GODDAMMIT I went to bed 20 minutes ago and then my brain was like GOOGLE TINEA CORPORIS and now here I am, 30 mins late for bed
I'm a niche genre. Does this work: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaabh3yla3vcq
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GODDAMMIT I went to bed 20 minutes ago and then my brain was like GOOGLE TINEA CORPORIS and now here I am, 30 mins late for bed
Being an adult means promising yourself you’ll get on a better sleep schedule every day until you die
he'll always be dead in our hearts
I snort laughed at this one. Stealing.
No one forced you to say this, kiddo. You just did it all by yourself, knowing it was mean spirited AF
Thank you for taking the time to explain to us, genuinely!
These problems are even bigger. As a constitutional matter, the deployment of unfederalized Guard personnel into a nonconsenting state can never happen. Never.
"DC police Union" in the midst of all the horny anal housewives is HILARIOUS
The nicest meal I ever ate was in CDMX. 4 of us had very fancy Italian, multiple appetizers, a nice bottle of wine, fancy bottled water, white glove service, etc etc. It was less than $200. Same experience in US would have easily been 3x that.
He'll learn when it's his own money.
Well, that is something lol
Me: “I’m pretty chill and don’t get too worked up over much” Also me: “if you don’t put your pillows into the pillowcases tag-first or completely remove the tags altogether so they don’t stick out when the bed is made, you’re an abomination and deserve to be hunted for sport.”
Hi Matt!
Lol lettuce, 2 tomatoes, and a bag of chips. Plus apparently a Hershey bar and $5 change. He did not use my grocery store card or it probably would have been cheaper. Sigh.
I'm too suburban for that. I took two weeks off driver's Ed right after my sophomore year ended and got my license on my 16th birthday. I couldn't wait for that freedom.
Silver lining: can't sign any more asinine executive orders if you can't move your right arm
To combat the anxiety of having a 16yo, there at least exists the ability to hand him $20 and a grocery list.
When you're mean to @meantomyself.bsky.social for adorable political satire this is who you're being mean to for adorable political satire 🥰🏆👑 Congratulations and thanks to @toomanycommas.bsky.social
It's a real issue when you've been lucky enough to already spend time with your Bluesky crush in person but now can't allow them to travel to the US. I need a big bonus so I can take a Canada trip!
The Trump presidency is making it really tough to fantasize about running off to some US city to meet my Bluesky crush
I put on my pants just like Winnie the Pooh
I like to say “I’ll think about it” when I already decided absolutely not
Schrödinger's President
We have a squirter! (Explaining to the hardware guy why I need a new kitchen faucet)
not a psychopath or a sociopath but a secret 3rd thing . a fucken bitch. hi!
"Wearing white after Labour Day like a bad boy," I say as I arrive at Denny's for my shift as a line cook.
Ah damn, hate I missed this.
It's the first day of September. You may now start with your "Wake me up when September ends" skeets.
Genie: And for your third wish? Me: I dunno, I guess it might be nice to have to only go pee twice during the night
*brilliant* @shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social
I know that there are RUMORS of my death circulating on dead social media platforms and fake NEWS media but here is clearly a picture taken today as proof of life, I have a newspaper with today's DATE in my hand but we removed that so that we don't promote liberal rags
Ooh it's like you've been climbing all over us. 😜
Picked up some baklava at a Palestinian grocery tonight and I could E A T A L L T H E B A K L A V A
No, but I thought you lived in NC (or maybe you were just visiting at some point).
Ahhh perfect. We need a dinner party exchange but I think you're on the other side of the state.
What if I need pics of the veggies bc they sound SO GOOD
life is too short to look up what kind of cheese Nate Silver thinks the moon is made out of this week
Are you a bot or just stupid?
Wash rinse repeat and meanwhile those same dudes will whine about "low value women not wanting them back"
Leaving this here bc I think that guy answered it bsky.app/profile/brit...
Ah, I must have posted mine before he saw it lol
Where am I missing a comment about red lipstick?
The car is so short, why didn't he just park it perpendicular against the curb 😂
I'm buying champagne tonight to keep on hand for "the event."
it'll be funny when the news is like "a nation is mourning" and then can't find a single live shot that doesn't include people very clearly partying their asses off
Aaron30 needs to delete his entire account if he can't clearly understand why that guy is a predator. Dickshine.
hey man I don't give a shit what Nate Silver says
Imagine how much worse this can get if they take away our depression and anxiety meds.
BREAKING: the conditions in the world around us are making people less horny; also “sexcession” was right there
AND WHILE I'M HERE intentionally misspelling words/intentionally bad grammar doesn't make you look cool, it makes you look like you're trying too hard. Fucken posers
Running list of words that aren't words that I already DESPISE seeing & Zoomers have barely started teaching English: Smol Snek Babby Fren Spoopy Birb Lewk Goodest boi (unless referring to dog/cat) If you say these, I'm rolling my eyes at you. Grow the fuck up.
I looked up my symptoms on Google and it says I’m a woman.
WHITE HOUSE AIDE: we need a distraction from the president being dead OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
This has no right being this funny.
Good time to stick one of these in the fridge, ya know, just in case. www.cnn.com/cnn-undersco...
No notes
Trump is hiding his health status like it's the client list from a child sexual trafficking case in which he allegedly may be implicated
they should broadcast the different celebrations around the world like they do on new year's eve when it happens
Mom, can you come pick me up? There are people here who do not believe in science but do believe in chiropractic 'medicine'
It's a real shame that RFK Sr didn't have any pull out game
HAPPENING NOW: Judge Sparkle Sooknanan holds an emergency hearing as the Trump admin is reportedly trying—imminently—to deport hundreds of Guatemalan children without required process or access to representation. www.courtlistener.com/docket/71240...
it's not enough to want change you have to tell it you love it unconditionally
This thread is exactly how I feel about genAI. Completely turned off by it on all artistic, intellectual and moral levels. I have no interest in anything it can say or generate. It is anti-human.
AI's best use case will always be scams. It's scamtech, top to bottom. Everything about it is crooked. Its bedrock is theft and its legacy is the destruction of the environment, both physical and virtual. Even most of its 'legitimate' uses are a form of lying. "I wrote this." "I created this."
thank you for your feedback 30 internet strangers i hadn't considered the less funny version of my joke
BOOM
Omg no one else should have commented bc this is perfect.
I bet if you eat a dick it'll count as exercise tho
Me to that second headline
@shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social 👑
An app that lets you photograph a fossil and it will tell you which geologic era it came from. I call it a Period Tracker.
This is why I wouldn't ever date a man that "doesn't do politics" bc if you couldn't see this coming from a mile away, you are definitely too stupid to keep up with me.
Bwahaha... Tfw China won't buy your soybeans anymore and Nebraskans think soy makes you gay & woke so they don't buy it either so farmers are fucked. Might as well go back to tobacco bc we're all going to be smoking again soon.
my father-in-law is a “I know a guy” Guy. sadly all the old Guys are aging out of the Guy Economy. Guys are fundamentally incompatible with Hustle Culture because it’s not about “winning” a deal, it’s about collecting favors and goodwill in a mutually-beneficial cycle. protect your local Guy Economy
Did he literally say actually that many times
i don’t like the idea of the president missing. he could be anywhere. i am suddenly aware how little i appreciated opening my shower curtain knowing the president would not be standing there
If someone only likes but does not repost your post then the "fine, but not your best work" is implied.
It's important for us to put into context the fact that trump is a narcissist and would never and has never gone 3+ days out of the public eye, which means there was definitely some serious shit going on, hopefully serious shit that leads to us all buying flags to fly at full staff very soon.
Reading a sci-fi novel set in a future where husbands and wives don't have sex and everyone jacks off to anime characters, wondering when the fiction part starts
Everyone simultaneously praying for something that didn't happen is proof thoughts and prayers don't work
There's even a grainy pic of some motorcycle cops right under the Leesburg pkwy exit sign, and one corroborating witness who heard "lots of sirens" in NW DC. Stellar journalistic instincts from this trio. Made a girl go back to bed dreaming.
RFK Jr. and Pete Hegseth should switch jobs because Kennedy is really good at killing people.
there is no question in my mind that rfk jr is the most dangerous person in this administration and that his eugenicist ideology threatens the lives of millions of people www.advocate.com/politics/dem...
I read RIP as Rest in Peace and got super hopeful again.
I don't presume to know what "most Americans" think and I actually live here, but I'd feel comfortable saying the venn diagram of trump supporters (roughly 30% of adult Americans) and people who prefer Disney/Vegas is pretty close to a circle.
I'm at the beach and between the blaring music, kids yelling, and drunk people, I'm putting on my earbuds to enjoy some soothing sounds of waves gently lapping at the shore.
Fun fact: I was a guard girl. From 15 until I "aged out" of winterguard at 22, and teaching for a few years beyond that.
This is like in Peter Pan where the audience tries to revive Tinkerbell with applause. Except, you know, the opposite.
when you die on the white house toilet you die in real life
Banger
if my name was rhonda i’d have people call me honda for short
There's a great doc about her on Hulu if anyone needs an intro. youtu.be/BbZF_WluzPI?...
If one of us doesn’t pull a muscle Is it even love?
my objection to AI and LLMs, such as it is, has far less to do with the actual technology and far more to do with the utterly ratshit ethics of the majority of AI corporate executives
My favorite.
People hate it when you say controversial stuff like “don’t fuck kids.”