Meatba'al
@vance.bsky.social
Writer/Irish-born American dumbass. Working (very slowly) on a reference book about the 3DO. Voted funniest man on the northbound Metro Blue Line.
created July 6, 2023
240 followers 125 following 3,701 posts
view profile on Bluesky Posts
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I got bad news, pickleball is exactly the kind of thing you get left behind with when you've killed or stolen or fingered the neighbor's cat. We all think it's going to be an eighty foot tall Newt Gingrinch cracking open your roof and eating you, but really it's just sport for isolated seniors.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
I'm here to tell you, I would not let anybody know about when to expect the rapture unless I was lying and I wanted them to look like a complete boob. Like my rapture would be me jumping up from behind a tree and going "SURPRISE, CUNTS!" and then there's nothing left but your shoes.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
There's no formula to it, but when setting up and sharing your own server becomes worth the savings, that's when.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
ME: So I'm here to pitch a sequel to Glover 64. I want to call it Glover 65. EXECUTIVES CRAWLING OVER THE DESK, TEARING MY LIMBS FROM MY BODY AND BEATING EACH OTHER WITH THEM
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Pet photos. That's it, I'm too tired to make boner jokes right now.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I'd stick with James Lipton interviewing me. I've been confronting my sins. I require comfort. I need the sensation of the tip of a tongue on my balls without the actual physical presence.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Strong "No bitches" energy on Bluesky today. People responding to obvious jokes with full Vox-style explainers. Morale and stocks are down, fragile self-importance and the national average glycemic index are up.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Let's gerrymander somebody's identity? I dunno, let me workshop this one.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm not reading that shit and the thesis statement of "Nobody likes us so maybe we should redefine our label to encompass less awful people" isn't changing my mind.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Hot Pockets: What if calzones were more like trying to eat a swamp?
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
WERNER HERZOG: The denial of pain is the denial of life. Numbing pills prescribed through the numbing agent of the television. A relentless entropy factory, eternally churning out increasingly regressive garbage. The house has become a cocoon.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm coming to doubt that's true.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Extrapolation; as more Super Mario Brothers games are released, world tensions rise and we accelerate faster and faster into World War 3. Coincidence?
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Born to ride Donald J Trump
Max the comics guy who does comics about comics (@waitingforthetrade.bsky.social) reposted
Prince Charming: I must find the one who fits this magic jockstrap! Bring it to every confirmed bachelor in the land and I shall marry the one it fits! Butler: You don’t remember what his face looked like? Prince Charming: it wasn’t that kind of party
J. Elvis Weinstein (@jelvisweinstein.bsky.social) reposted
I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.
Gabriel Morton (@gabrielenguard.bsky.social) reposted
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Like it doesn't bother me to be searching for something innocuous and the first response is a bear jerking off (for some reason this happens often enough,) it's not for me but I have no trouble scrolling past. But it does create a bar for inviting new people onto the platform.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
I have no opinion on the review itself, but IGN's scoring system of 7-10 gets awfully confusing for "at a glance" reads.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Gauntlet IV
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Like it's not on the same level but I remember being in my dad's factory after hours and he was getting my kid brother to sign checks from one arm of his company to the other under the name Gordon Shumway.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I've assumed that's what Silicon Valley does ever since I tried to look up how that area's "Angel investing" works. Sure there's some losses baked in, but it's definitely a circular tax harvesting scheme as well.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Dead-ass shocked that a Kennedy has a bad relationship with women.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Laaaaadies
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Baby Merchant would be an appropriate crossover with Privateer.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Also, you know what's good? When somebody speculates that a writer does sex crimes (paired with "I'm just asking questions!") but when you push back in the slightest they put on a top hat and do a one person production titled "How Dare You"
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
That's the albatross around my neck
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Would you NOT?
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
*Ernest, whatever
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Here's the problem with what you're saying, I'm hazardously heterosexual and I'd probably make out with Earnest.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm going to get a bit too close to a @kayin.moe grandpa gaming take but microtransactions are probably going to beat Five Nights at Freddy's in the race to kill horror games.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Look, I'm just saying I wouldn't be surprised if Barker shoots half a dozen hooks into people's faces and then drags them into his basement if they can't solve a jigsaw puzzle.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Easy mode also makes the anti-capitalist messaging more blunt and obvious, leading to a dangerous feedback loop in the talking head YouTuber environment.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Couldn't have anything to do with the cost of living meeting the devaluation of art. That wouldn't inform a tidal wave of anti-capitalist art. This person doesn't think, she just retrofits pseudo-intellectual canards to match shallow observations.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
My sleep paralysis demon just wrapped herself around my arm.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Don't know about perfect but Sexy Beast is a master class in promising violence but holding off on it until just the perfect moment. Plus it has Ian McShane.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
There was this weird halfway thing in Final Fantasy Legends (yes I'm aware of what it originally was) where you created a party but they had limited dialogue, and that fell into an odd liminal space between these two styles.
Dude, Where’s My Dragon? (@ator.bsky.social) reposted reply parent
last one but holy shit
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
YOU EVER SEE THE MOVIE RUBBER?
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Say hi to my dog Goemon, you wastoids.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
We gotta get some nerd sports back on the radar here and this is the golden opportunity. I ran cross country and rowed, I'm willing to be the overly excitable color commentary for those.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
The three genders
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
A loud, hollow click echoes around the dark room. The Disney Adult places the revolver on the center of the table, their eyes a living dare to the Harry Potter Adult sitting opposite.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
"Mastermind"
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm guessing this explains why I can't find a pea coat like the one I inherited from my uncle. That thing was just past the knees and it rocked. Now a pea coat will catch a draft up your backside. They look like fetish gear, almost.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
El Ingobernable ... Better Knuckle Up 👊🏼 (@ooooyeeeah.bsky.social) reposted
Meanwhile Kenny Omega #aew
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
This should come with a time stamp because before a certain point it meant joyous trash awaited. After a certain point in history, Pyun movies only equalled pain.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
On one hand it's annoying that Bluesky lets you disable quote posts, but on the other it's an easy way to spot tender little fuckers who have definitely stuck their foot in their mouths.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Update: it's not.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Not until you meet Sebastian and he's the dreariest fucker in the ocean, waiting patiently for a death that never comes.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I would recommend the book Disney War for an unparalleled view into Eisner's psyche, which explains his WWOD intros. It also lines up with his post here. The dude was full of weird shit ideas but he at least believed in them and fought for them.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Why don't voters find every little money hungry goblin who got into politics and wreck their fucking homes?
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
58? Excellent. Now let's look at how the overall numbers. 38 Dems voted present, and 95 were in favor. I see, I see.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Reading about the excruciating lives and deaths of lobsters and thinking we should bring Ecco the Dolphin back as a Souls game.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Okay I've figured out what I'm gonna make Alex stream next.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
onion person (@junlper.beer) reposted
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Okay I want to call bullshit on how much AI is allowed to hallucinate at work compared to me. The machines are getting more slack than the people.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Really miss when games had a ton of these little contextual bits.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Wait till it makes you scream "McDonald's!" before giving you access to your Häagen-Dazs.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Blart and Jiggles
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Feel like we're shooting right past the fact that there's a Blu-ray of Creating Rem Lazar. Also that I don't have this movie on my bad movie night party rotation.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Bean and Jerby's
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Bill, would you say... keep sharing the tapes?
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Honestly this comes as something of a relief at this point.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Shooting Kirk was technically correct, but we were supposed to dismantle his media support network first. Old school games who played Desert Strike know what I'm talking about.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
She's gonna freak the fuck out when she finds out the new furniture is for pushing her and the arthritic dog around the hood.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
It'll be interesting to see if DeSantis has gutted New College so thoroughly that the students fail to do what they would have in the past; deface the statue in ways that would make fiction writers feel grossly inadequate before summarily disposing of it in a swamp.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Face too big. Head too small. Prompts needed to render this anatomical lie: 37.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
It's an involved though not overly complex project to drill a hole in the statue and run a hose down to a bladder on the ground, allowing passerby to stomp on a bag that ejects cherry Kool-Aid from the neck.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
So @lanceboyle94.bsky.social posted a link downstream that answers the mild obsession I've had with where the Mean Streets theme song comes from. It's from the De Wolfe music library and is titled Rockin Da House by John Hyde.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Almost the same exact feeling as catching Jac-Mac and Radboy on Night Flight as a kid.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Nice. It even credits the song (albeit slightly incorrectly) and it was a piece of cake to finally locate it from there. www.dewolfemusic.com/search.php?c...
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
They might even have to have up to the fact that Charlie Kirk wanted kids and The Blacks to die for his beliefs and would never accept being in the running for such an event. But they'd never admit it to you.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Like I said, I wouldn't want an answer. You'll get some kind of bullshit. But if you get people to answer it in their own heads, that's where they're more likely to face realty.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
We're be on Mars by like *sniff* two minutes.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
I blew a coworker's mind this morning, making him think about how accepting Kirk would be if he knew the bullet was coming for him that day. It's not a question worth hearing the answer to, but making his supporters answer it to themselves might make them realize their hero is a paper tiger.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Granted he wasn't killed but Reagan deserves a dishonorable mention.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
DOG: They're great! They feed me, pet me, and when one of them puts his penis away it means I might get a walk! CAT: Yeah, it's weird. I live with two giants who barely know how to walk. They leave me regular offerings in a bowl and occasionally check in to make sure I'm happy.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
This is a very helpful comment on the internet and I feel like you don't belong here.
The Legged One (@palmtungsten.bsky.social) reposted
A video on the 80s Zelda cartoon popped in my recommend and I remembered that Bob Forward (the main writer for The Legend Of Zelda, He-Man, and Beast Wars) has a patent for underwear that shocks your balls to regain testosterone
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Yes, I remember one other game pulling a similar trick, some sci-fi racer that digitized a glam rock track over the title screen.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
The retro fanatics found this post so I recommend looking at the replies if you want to learn some of the technical stuff.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Granted the sound provided in Tex Murphy: Mean Streets was a handful of voiced lines and one song licensed from a music library (the same song shows up in an episode of Kung Fu: The Legend Continues) but this is what you could hold on floppy disks. A 40MB hard drive in 89 would cost $400-500.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm impressed that anybody remembers Voodoo, despite the highly relatable story where they practically invented an industry and almost immediately failed within that industry.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
That song must have come off a music library CD of the time. It was also played in at least one commercial, as well as a bar scene in the TV show Kung Fu: The Legend continues.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Access adventures fit neatly into that category I call "This isn't good but I enjoy it." Mean Streets' game design was as experimental as the tech was, lacked any of the depth of contemporary adventures, but was kind of rewarding in how being observant and taking notes could pay off.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
China's social credit only applies to corporations.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
RealSound was computer voodoo if you understand the context. PC games of the time made music from deafening beeps that were intended more as system alerts. Access figured out how to play waveforms through that speaker, resulting in music clips and speech before sound cards existed.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
Look I'm a crude, horrible man but Schumer is patiently waiting on a reacharound that wasn't even promised to him.
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social)
He's never gonna give you that reacharound, bro
Meatba'al (@vance.bsky.social) reply parent
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