This guy is a Simpsons politician
Chicago my brand is I'm a person and here's all of that, uncurated. Ask about my typos! if you try to ketchup shame me I will fucken block you
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This guy is a Simpsons politician
CBP arrestee firefighters. CBP is supposed to work the border, so this was overreach to begin with. Then they lied and said the certified firefighters weren't firefighters. Then the apparachiks spread the lie
The thing about stacking the US executive cabinet positions with the worst idiots imaginable is that if everyone can get just one rfk jr to resign it'll feel like a win even though democracy has been fully destroyed
Marine makes my heart beat extra hard for some reason and no me gusta
The tournament isn't Spanish, it's Basque, a pretty important distinction under the circumstances
I believe you mean Basque
On paper I love that stuff but if I drink even a small amount of it I feel like I'm going to die
“The video of me being beaten went viral because I’m white but the violence I experienced is just a drop in the ocean compared to what my Palestinian, Arab & other racialised comrades have endured at the hands of the German state police over the past 2 years.” This is what solidarity looks like
Maybe it's the passenger seat
If opposites attract, then we must have a lot in common
What if I have to upoop
Its a well known truth that cleaning someone else's house is easier than cleaning one's own
I just saw a graph of alcohol consumption in the US from 1850-2013 and there's a big trough in the middle where it pretends that nobody drank at all during the 13 years of prohibition. Grow up
I just read two autobiographies by Oliver Sacks: one about how he really loved chemistry as a child and the second about how as a young gay man in the 60s he hung out at muscle Beach and was hella jacked and squatted 575#
Yet we’ve never had it no matter who has ”been in power”.
Bird brains are better than we are
Ill-advised nose job
If I fix the loose nail on the floor, that will be an insult to the 70 left socks I have torn on it already
Jury nullification is the whole reason there are jury trials for crimes. The judge and prosecutor will say the jury is only there to verify a law was broken, but actually the jury is also there to decide whether or not the law should be enforced. it's the most power regular people will ever have.
In Germany, ICE stands for Intercity Express, a network of high speed trains (150 mph) that connect German cities to each other and major European cities. A passenger can comfortably travel from Berlin to Paris(550 miles) for ~$100 in 8½ hours while sleeping in a bed. They have existed for 40 years
Since Bari Weiss and the Epstein files are both trending right now, it's a good time to mention that Bari Weiss says the Epstein files are a conspiracy theory
looks like Gudetama
get em
The thing about Ted Cruz is that he's a giant piece of shit. And he sucks total ass.
He thinks houses have sprinklers
Thinking of getting fleas
I don't like that
If I go a couple of days without a wash, people that don't know me think that I work in an onion soup factory
Wow you really are back
had to take a break to work on the new cracker barrel logo
My daughter always reported that all the kids were scared of our house bc of my collections. Good. Go eat somebody else food.
Worst part is when you're bad you can't even feel mad at them
Because not everyone clicks through to the bonus panel…
Ichthyophobia always seemed like the most logical of the irrational fears
Then one Tuesday around 3pm, all the kitchen cupboards burst open, they quickly overflowed their buildings, poured out the shattered windows and cracked doors, one after another, far above the tops of trees the city planted along the street. Plastic shopping bags full of nothing but shame
Chicago had the 92nd highest violent crime rate of US cities in 2024, barely in the top 100, having lower violent crime rates than Houston, Phoenix, San Antonio, Dallas, Charlotte, and many more. This year Chicago crime has declined
Basic facts
Formerly living president
They're saying that this *weekend's* shootings & fatalities are higher than the shoot of *just Labor Day the day* of previous years which is obviously dishonest, so I made a little table, and more people were killed last year and the year before and the year before that than this year
Quitters
I have no idea what you are supposed to do when you're in Casper, Wyoming but I can tell you there is nothing good that could possibly happen there. If they were more business savvy they would market the area as a place to film post-apocalyptic movies
trump is going to announce he’s dumb and sucks
The fact that nothing is trending on Blue sky about this is extremely goofy.
AliExpress has had a brainstorm that I’ve become a poultry farmer. No longer long black wigs and dubious undergarments, now I get things to attach to your chickens, that wouldn’t look out of place in the Auto-da-fé. Just in colourful plastic.
Seriously has this been the meanest trick ever or are we about to get the best news ever
Smashing a can open on my head
I'll start warming up my thumbs
Yesterday one beer gave me two headaches
Hey I'm gonna buy a big house, wanna come live in it with me? We can start a band or a religion or a weed gummy business
"Guys, can we just..." -me talking to myself
People keep saying the president is doing things but I still haven't seen convincing evidence he didn't die a week ago
Jack we're very disappointed in your shitpost and are going to defend a fabulously successful person from things we believe you inferred about them
If powdered milk and frozen orange juice exist, why not frozen milk and powdered orange juice?
every time someone publicly shits on bsky, Alf's hog only becomes more powerful
They believe that life is a competition and that if everyone in the world were actually given a fair chance that they would be unable to hold on to their status, poor little things
Crying skull emoji
I love this guy
Nate silver is the best statistician in the scrapheap of irrelevant tools that compromised their integrity for a little crumb of wealth
Prove it
Chain and lock: $15 Trapping fascists inside their own death camp: Priceless
They're saying 100 pounds of DMT has a street value of $80,000? That's like 2 bucks a gram
yknow in movies when there's a sadistic boss and being his minion always has a bad outcome, and you're like what kind of dumbdumb would wanna work for that guy? Well after Cohen, Manafort, Omarosa, Pence, Tillerson, Bolton, Epstein, Giuliani, Musk, these people now don't think they're next?
Another dispatch from the “hellhole” of Chicago.
Look at this graph. The share of national income going to the richest 10 percent was lowest (and share to lower 90 percent highest) when union membership was at its highest. As unions have weakened, inequality has widened. This is why we must build back union power.
cleared out a bunch of guilt I'd repressed. huge relief
did mushrooms with Theseus and he's just been staring at his ship for like two hours
thinking of growing my butt cheeks long and droopy
TIL the word daughter and the word dowry are etymologically closely related
Sometimes you learn something a lot later than everybody else and if you don't say anything about it nobody will know that you're dumb
The only time she doesn't lies when she is abjectly deferring to dear leader
Cream cheese frosting is birthday queso
He's definitely alive because me and my sibs were able to drop everything and help! I'm back home in Chicago now but still being a google doctor and bothering everybody at the hospital on the phone
I don't know if you know what's happening. He acquired an autoimmune hemophilia and most of his problems are a result of that. He's been in the hospital for 3 months.
That's extremely kind of you. I'm very happy to paraknow you
I'm a bit touched that you asked
He's alright, thank you for asking. We insisted on an MRI. The doctors were much more concerned after that and have been doing ok with him. They had the gall to congratulate us on our advocacy! Like yes it was a real pleasure to feel like the entire hospital was my enemy. I'll tell him you asked!
One time I bought a fifth of bathtub tequila for 7 dollars at a grocery store in Pemaquid and the next day I felt like I had multiple sclerosis
I'm not here to point fingers but one of you was supposed to tell me to go to sleep 3 hours ago
all vawals ara tha sama
My crystal ball shows you with a headache later
When FDR was president, the secret service sometimes confiscated or broke a journalist's camera tearing out the film to prevent the public from seeing images of him in a wheelchair
Well it really shouldn't be one country anyway
Oh that's good
It's such a perfect example of the illusion of individual responsibility for yourself. Most of the common health problems of our age are caused by pollution and it's going to increase
Fascinatingly the article mostly frames this as an ethical concern and talks a lot about law enforcement officers trying to do their jobs. Journalistic cowardice
trump being dead is just a distraction from kitchen table issues
This guy will literally die to hide from the Epstein story
Oh thank God. Internet went out and I nearly started reading a book
Odd that millions of people are talking about something but it isn't trending isn't it
I like their style
lol that's charles manson
That doesn't sound like the god I know
from your mouth to god's bumhole
The Fart Faerie
they say he smells bad now, just wait
Does that include sweat?
youtu.be/PL0oB1gbZE4?...
Conspicuously intelligent
Thanks pal. The Hospital Game: ludicrous stress for the whole family!
I hope so too. They're trying to say it's totally to cool to wait for morning and I'm like "infection. In brain. You're underestimating this. "