We’re all looking for the goose who did this
Noted “reputable Cubs writer.” You might know me from such tweets as there’s a drive into deep left field by Castellanos and that’ll be a home run. And so that’ll make it a 4-0 ballgame
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We’re all looking for the goose who did this
all I know is that if I killed 11 people and was working out the reason why it was totally legal to do so a day later, nobody would have any trouble calling that precisely what it was
Hello, I'm Head CBS News Person Bari Weiss. My top story tonight is that I have been silenced by cancel culture. Your TVs have been jammed and you can't change the channel. That's to prevent the Woke Left from silencing me. Our top story tomorrow will be that I am being silenced by cancel culture.
Brown managed a zero run inning. You guys might want to score a few more runs now since I’m not real confident he can do 2 of those.
marco always looked more like a third rate commercial real estate broker but now he resembles a zombie third rate commercial real estate broker look at those dead fuckin eyes
#ExtendCade
The biggest thing that sticks with me was when I watched GOT and Cersei told Ned, “You think a piece of paper will keep you safe?” That’s the constitution. It’s only not just a piece of paper if you care what is written on it. Trump doesn’t. And he’s surrounded himself with people who agree.
The number of times I was told we have a whole system to prevent this shit is staggering. Not all of it happened the way I thought, and I did underestimate the ability of the adults (shitty adults, like Spence, Bolton, etc but adults nonetheless) to hold him back. But then he got a second chance.
Not with that attitude
The silver lining, if you want to see it, is that the military might soon become too busy to occupy US cities for much longer. You have to really want to see it.
I sometimes think about how we might not have ever even heard about the Clintons outside Arkansas if W Bush hadn’t had a 90% approval rating that scared away all the major Dem candidates before the primaries and then pissed down his leg.
Texas loaded busses with desperate migrants and dropped them off in Chicago like trash in the middle of winter. We welcomed them into our communities. Now Texas is sending its National Guard to terrorize them on our streets. In our neighborhoods. What the fuck.
there’s just gonna be lots of dudes struggling to walk under the weight of all their military gear, loitering outside the wrigleyville small cheval
I thought it was 10
look, we have to know: is space force moving to alabama or not
There is a non-zero chance that they thought AI could re-animate a corpse and they are just now finding out it can't.
This is shit that Veep writers rejected because it was "too ridiculous to be plausible."
They are very strongly looking into if he's currently dead
I'm at the White House for the big announcement and we can hear someone in the back room yelling "CLEAR!" Not sure what that's about
Granted, it would be great if he was already dead, but what if he died on camera? How amazing would that be?
Probably
The President is delayed as he is currently pining for the fjords.
At 2:21…
White House staff right now 10 minutes past when this announcement was scheduled to happen.
DEBATE MODERATOR: Our next segment is called Remember Some Guys. Former Governor Cuomo, please begin. CUOMO: Alex Rodriguez? (crowd grumbling and booing; hot mic picks up someone saying "not a Guy") MAMDANI: Lucas Duda (crowd going nuts)
*Drowning out
One (nice?) thing about Trump invading Chicago with the military is that it will put Pritzker front and center and hopefully he will rise to the occasion as I think he can. And start growing out Newsom’s attention whoring.
What if I told you that you can laugh at and enjoy Newsom’s shots at the dumb orange man (which is actually done by Camille Zapata), and still be 1000% certain we don’t need to put his slimy ass up as the leading Dem candidate for 2028. Because he actually sucks and Ds can do better
Expanding the playoffs so the races are more interesting in September is really going well.
Stephen Miller tomorrow
*Tomorrow in the Oval Office* “We are Borg. Resistance is very very bad and nasty. But we are alive, in terms of talking and sitting and some walking, very much alive. MAKE AMERICA BORG. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
jordan jordon 🤝 disappointed by bill’s performance
The amount of adderall, steroids, and other stimulants that are going to be pumped into that body is going to be yuge. Maybe the most ever. We’re very strongly looking into it.
He’s running
No way. Too woke
GF: I need you to stop getting into all these conspiracy theories ME: Why? GF: Because every morning you are going to go online and be disappointed and then be in a bad mood and I can’t take that every day ME: But what if it happens? GF: ME: GF: Fair point
It ain’t going to manifest itself into happening. We have to do our part.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. When you see it, you’ll know.
Fun discussion topic: Which is currently more alive, the Cubs’ division chances or Trump?
🎶Mine mine mine mine mine mine Mine mine mine mine mine mine Mine mine mine mine miiiinnnneee🎶
🎶Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly K-E-L-L-y Why? Because he’s Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly of mine…🎶
the doctors called him in to accept the award for “most normal organs”
Walk this the fuck off now, boys. (And Phillies, don’t shit yourselves again)
Taylor Swift announced her engagement on Tuesday. And that was the last we heard from Donald Trump.
I’ve had that idea in the hopper for a LOOOOOONG time now and he’s been so shitty I haven’t had occasion to use it
🎶Mine mine mine mine mine mine Mine mine mine mine mine mine Mine mine mine mine miiiinnnneee🎶
🎶Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly K-E-L-L-y Why? Because he’s Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly of mine…🎶
There is a rooftop bar and grill where you can see the White House. You can see the snipers on the roof and stuff. So it is *plausible* it came from there, but it still doesn’t answer “why?”
I’ve been trying to figure out who got this footage. Could be with a zoom from further away than it looks like. But, like, why was someone just taking video of a a random window of the White House? So yeah, seems very likely fake
This reboot of Tales from the Crypt sucks.
Is that just a shadow or does it look like some more bruising over his eye like someone punched him in the face?
WHITE HOUSE AIDE: we need a distraction from the president being dead OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. filling an IV bag from a murky puddle near Trump National's sixth tee. "The president needs parameciums," he tells the assembled media. "It's the only treatment proven to work in real testing." His golf cart is piled high with dozens of dead birds.
Absolutely correct. The press is not going to give these fucking weird off-putting assholes near as much leniency as they have while trying to stay on Trumps “good” side. They are going to flail and implode and turn on each other like rabid wolverines.
One Weird Pee Trick That Will Change Your Life
Expert here. What happens is the generative AI you fed this to is a piece of shit that tried to extrapolate a shadow into what statistically should be flesh, while you sat there loudly saying "ENHANCE. ENHANCE." like a dipshit.
*logs on hopefully* Did it happen? Did I miss it? *scrolls timeline*
RFK Jr., driving away with Rudy Guliani tied to the roof of his car
College kickers, man. (Complimentary)
no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say rudy giuliani died from driving his car into a wall painted to look like a tunnel and all his clothes flew off in the crash and then a sixteen wheeler semi truck ran over his dick and balls. don’t say stuff like that
No
Brilliant
This is fine
Oh baby…
The best shape of his life bit makes me wonder if we could try putting him on the cover of Madden and see if that finishes him off.
Rudy Giuliani was HEROICALLY TEARING A WOMAN AWAY from the CLUTCHES of a WOLFMAN MOTORCYCLE GANG when FOREIGN TERRORISTS CRASHED his CAR and SHIT in his PANTS
with trump and giuliani edging right up to the border of death, the comedic rule of threes now screams for blood
Extension forthcoming
Congrats to Ian Happ on his one (1) clutch hit off the worst team in baseball in the most offensively friendly environment.
Rudy Giuliani happened to be in the middle of one of his favorite pastimes - RESPECTING WOMEN - when he suddenly broke every single bone in his body. Please do not call and ask any questions because his business partner is taking care of him ❤️
You’re welcome.
Oh good, it’s up to Ian Happ.
This inning is like getting 20 paper cuts on your eye.
The inability of the Cubs to ever get Orlando Arcia out is a mystery that would plague scientists for generations if the Ricketts don’t pay to have them all exterminated.
Giuliani telling his friends about what happened.
Ok but how’s the car
Seiya it is so!
Put To Sleepy Joe and Kicked The Bucket Hillary might be more dead. I don’t know. We’re very strongly looking into it. PERFECT LIVING! Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Can we just wait until Don is dead instead?
Oh no not Tom Cosgrove!
Trump's contribution to our politics was exposing that conservatives don't care about any of the principles they've said are sacrosanct for 100 years, and all they wanted was to be openly evil instead of circuitously evil. The Democrats who win will be the ones who understand this and act like it
Pritzker out here giving a master class in countering the right wing propaganda machine’s efforts to justify further federal invasions and occupations of American cities: he’s effectively reframing the discussion (beyond debates re: crime rates) to one of rising authoritarianism & federal overreach.
I love that @govpritzker.illinois.gov keeps hitting about how Trump is basically functionally illiterate.
People really just need to laugh in their faces when they say nonsense like this.
Somehow looks worse than yesterday.
Oh god. If only.
NOW IS THE TIME WHEN WE DANCE
Small dick energy
Chicago arming themselves with sandwiches of mass destruction for the impending invasion of the feds.
At this point, I’m not sure the Cubs could score off of me pitching to them.
Muff Moniak
I’m sure all the men left on base won’t come back to haunt the Cubs
Why don’t you send everyone proof of life first? (Either way, Chicago doesn’t want you here)
I think seeing how working for a small newspaper turns someone into a general for the First Order could be funny.
Just saw someone refer to Cheryl Hines as The Marvelous Mrs. Measles and 💀💀💀💀💀💀
What did Donny shoot today? Anyone get any photos or video of him taming the links?