losing my shit imagining the next mission impossible film being just 2.5 hours of tom cruise explaining the mission then the credits roll
once my dad ate a chicken nugget off my plate and i cried for 3 hours winstwinstwinst in most places
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losing my shit imagining the next mission impossible film being just 2.5 hours of tom cruise explaining the mission then the credits roll
itll be like if jim jones had thermite. theyll be able to see that shit from the international space station
gonna refuse every single kid at the next pool party an ice cream and see if i cant get the fire brigade called due to the scale of self immolation
my six year old nephew lit himself on fire in protest like the monk on the front cover of that rage against the machine album because i wouldnt let him eat a whole bag of starburst
if we dont get princess di style queen of are hearts posts when trump finally shiuts himself to death i will die irl
telling everyone on r/whatisthisthing that whatever it is is definitely radioactive in some way and to drop it, run, call the feds
LOL DELETE REDDIT IMMEDIATELY
reddit might actually be a worse website than twitter
me when im late for work: better call paul (paul is the name of my boss)
if she doesnt say 'i miss you' like slint do in good morning captain just fucken divorce her
thinkimg about releasing a 'vible'. a bible for vibes
when you join antifa they dont even give your a colouring book
op op-op op op oppa [massive crunching of gears and metal] GUNDAM STYLE
[me, while anubis weighs my heart against whether i threw the can at the guy near the start of half-life 2]: let me explain
the only thing that can save us now is a scathing satirical film from the creators of south park
grief festival sounds awesome im gonna hang out at the bargaining stage
2022: [as quietly as possible] ᵢₜₛ ₘₒᵣᵦᵢₙ ₜᵢₘₑ 2025: [through a stadium size sound rig] IT'S MORBIN' TIME
me too thanks
science has yet to explain where things in the toilet go
HOEVERLOAD
what idiot called it polygamy and not hoeverlap
sydney sweeney has great
would not i? shut the fuck up
my two year old is still yet to condemn hamas
'finally going to met'???????? i saw it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's the first qwantz typo in history and i didn't screenshot it before refreshing because i was so sure it was intentional Bit
just purchased a 30-day ancestral eating plan and all it says is EAT EGG in 96pt comic sans it cost £4000
3 years of lockdowns and i never even got to eat a bat
the existence of a liver king implies the existence of a liver queen, and tantalisingly, liver viscounts
what idiot called it syphilis and not hog warts
me [after takingThe Substance and waking up with a low taper fade]: no
we are finally answering the question 'what if atlas were a huge squirel and also stood on the earth'
what idiot called it existential dread and not the unbearable shiteness of being
[watching three mushroom clouds bloom on the horizon] i wonder what asmongold has to say about this
gryffindor? shhut the fuck up. put me in ASSAULT RIFLE house
[child handing me a hand made birthday card] oh son, this created no shareholder value at all
what idiot called them bagels and not yeastie boys
i want the wokest bond possible. i want the studio going down the woke checklist and ticking every single box. i want anyone 1mm politically right of jeremy corbyn to burst like a blood filled hand grenade
five nights at richie & eddie's
we need a site that only posts the Correct Opinions. is that too much to ask
elon saying chess is simple because it doesnt have a tech tree or fog of war is up there with saying the fifth symphony is simple because it doesnt have a crabcore breakdown
breaking: trump has signed an executive order that says 'actually no'
durin [utterly wasted]: keep digGing soyboys its just a fucken balrog
the only thing that can save us now is a scathing satirical film from the creators of south park
gotta say [lowers oakleys] feeling pretty brat during cunt summer
just got a dream new job at the animal shelter! im the guy who shoots the dogs with a rocket launcher if no one adopts them within two weeks
if you ever listened to an andrew tate podcast youre automatically enlisted into chad squadron who are sent to fight on the front line with nothing but their alpha male tea cups
i would rather be fired eyes first into a bucket of map pins than sign up for another social media site
water companies (after paying £30m in shareholder dividends): please dont use any water until december ai datacenter (using a billion gallons of water to generate a single image of spongebob with a visible camel toe): lol lmao
thirteen year old gen-alpha draped in jaded london drip: bruh what the sigma boomer who wants to see the return of white dog shit: gurp
fellas it just hit 69:69 somehow
peopel lamenting the death of the Third Space as if the reddit pcgaming discord isnt right there
but imagine if we monetized the rot
hey science now would be a real good time for a quantum leap machine
daniel larusso winding up to do a crane kick in a street fight and getting immediately stabbed in the throat
indie sleaze could fix me. im pretty sure an electroclash revival could solve all the worlds problems
dune should have encouraged way more 'riding the worm' jokes. this is not the internet i was promised in 2001
the children yearn for the y-axis
fox news anchor: and we can safely say that the ICE agents are just following protocol and any escalation seems to be coming from the left [finger to ear] we can see now that the fedral necromancer division has finally arrived and have begun casting Wave of Melt Flesh and oh wow there it goes
what idiot called it hotdog water and not Frank ocean
spongebob vs predator
getting MS13 tatooed on my knuckles in size 14 calibri
the algorithm already knows you're a cunt
[watching house prices reach 15 x my annual income] haha avocado toast am i right [tucking myself into my binbag at night] hahha avacoado starbucks [being crushed under the heel of the fascist machine] abvado
they should release math 2
i like that predators hunt fairly. they just have heat vision, and infra red with laser sights. and a bazooka. and thhey're invisible
sometimes i remember the celebs singing during lockdown and i want to set fire to my legs
[whispering into george w bush's ear] sir a second girthmaster has hit onlyfans
nuked and remade my twitter under a spam email, but it lives in the downloaded archive so you can still enjoy little treats like this
hi im from youtube. would you accept $3 to eat this bucket of masonry screws
banned from r/guitarpedals by moderator GokuObama for posting again my idea for an always-on flanger
we had the opportunity for a once in a lifetime Bit and fumbled it by one day get in the game, catholicism
me (confidently, before being waterboarded): lol its just water who cares me (being waterboarded): lmao at least use hot water
DAE live in a society
[whispering to date while watching Chappie when Chappie first appears on the screen] CHICKEN JOCKEY
if the pope can die that means that other people can die. NORMAL people
YER DA WANKS ON ALL FOURS
WHY ISNT THIS POST ON REDDIT DOT COM SPECIFICALLY CATERED TO ME, THE PROTAGONIST
the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was putting no swords in blade runner. like basically not even one sword at all
waiting patiently for elon to change the name of the official white house twitter to 'GOP house'
owning the libs seems like a hell of a comittment in this economy. can i rent
grwm to go to an elsavadorean megaprison for commiting a thought crime
(cradling my newborn) aww come on now. shut the fcuk up
phoning 999 to see if they do teeth whitening
posting this 2005 years ago was prescient as FUCK
philip k dick wrote a book about every possible way we could fuck up the future except this one. the stupidest one
asking chatgpt to explain primer and causing an extinction level energy consumption event
do a second round of tariffs on 4/20 you pussy
trying a new thing where i play All Music at the same time
@teamlabouruk.bsky.social
performing the infamous 'picard maneuver' (firing data out of a torpedo tube)
waiting patiently for elon to name a spacex rocket 'pinegrove shuttle'
we should keep brexiting things until there's just one thing left to leave. brexit prime
your outie is a soyboy beta cuck
timothée chalamet Simluator
how much energy does it burn to have two AIs just talk to each other forever because i have a plan to take down russia and its so cunning you could brush your teeth with it
i yell daily at clouds that turning on the hadron colider broke reality