Writer of unmarketable scripts and unlikeable skeets. Cohost of the Movie Memory Machine podcast.
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i met anubis in the realm of the underworld, big strong guy by the way, had a dog’s head, i’m not so sure about that. and he said to me, mr president, you’ve got the heaviest soul we’ve ever weighed down here. can you believe it? they’ve never seen a soul that heavy in all of duat
stick a gigantic research campus on the Wyoming/Idaho border and put enough jobs there to flip two states
ultimately I think the issue here is less about test scores and student performance and more about "the government forced me to manage my kids 24/7 for several months and I didn't like it"
I'm at the golf course I'm at the hospice I'm at the combination golf course and hospice
Mandate of heaven
the only problem is that dwarf fortress players would design a 3000-mile lava moat along the border - not because they're anti-immigrant but simply because they love building elaborate traps
he's just a fall guy. they spotted this dude leaving the grassy knoll with Phil Knight. FOLLOW THE MONEY
it feels like they know people could tell the one they posted the other day wasn't from him, so they tried to juice it up with Trumpier flourishes and inanity, but it's still not quite right. amazing that people who've dedicated their entire lives to this guy still can't accurately mimic his style
We built a calculator that doesn't work, but don't worry, it's also a plagiarism machine that will tell you to kill yourself. It runs on the world's oceans and costs 10 trillion dollars.
yeah I hate it when authoritarian leaders aren't interested in peace, only conquest
EPILOGUE
ah yes, the "12 different Edith Wilsons who all hate each other" scenario
has anyone checked the roof
I remember hearing that he had a colonoscopy during his first term but insisted on not getting put under for it so he wouldn't have to temporarily hand power to Pence. I should fact check this but it's Friday and I don't want to google "trump colonoscopy"
Totally agree. Whenever The Thing happens, the week or so afterwards is going to be bedlam inside the administration that makes the past seven months look like The West Wing. I'm not expecting any coordinated actions
the safe bet is that he's still alive. but I am entertaining the possibility that he is way less alive than he was a few days ago. trying to imagine how this administration spins a persistent vegetative state.
wow so glad you're taking action! hey did I miss the skeet where you gave your full-throated endorsement to SB 79? the bill that would build lots of housing? and put downward pressure on rents?? so fewer people become homeless???
god I love it when a swing state supreme court looks like this. music to my eyes
hilarious to me that even though the constitution clearly states that Vance automatically becomes president when Trump dies, Vance seems to be worried that the cool kids won't let him. "mom says you hafta let me be president" energy
crossing my fingers that he's burning the candle at both ends by sleeping three hours a night and spending every waking moment in a state of confused rage
I don't think JD has the juice to lead the MAGA movement under the best of circumstances. And a "JD thinks Trump is gonna die soon" news cycle is pretty bad for him, circumstances wise! It's just going to piss off all the people whose support he needs - such as Trump!
why is Joni Ernst afraid of getting absolutely killed in the midterms? we're all going to die, after all
a year from now, when Mark Cuban is talking to Tucker Carlson about why he became a Republican, he's going to cite this as one of the examples of why and he'll be completely serious
he's so deep into method acting that he began his character research way back in 2013, when he played a divorced guy who falls in love with an AI chatbot
saw this a week ago and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. looking forward to listening! hoping you spend at least half the episode talking about how Joaquin perfectly mastered the "conservative man who seems like he's always about to start crying" voice
that picture of Schumer always makes me think of this picture of another clown
I feel like for so many people (myself included) the entirety of their MGS experience is playing 15 minutes from a Playstation Magazine demo CD on a friend's PS1, and then being mildly confused by memes about the series online for the next 20+ years
Oh, Hi! is the latest addition to this canon
[getting caught walking out of someone's house carrying their flatscreen TV] no no, you don't understand - I'm a mom-and-pop burglar, so you have to like me and be worried about my well-being
"This Candidate Wants to Shut Down the Orphan Crushing Industry. Mom-and-Pop Orphan Crushers are Concerned."
oh god why did I watch this. I am so angry now. jesus christ.
your average BlueSky politics poster wants one thing: a big iron on their hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
bro don't post stuff like this, I've got shit to do and now you're gonna make me lose another 100 hours to Old World
the worst thing about Harris losing was everything that's happened since; the second worst thing is that Kathleen Parker probably felt very smug about it even though her laugh was definitely not the issue that sank her
Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Kathleen Parker wrote multiple WaPo pieces about how Kamala Harris was electoral kryptonite because of her laugh. zero deeper analysis into policy positions or her history as a campaigner - just "she has a weird laugh that frightens people." six figure salary.
but can I at least call you..... deer?
the richest man in the world buying a presidential election, getting run out of the administration for being a weird diva, then pivoting to jerking it to anime cartoons full time is somehow more Roman than anything that ever happened in Rome
Why is the rent so damn high in LA? Simple economics: the demand for housing is extremely high and our housing supply is extremely low.
trying to imagine living through the Summer of Sam, blackouts, the city going bankrupt, crack wars, and New York's highest ever recorded murder rate and then being like "fuck this, I'm outta here" and moving to LA juuuuust in time for the riots in 1992
Too bad that our legal and institutional safeguards only work to prevent good policies. It would be cool if they also stopped the evil stuff
most of the job is just keeping Bret from sending emails to the employers of people who criticize him online by distracting him with pictures of things he likes (coal-fired power plants, George W. Bush)
I'm not sure if Trump even thinks about his legacy, though? If he was really concerned with what would happen after he dies, you'd think he would have anointed a successor or something
choose your fighter
launching vipers out of the freefalling galactica and for the first time in the show they shoot out into blue sky instead of the black of space...........
i am so sick of the dumbest people alive being in charge of everything and the second dumbest people alive writing opinion columns about how it's good
and the National Guard was in a downtown parking lot facing a secondary access road next to a freeway. they were "occupying" a place most people don't even go to!
I mean, what is "the right" anymore? at this point people with strong opinions about government intervention in private markets are either Bulwark-type reluctant Democrats, or they've accepted Trump as a philosopher king and adjust their beliefs to match his actions (see: Review, National)
Something Awful posters in 2025
when you think about it "I would be lost without restaurant" is just a more elegant way of saying "I gave my life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot"
reading your posts
"And THAT'S why we're dressed as '70s relief pitchers!"
the author didn't write this because she wants the GOP to save Medicaid. she wrote it so the owner of a larger conservative think tank with a more robust healthcare plan will take pity and hire her. her current Wingnut Welfare payments are not enough and she is applying for supplemental assistance.
INSPIRING: Medicaid pays for treatments, drugs, and in-home caregivers so the mother of this severely disabled child can continue her work for a conservative think tank dedicated to eliminating Medicaid
when the AI bubble finally collapses and everyone who spent a year smugly hyping it suddenly has to come crawling back with their tail between their legs, i just want to say i am not going to be the bigger person about it. i am going to be meaner than you can even believe
they should deploy the national guard to set up some better lighting for this press conference
great thread but could you please spill some Jeff Van Drew tea? you both got elected in 2018 - did you meet him at all during orientation in the ~13 month period where he was a Democrat? endlessly fascinated by this strange little man with awful suits. was he always this way?
I wonder if the construction of lots of other apartments will lower the market rate for apartments? that's what happened in every other city that's passed legislation like this. I'd find examples but my butler just arrived with my afternoon ortolans, because I'm so incredibly rich
weird, I'm a longtime rent stabilized tenant in an area that would be targeted for development and I think SB 79 kicks ass
"cramming more houses into an area" has resulted in lower rents and reduced homelessness in Seattle, Austin, Minneapolis and just about every other city where it's been tried
yeah I feel like the overabundance of single-family dwellings is really harming neighborhood character of this area
wrapping up my three-week trip to the pacific northwest and learning that I will be returning to LA just in time for the first major heatwave of the summer, with temperatures expected to hit 108 degrees in the Valley
I feel like a lot of this got underway during the Obama years, when you saw local officials in rural areas/red states turning down free federal money for healthcare/infrastructure because it was coming from President Black Guy. then Trump and covid pushed that behavior into death drive territory
feels like one last grift on the day out the door for Cuomo. his political career is going to end in embarrassment, so he may as well collect as much Hamptons donor cash as he can on the way out the door (before inevitably writing a WSJ op-ed about how he's a Republican now after he loses)
now the horse head mask has been supplanted by the inflatable full body T-Rex costume
there's six episodes in the first season of Moonlighting and Bruce Willis plays the harmonica and/or sings a classic rock song in four of them. dude was so on his grindset that he soft launched Bruno DURING his big break. an icon.
gavin newsom is mitt romney's tyler durden
in case you were wondering if Rep. Tim Walberg was some mild mannered Chamber of Commerce Mitt Romney type...... He is not!
not even depicting the immigrants as a thuggish horde of tatted up criminals, just a sad crying family. fully expecting the intended audience to automatically hate them off of skin color alone. bleak! really bleak!
Productive deranged: Gavin Newsom Fun deranged: Don Young Useless deranged: Schumer
one of Trump's handlers accidentally gave him an iPad with Miami Vice on it so now that's the new thing he's deploying the military to stop
I believe in America. I believe in the second amendment. that's why I support not just nuclear families, but biological and chemical families. we must maintain a stockpile of families of mass destruction in case our conventional families cannot protect us.
remember when you voted to confirm Sean Duffy and then he immediately started trying to pull funding from California infrastructure projects
We had one offramp in 2012, but then the Democrats committed the unthinkable sin of campaigning against Mitt Romney
please, every other democrat, do not let gavin newsom outshine you on this front start acting like this until he is the dimmest, most unremarkable light among anti-trump firebrands
this is good and I'm glad he's doing it and I hope he recognizes that having friendly transphobic chats with fascists on his dumb podcast did nothing to keep the gestapo off his doorstep
I don't want to make nice or do any unity bullshit or organize to change hearts and minds, I want to ride thermostatic backlash into power and then ruin the lives of everyone identifiably responsible for this down to the last man.
I could get a lot of good writing done at the Overlook Hotel. No disrespect to Jack Torrance but it really seems like a skill issue. I'd just make a point of not going crazy, how hard can that be
"the sexual harassment allegations that Cuomo admitted to and resigned from office over seem very weak"
i don't want jon stewart to run for president. not because i particularly like or dislike him or think he'd do a good or bad job- rather because i believe it is vital to the national interest that we hand executive power directly from a boomer to a millennial
seeing all these yutzes go from cheering for gutting cancer research in the name of "government efficiency" to cheering for deploying the military because they saw a homeless person makes me want to [signal interference] [blast of static] [FM radio smooth jazz]
really feels like housing affordability is one of the most important political issues of our time, affecting nearly every aspect of our lives, and everyday our mainstream political discourse is about whether sour cream is woke or not
hey Adam what do you think we should do with collaborators who help the tinpot dictator appoint his cabinet full of thugs? I have some ideas but I want to hear yours
Soup of the day implies another, possibly even seductive, soup of the night.
I can't wait for @schiff.senate.gov to vote to confirm this goon and then 20 minutes later post something like "Donald Trump is a threat to all the values we as Americans hold dear. We're fighting back. 👊"
How many of the dictator's nominees did you vote for Adam
Howard Hughes, at the peak of his ten inch fingernails, piss bottling, sitting naked in the dark watching Ice Station Zebra on repeat era, would look at these posts and say "uhhhh is this guy ok?"
those are the least convincing prop books I have ever seen. they may as well have just put up a sticky note with "LITERATURE" written on it in sharpie
I remember hearing that Truman had like two quick chats with Roosevelt during the entirety of his fourth term. and then the day FDR died the War Department came to him and said "hey heads up, we've got this thing called the Manhattan Project and it's allowed us to become, death destroyer of worlds"
the only jaws theme I need is the music that plays when the alien queen reveals her second set of jaws
the thing about ALIENS is that the movie is called ALIENS and you don't see a single Alien, let alone multiple Aliens, onscreen until more than halfway through the movie. only James Cameron could pull off that sort of delayed gratification
paging @frankconniff.bsky.social
I totally agree! but unfortunately he was also being a sex pest with the young waitresses. If he was only fleecing rich douches with Costco chicken and nothing else, I'd be his biggest fan
so let's say the American empire falls like the Roman Empire - does that mean we get an American version of the Byzantine Empire in the aftermath? and if so can it be the west coast states please?
Bopping around NY rn & I'm reminded once again that what conservatives loathe most about most major US cities is that they are living proof that ppl of diverse backgrounds/cultures/etc can successfully live alongside each other & like & benefit from that. It proves the lie of their entire worldview.
Reportedly this movie is loosely based on that restaurant, among others!
it's funny because none of the locals could afford to eat there - and if any of them had been able to, they immediately would have immediately called BS on the "all our chicken and beef is raised locally on this tiny island with no major agriculture" thing, which completely impossible
for a few years there was a super bougie restaurant on Lummi Island, WA that rich people flew in from all over the world to go to. $500 entrees. chef claimed everything they served was raised locally on the island. big scandal when it turned out they bought most of their ingredients at Costco!
Cuomo is running for president (of the University of Austin)