Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
They don't write old, beatnik poetry like this anymore.
🇺🇲🇬🇧 Nevadan idiot I was vlad.the.impala on Threads I'm married to @foofertheimpala (i hide things in alt texts that no one reads)
582 followers 921 following 1,636 posts
view profile on Bluesky Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
They don't write old, beatnik poetry like this anymore.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
There's music playing Mick Jagger, David Bowie Dancing in the street Live Aid special video So adorable, so weird #tanka The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/19/25 was #street
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Bane's not a licensed therapist Not by his recollection But what he lacks in "book learnin'" He makes up in affection
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Love love love it ❤️❤️❤️
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Stopped into a church As it's mandatory Well I got down on my knees (Got down on my knees) And thanked God that I'm free (very audibly) You know they use AI (I hate AI) For keeping tabs on me (very buggily) Repub-lican dreamin' ('publican dreamin') Please just let me beeeee
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Howdy folks, I'm Kash Patel My face has resting "what the hell" For competence I'm not your guy Somehow I run the FBI
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Tosh: Thank you, I try my best Steve: How very dare you‽
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Tosh: Is it time for the podcast? Steve: Of course Tosh: Yay! Do I get to sit in again? Steve: Of course Tosh: Is my microphone still broken? Steve: Of course
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
We are family Everyone is related Shouldn't that matter? #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
The AI broke down, what a shame Thus proving the whole thing was lame Why couldn't he look In a recipe book? They said that the WiFi's to blame #limerick
Foofer (@foofertheimpala.bsky.social) reposted
If I understand the conservative view of free speech, it is: We can say whatever we want regardless of consequences and should never suffer repercussions and will cry victim if you point out we are wrong with facts and will do whatever possible to ruin your life.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
I will not take this in my stride You've pushed it all too far Both my eyes are open wide And I see what you are You pandered to a childish slob And never wondered why The frog lies dead upon the hob Its saucepan has boiled dry The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/18/25 was #stride
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
"Jump on my signal Keep those damn knees together And roll when you land" #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Amateurs. A pro would have stamped on them, first.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Thor: No opposable thumbs, sorry… Bane: Yeah, ditto… Tosh: I'll help, just tell me what to do! Steve: You have three furry critters that you could throw at the fixture until it was clean. I'm happy to supervise. Tosh: Great idea, Steve!
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Damn, Zaddy, that sucks. Sending you e-hugs, lots of 'em
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
That is a wonderful, thank you
Scott Adamson (@scottadamson1960.bsky.social) reposted
A quick break from gloom and doom. #catsofbluesky #flashfiction adamsonmedia.com/cats-humor-f...
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
The chihuahua in its natural habitat: Snuggled somewhere warm
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Thank you Its opening hours are pure chaos It closes at random, I'm sure But please do not worry You won't need to hurry There isn't a lock on the door
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
The countertop gleaming with polish Neither too low nor too high Of shelves, they be plenty But currently empty I do not know what we can buy It's been a while, but it's still open I don't think it ever will close There's no way of telling Just what they are selling I don't really care, I suppose
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
They opened a branch in the strip mall Employment for young and for old Its name was amusing But slightly confusing No one really knew what they sold The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/17/25 was #branch
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
His first amendment rights protect the awful things he said But you can never criticize him now that he is dead He could say such nasty things that you cannot refute He is right and you are wrong, ain't that fucking cute?
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Love it
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Trapped in the background Feeling like we don't belong But that's what they want #haikufeels (sorry for going a little dark, there)
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Sleepy September moon Sitting up there in the sky So lovely, you're making me swoon Strange that I can't explain why #WerewolfPoetry
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
Lay down a path of pink petals Outside when the autumn wind settles Try hard not to notice Unsafe, greasy lotus Slip and fall into some nettles #limerick #acrostic The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/16/25 was #lotus
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Bane keeps you sane!
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Loved the podcast today, Steve. It's a pity your list of best places to nap got derailed into a rant about "biblically accurate cats". Still, your tips for a "toned twirling torso" may come in handy one day.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
The next time Steve tries to charge her while she's running, she will declare him "off-site" and send him in for an early bath.
Foofer (@foofertheimpala.bsky.social) reposted reply parent
The light show begins The sun kisses the mountains The clouds catch colors #haikufeels #Kiss #Haiku #Poetry
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
"Lovey-dovey ducky Dee Oh, please will you wait for me?" "Very well, my darling Mo Even though you're kinda slow" #acrostic
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
A guy can have hobbies. Podcaster, squirrel hunter, easily distracted guardian of an otherworldly dimension. They're all good
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Blackpool '65 Wearing a "kiss me quick" hat Sitting on the beach She wrote a lovely postcard With kisses on the bottom #tanka
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Their wires were all crossed Counting the cost Her compass, his map Yet they're forever lost Estranged, they explain That distance is pain But one day, by chance, They may meet once again 2/2
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
He was magnetic She was electric They lived a life That was fun but eccentric They felt affection And some deep connection Yet they never went In a similar direction 1/2 The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/15/25 was #compass
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
Final fading summer breeze Autumn comes to call Leaves are browning on the trees Looking soon to fall #acrostic #vsspic
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Such a stupid bet Eighty days! Around the 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥!? It's easy money I pity poor Phineas He hasn't the foggiest… #tanka
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
I love the slight dropping off the ears when he first sees you. Happy Sunday, Steve! And Scott
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
As he knew not what to do. (Here's a tanka for the save)
Lindsey Rachev (@lrachev.bsky.social) reposted
Here's a capybara twirling a stick.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
Floating through the empty void Lightness, weightless, soundless Getting more and more annoyed My irritation's boundless The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/14/25 was #boundless
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
#AccidentalAcrostic
Tea Pain (@teapainusa.bsky.social) reposted
The Hatfields keep blaming the McCoys every time a Hatfield shoots another Hatfield.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm fond of the epithet "twunt"
Blue Fairylicious Girl🧚 (@bluesnowflake.bsky.social) reposted
🤣 #Caturday
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Visceral desire Wracking my body with need Addicted to you #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
Galloping over the hill Lances held low for the kill "On, lads, for glory" Reads well in a story You know, in real life, you feel ill #limerick #acrostic The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/13/25 was #glory
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Sheriff Steve, the Fun Police, Will try to stop Tosh playing "Sheltie, halt, desist and cease." The message he's relaying But Tosh is such a lovely girl She doesn't care at all And Steve has no chance stopping her As he is far too small Night night, guys ❤️
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
My brother hit my other brother Right upon his head I bent and checked him for a pulse Oh no, I think he's dead I felt so angry and distraught But didn't make a sound I marched out to my neighbor's house And burned it to the ground
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
I wandered 'neath the autumn sun The wind was at my back My brand new friend, who'd trust I'd won Hopped with me down the track We settled where the field was mown And ate some magic seeds We talked of matters most unknown And darkly distant deeds
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
Happy Friday, folks Hope you have a great weekend Full of joy n stuff #haiku
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Absolutely gorgeous
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Such wisdom in one so small
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Silent guardians Titans of Salisbury Plain Obelisks of old Neolithic masterpiece Egyptians aren't impressed, though #tanka #acrostic #stonehenge #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Our Chihuahua King The cutest tyrant in town He'll not rule wisely #haiku
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
"It's good to be Steve Just for a while And if you don't believe Then you're just in denial It's good to lie down Like you'll never get up Someone give a gold crown To this ornery pup. What foul webs we'd weave If we were Steve"
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
France? Sophisticated Russia is so cold Japan is technological Egypt's very old Italy's so passionate Switzerland's meticulous But Mexico and Canada Border on the ridiculous The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/12/25 was #border
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
They way things are, I wouldn't blame you if it was vodka
Philo of Alexan (@philoof.bsky.social) reposted
I meant to do that
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
"Scott, just go back into the house and crank up that turno-stat thing. This sun needs to be warmer."
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
Paddling with my trusty bow My fishy friends beside me I am not sure which way to go The birds will surely guide me I know the orchestra won't wait As sure as my name's Lolo But they will notice that I'm late When no one does my solo #poetry
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Cannot stop grinning So hard to contain my joy 𝚃𝙰𝚂𝙺𝙼𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁 is back! #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Gorgeous
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Plus Autocorrect is a piece of shiv
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Goodnight, Scott Goodnight, Tosh I'm going to listen to Steve's latest podcast* where he discusses the cats and how truly awful they are *Because 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 has one these days
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm wfh, so the middle of the week tends to be a drab blur of "is it Friday, yet?"
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
I get that, too. I'm guessing today is one of those non-weekend days that I don't care for at all.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
They're all wearing black Holding a memorial For their former friend He's in a happier place As he's no longer a goth #tanka The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/11/25 was #memorial
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Gotta love these prompts We devour them with relish And haiku are born #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Now when I walk the house Thor and Bane step aside Every squirrel and mouse They all try and hide I wanna tell ya, little Tosh When I pee, I mark my own And I'm here to tell ya, Scott That I'm bad to the bone🎵
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Looks like some thinkin' is being thunk
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
In southern Arizona Just a skosh north of the border There's a guy with a persona That one could compare to ordure He loves to shoot at cacti Takes his time as no one's rushed him If you want to hear a fact I Hear that one fell down and crushed him 🌵 The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/10/25 was #cactus
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Oooh!
The Onion (@theonion.com) reposted
4-Year-Old Accepted Into Mensa https://theonion.com/4-year-old-accepted-into-mensa/
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Did you even watch Endgame?
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
What a good girl. Best dog in the house.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Strutting down the street The embodiment of "cool" Disco Travolta #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Mo, a local journalist, has discovered personal letters of Steve's (mostly death threats and blackmail attempts) where the signatures are identical to the one on the offending picture If chihuahuas could feel shame…
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
If you look at official documents, such as "request for more 'chihuahua only' napping spots" and "petition for a comically large squirrel trap", you'll find that Steve's signature is completely different.
Foofer (@foofertheimpala.bsky.social) reposted
A long slow hell Of stubbed toes and paper cuts Interlaced with tiny whisps of hope #vssdaily #whisp #Poetry #Micropoem You'll hardly know you're reading it
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
Salome - her dancing entails Removing some seven silk veils But they're whispy, they cling And don't hide 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 You can already see "her details" #limerick The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/9/25 was #whisp
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Any ray of sun that hits Steve is a ray that's not wasted on a cat What chihuahuas call a "win win situation"
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
*He does, really. But his best isn't that great and usually gets overwhelmed by his colossal self-importance
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
"Scott, leave me be, for goodness sake Oh, can't you see I'm on my break I try my best not to be rude* But let me rest 'til I smell food"
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
It's embarrassing now, but in 150 years they'll look back on this and laugh
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Doesn't ICE consider international airports as "the border", too? Meaning that practically all major US cities will have to put up with this BS
Jyari (@jyari3000.bsky.social) reposted
Enforcing my will Doesn’t sound appealing It feels weak willed and revealing If I’m being honest… Hence, I seek to be modest By using my #power against…me Self overcoming instead of running From the darkness that my shadows see #vss365 #poetry #BlackSkyRelay
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
"There's only one left" Candy box or singles bar It's not a good sign #haikufeels
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Good Morning, one and all!
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social) reply parent
Foofer (@foofertheimpala.bsky.social) reposted
I don't know what I expect when I put bread in the toaster as I am startled when it pops up 100% of the time.
Vlad the Impala (@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social)
I step on the stage With paper, tape, and a bow The crowd looks restless I notice the microphone Wait, they want me to wrap 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵? #tanka #homophone The #vssdaily #prompt for 9/8/25 was #wrap