Share, man. Mine are public
Un-fluencer. Mostly harmless dad typing dad jokes into my dad phone. Just me: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:lcmic7aufmdzn4fdxtclgowv/feed/aaaknv3nrggu4 Sometimes I paint: www.briancaron.com
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Share, man. Mine are public
Permission granted, no theft necessary
In my house we refer to this as "the avalanche"
Lotta Ricotta
Couldn't hurt
Hold up, is this an "Aladdin's lamp" kind of wish, or a "Monkey's paw" kind of a wish
Surround myself with friends, watch football and cook good food
I see what you did there
It came without burgers! It came without ribs! It came without cutlery, napkins and bibs!!
I hope JD Vance can hold onto the nuclear football better than he did that NCAA football trophy.
I'm over pumpkin ale already.
Wow, some of these suggestions are pretty evil. I was just going to say round up all the spatulas and tongs from the townspeople and empty their propane canisters
And Scissors provide only token resistance
It's the last day of summer, people - let's make it count
Best version of Burning Down the House
It's very inside-baseball self referential Hollywood shit but yeah
Crack a window
UTC -5 4eva
You've got about 5 maybe 6 more hours then it's lights out
I'm afraid I must insist that you all only be funny during waking hours in my particular time zone.
Highly recommend
It's fungible
Everybody makes bad jokes. It's all branding; a smear campaign. We're being framed
I was checking to see if anyone replied with this
I was about to clear it
Beautiful voice
Beginning the process of finally ripping out all of the bamboo that The Previous Owner [one thousand curses be upon Them] planted. I can already tell this might be the thing that kills me or drives me insane
You get to respawn in a fresh new Saturday and do it all again
Throw the country in the shitter by electing the guy who pisses off the people I disagree with politically, as a bit
Frontspace could be creepy because you won't know what the text will say, like a ouija board message
Backspace and Delete have complementary yet opposite superpowers... Hey, they should add a key to keyboards called Frontspace that generates text one keystroke at a time... Coffee's kicking in.
For some reason when I woke up this morning I challenged myself to see if I could recite all the words to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 intro, and that was a huge mistake because now I can't stop.
So, I'm sorry if yesterday morning's "cankle-ectomy" joke offended anybody.
I don't make "fat jokes", but I do despise an evil, vain and delusional guy who happens to be fat. A dilemma. Oh, he's also old.
You guys got me all excited this morning for nuthin
Fight the sadness
Suspense
I enjoyed this: open.spotify.com/album/7qYbLl...
I'm just three wadded up trenchcoats in a trenchcoat.
I think when trump met with putin privately that time during his 1st term, putin must have been like "You've never dictatored? Oh, dude, you gotta, you GOTTA!"
Crisis of the heart at the halfway point
I bet you didn't know that The Proclaimers thought about giving up after the first 500 miles.
Me, after I plan out the coming week's meals
Ok, fine. I'm ready for fall now.
I can be a little corny about noticing "signs" from the universe, but on Friday, there was a recurring theme involving ducks, and when I encountered the third one I said to myself "That's three ducks in a row" and it stopped me in my tracks because of how ridiculous that sounded.
vividly depicted. 10/10
Cheers
You sure.... did it.
im not a "reporter" im a RAPorter. im the world's first rapping reporter. im the raporter and i'm here to say, the news is bad in a major way
And we never even bother to cut open that smaller pepper. It could go on forever
Who up voiding their warranty
Mine.
If your place of employment didn't used to have a gigantic printer nicknamed Big Bertha, what are you even doing
One side is on the wrong side of almost everything, and I'm being generous with the word 'almost'.
Oh, and Material Girl.
Electric Avenue
Scott is short for Scotthew.
+1
Imitation is the sincerest form of crabmeat.
Is it unethical to root for natural causes?
You can improve your street cred by paying off your street balance every street month
Insert minion gif going "whaaa?"
The grass is short, but the weeds are long #deepthoughts
Allston
Win win
I can pinpoint exactly what you are grilling from 1,000 feet away. I'd like a new superpower please.
Then I'll see you in the Ricotta Dimension
This fall, I'm going to do better. NARRATOR: He would not, in fact, "do better".
Weebles wobble
Assholes really having their moment in 2025.
I can't believe this is working
Please share this post
This album was dubbed onto cassette tape for me by an old dear friend and almost single handedly got me through what was a particularly depressing summer
Just listen to the whole album and thank me later
Unsolicited music share: open.spotify.com/track/5qzcQm...
These people are assholes with zero taste and zero talent
A cavalcade of Skarsgards
My conspiracy theory is that button isn't even connected to anything.
Even if my wife or kids tell a shitty joke, they still call it a "dad" joke, I'm like wtf
Rayon could be a cool name for a boy
You're very kind, thank you. I don't paint as much as I used to but I promise to share the next one.
Human artists, use only one piece to convince people to follow you.
Fck no, let him whine about it forever
Did they?
Commence weekending!
Ok, what are we talking about?
Defend your culture? Wtf
So shocking that a 78 year old man who only first heard the word 'groceries' in 2024 doesn't know what the heck he's talking about.
This is one of those whaddya call 'em -- days.
doing schtick, as a bit
Schumer should step down if for no other reason than to communicate that D's are listening and willing to change
I have impossibly high hopes for the next administration's DOJ
STUDY: Decaf Coffee Not Good
The music they are piping into this hotel lobby is annoying, unnecessarily bright and a little hungover.
Advertise your account with a gif
Huge
Looks a little drafty, but I am impressed he knows how to use painters tape
Not. Soon. Enough.