So there I was eating a burrito when the craving for a different burrito talked me into going somewhere else to get more burritos
limbic system enhancer / fine ass necromancer
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So there I was eating a burrito when the craving for a different burrito talked me into going somewhere else to get more burritos
Eating burritos makes me want more burritos
Okay throw cardboard boxes on the grass and I’ll see you in a few months
Falcon alliances are crucial
[my first day doing self affirmations] a dumpster fire is still hot
Better than expected which is extremely rare
What zone you in player?
💋✌🏼
See them live if you can it’s gooood
I have falcons that are bicoastal between herr in Malibu and the Hamptons
Why not? Enjoy it for a while before they deport her and you never see each other again
It’s just wrapping paper and ribbon, what step are you stuck on?
Chili cheese nails might fix me
Max it out I know it’s real
Cute!
Can’t imagine spending my free time watching millionaires in spandex capris tackling each other chasing balls
No warming spices until it’s cold that’s law
Gonna need more hog
Thanks to bluesky, I've upped my eye rolling game by like 87-89%.
Real ones know
I’ll be over with some wildflower seeds later
You can run every day but until you run amok you may not know life
Nothing gets me more turgid than sanctions
Half of this website really really needs to get laid
Pretty sure this thing runs on lasers
🏆
We started paying our police more despite public outcry. They stopped trying and crime rates went down. There’s a lesson here and I’m not sure if it’s about reporting or the fact that we can spend 1/4 on police and achieve same result.
Dark
All my life I wanted to be more education than u
A bajillion per person is the only solution I agree with you
You definitely aren’t MY buckaroo. But you are for the purposes of rhyming and shit posting so thanks for taking it way too seriously 🤣
Are birds of prey woodland creatures?
😂
Damn! Good thing you have two milk eaters! Otherwise you’d only catch more baby daddies
Waterpik is dark side or jedi?
Impossible
NPCs thanks bsky
People who traffic in opinions about things they are not experts in are the original NOCs. Like why do you think you know shit? You’re a rando consumer. Go buy a funko or a labubu or something, capitalist nerds.
I’m still alive I can hear you
Bold of you to assume I can read
Guillermo Del Toro is the director of the film. He’s done several other things perhaps you should look into them.
How do you find the time with the twins?
🎃💩
Happy to find you in this realm again
Quitting twitter for bluesky
sorry i tried to give you mouth to mouth when your internet went down, and also for unplugging your router
Maybe you’re just trash
Fuckass corny ass take
Are you making GDT level projects? This man is a gift to humanity and creativity and you are mad people clapped? Think it through buckaroo
As an adult who doesn’t, nobody can tell me shit either. You ain’t my dad!
I used to start my Apple Watch before work conversations just to see how much work I was actually doing and those days ended up being thousands of calories without moving
Wash yo ass -Buddha
Carrying a conversation counts as cardio
Emotional labor burns calories
Can’t work for free if you’re barely giving a fuck away
small feathers say yes because they are down
Licks thumb c’mere you look a lil dry
What do you mean ALSO?
Listening to a Richard Serra sculpture has always brought me more joy than Michael stipe singing.
Shit post. For the love of fuck the internet is full of shitty shit now. Just be funny god damn.
Do you feel like all of your accuracy is doing anything? It’s crazy good being right but change is hard to achieve
Not stopping you just giving hot fry tips bb
How many minutes would you estimate? The other night I stumbled across a night market at my favorite weed emporium. Total in: 2 joints of sunset sherbet and 3 10mg gummies that were indica sativa and hybrid respectively. Cleaned my house for hours and organized two bookshelves & worked in the garden
you should want to keep learning things throughout your life if for no other reason than it gives you more material for jokes
Pistachios, aka tree clams.
Been invited to zero barbecues which I can only interpret to mean society has collapsed. Or it’s self-inflicted from isolating. No way of telling with these things
Spanish vision includes siesta. Emirates hate their “employees” napping and prefer slavery
a toilet that poops back
You can buy 1 truffle salt and turn your fries into fancy fries for years to come, wine or not
So I can poison him for crimes against humanity fuck this idiot and nestle
I mean he’s so handsome I hope he’s still single so we can start an intramural extracurricular affair
Stupid and great. Slurp
Skeet like you want it
See you in a few months
So thoughtful!
Don’t make me look this up dillo I have things to do (I do not)
They defenestrating the wrong shit!
Half the time I want me dead yall ain’t special 😂
"that's not nice, what if people wished you were dead?" well, that would finally be one thing we had in common then
If I spent all my time concerned with what other people want I would never get shit done.
Pick me up some of both plz I just ran out of
Unexpected banger
In honor of Labor Day I’m dilated to 5 centimeters.
I keep telling foos they don’t want da smoke
Gonna need yall to be funnier faster and more frequently because we need to get as many laughs in as possible before the deadline (geopolitical meltdown climate change apocalypse)
Try not being cishet for a minute. The gays have a lot of shit figured out that the heteros never will
LIGER
Him: Well, if you ask me- Me: Let me stop you right there.
I don’t care if you like it my skeet is made of diamonds formed in the crushing pressure of my rib cage and you’re lucky to get any
Oof
Getting road head on a bicycle
I haven’t listened to him in years. Highly recommend.
Guess you just need the right bait
Man I wish I could pick
Never trust a mayo person
Water? Like from the toilet?!
Trying to putt but Wilbur left his elbow on the 9th green and an eyeball stuck next to the pin