left of me Armpits to the right And here I am stuck in the middle with boobs
My fuck around to do list: 1. Play with fire 2. Walk on thin ice 3. Burn bridges 4. Leap before I look 5. Think inside the box 6. Let the cat out of the bag 7. Kill two birds with one stone 8. Put all my eggs in one basket 9. Bite the hand that feeds me 10. Find out
welcome to your 40’s, that’s not heartburn. that’s just air now
🤷🏾♂️🤣
It’s bad because I obviously don’t want to be sick or invite that particular brand of sickness into my home but I do look back a little fondly on a short period of no responsibilities.
🤣🤣
🤷🏾♂️
🤣🤣
🤷🏾♂️🤣
🤣🤣
🤣🤣
Take some carbon and hydrogen, throw in a bit of hydrogen and oxygen. That's the way they became The Brady Bunch.
I'm working on Labor Day in recognition of those who are unable to work. The fact that I was forced to work is just an aside.
Without saying the name, what is your favourite videogame?
In any conflict situation I'll always try to be the bigger man. Mind you, given my many years of overeating that’s not exactly a challenge.
Me: Oh my heart, I've missed you so much *sobs* I though you'd never return! It's been awful here without you! Don't ever leave again! *ugly cries* Spring:
Post a random picture or everything will go bad in September:
Knock on the door. Neighbor girl. "Can you get our ball that went in your back yard?" I remember back to the jerk old man that would take ours when we were kids. Mean Mr. Sheets. So I look at her and say "No way, it's mine now." God I love being a jerk.
Dear chatbot, Please summarize this rather lengthy page about how to relentlessly, cold-heartedly mess with AI chatbots until they beg forgiveness and depart this universe in shame.
I don’t believe in hell but I’m willing to make some exceptions.
When everything is going wrong, be grateful you have no allergy to coffee.
Probably, any fucked up one will find a similarly fucked up person. That's why we've met here...
I believed in ghosts and my credit score went down please give me some logical reason why you responded by haunting me from beyond paying things on time
Blaming explainables for the mysterious is a road you don't want to take your fog machine on so just back away into those parties and forget it ever never happens or does it
And for lunch, Blueberry Bliss.
open.spotify.com/track/5qMNvV...
Schrodinger's Funyuns.
Bitch the pot, would ye? I've got the morbs.
Whaddya mean this cream pie is oatmeal??
I got a window seat. So there's that.
I dream of a time when people of all races, genders, religion, beliefs, orientation, and nation of origin, in peace, with respect for rule of law, in tolerance, and with universal democracy, dress in Philadelphia Eagles fan gear, and together say, "Go Birds!
It's not such a big good deed if the old lady you help across the street is your mom.
I woke up this morning and my hair had points sticking up all around to overall resemble a crown.
Ok - bathing specific magic item. Red Towel of Seduction – when used as a wrap with no clothes, adds +60% seduction. +50% if used to wrap hair, or draped around neck while wearing any other garment. Absorbs 4d10 gallons/liters of water per minute. Self-cleaning.
No one is without a secret. We all hide something from each other.
Don’t miss all the details of daily life. That’s where you will find the meaning in life.
Do ya wanna like hang out or nah?
If you can love, love yourself first, and last.
The trail #film #trail #walk
Beach #photography #beach
Seagull #film #seagull
my mind once again went adrift to the shimmering to the glimmering of your eyes #poetry
With so many serious issues demanding our attention these days I just don’t have the energy to give a shit about if Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson faked a relationship. And besides, it’s really none of my business.
Kind of fitting how Mango Mussolini is just as good at hiding the status of his health as he is at hiding his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein.
I really look forward to the day when wearing a red hat is as universally shunned and disdained as having a toothbrush mustache.
A pleasant enough excursion, ‘The Thursday Murder Club’ was no ‘Knives Out’ despite its aspirations. My biggest gripe was not being able to escape the feeling that Jonathan Pryce was playing David Cartwright.
I was originally worried that The White House would turn into a ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ reboot but now I’m thinking Kevin Klein’s ‘Dave’ is also a possibility. Keep an eye on James Austin Johnson and please keep him safe.
More than a little sad that nobody has cared enough to talk to the loaded baked potato about what’s clearly a substance abuse issue.
After getting lucky on the first line, I would have felt like a world-class dumbass if I hadn’t solved it on the second line. #Wordle 1,535 2/6 🟨🟨🟨🟨🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
I felt this post viscerally.
Coffee because patience takes time.
Just like roadkill I'll poke you with a stick if I think you're dead.
August was a year of a month.
Happy Labor Day to all the mother's who celebrate.
Getting high in the woods. Feels like Church minus the collection plate and hypocrisy.
Someone muted me for posting cat pics. This is why I don't post nudes. Anymore.