Sports events got a better quality of streaker in the 1970s and 1980s. Everyone enjoyed the sight of a police constable covering a naked man's penis with his helmet.
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Sports events got a better quality of streaker in the 1970s and 1980s. Everyone enjoyed the sight of a police constable covering a naked man's penis with his helmet.
I think we can all agree, now the hysteria has well and truly died down, that pulled pork is shit.
Every UK retail corporation, with annual profits in the hundreds of millions, who ask for a charity donation at the till should be required by law to match each and every donation.
Car number plates using the new, narrower typeface introduced in 2001 have no place in films or TV dramas set before this date, and yet they're always there.
Driving a car to and then parking correctly at the dump/recycling centre should be in the national driving test. It would get rid of some shocking drivers
There's no better way at telling me you're selling snake oil than using an influencer with a 20% discount code. If you make me pay full price I'm less inclined to think it's dodgy
The golden arches at McDonald's are actually yellow
Just wiping your bum with toilet paper is a bit weird. If you get shit on any other part of your body, you wouldn't wipe it with paper and leave it at that, you'd wash it.
Microsoft should keep Windows 10 and 11 running as parallel products. Windows 11 for people who like constant AI slop and bullshit-bloat crammed into their GUI, and Windows 10 for people who don't. I bet they would make a lot of money on both offerings.
Music streaming sites should display an icon if the song playing is a cover, which can be clicked on to hear the original.
Charging ports should be at the top of phones instead of the bottom.
If you're middle-aged, fat, and you smoke and drink, who the fuck do you think is going to give you health insurance if your pal Farage gets in and demolishes the NHS?
The 'findomme' phenomenon on NSFW social media is ridiculous. If you want to give lots of money in return for the promise but withholding of sexual favours just get married.
Leicestershire cheese. Butter. Splosh of Worcestershire sauce. Stick in the microwave and let it "bubble" until almost burned. Allow to cool slightly. Now you have a chewy cheese medallion to snack on any time of the day. This needs to be in cook books. Might write my own.
Compartmentalised train carriages should be brought back. The door should be released only to persons who have reserved those seats. Nobody else should be able to get in.
Gas engineers are superheros. If I was responsible for putting gas through pipes and them not leaking I'd have died in a gas explosion decades ago.
Wrestlers are the best in the world at working with a crowd. They play the audience like an instrument. Comedians and world leaders have got nothing on them.
The proliferation of super-white, straight teeth really spoils television or movies set in the past. Just how did that 15th century peasant get them that straight on a diet of offal and crap bread?
One of the saddest things on social is people commenting on AI slop or stolen content without any clue that it's either of those things. It's like seeing people fall for spam emails. It's depressing.
If the Treasury is the Slytherin of government departments, then MHCLG, DSIT, HMRC, and DfT are the Hufflepuffs. FCDO is Ravenclaw.
You say you are setting up a D&D campaign set in a bustling city rich with political intrigue and Machiavellian-esque plots, and there is always one cunt that comes to the table wanting to play a Druid. Read the fucking room, Tom.
Just heard that 60%+ of dogs in the UK are now obese. We're so fat that other species are catching it off us by osmosis.
Computer gaming peaked with Hacker II: The Doomsday Papers. No other game comes close for tension and adrenaline-fuelled excitement. Sure, the graphics are dated, what with the game being almost 40 years old, but the gameplay is second to none.
There's something very medieval about festivals. Humans all gathering in a field to see someone play a stringed instrument and sing
A litre of petrol should cost no less than £5. I know you'll think I'm a joyless prick for saying that but so be it. The world is literally on fire and we're sharting fossil fuels into the atmosphere like they're free and harmless.
Those People's Postcode Lottery adverts seem to be attracting bigger, more recognisable names now. I can't work out whether it's because the campaign is getting a bigger budget, or if those celebrities' careers are on the skids.
If you could give one book to a stranger from another country that would best summarise British culture and educate them in our ways, then Viz's 'Profanisaurus' is that book.
A new "Logical Reasoning" GCSE should become part of the mandatory national curriculum and be required for any job in the same way that Maths and English GCSEs are required.
If you swap the genders in a song when covering it, you're a coward.
Someone should use copyright law to crack down on people playing music out loud in public. It's a public broadcast without the proper rights
Tebay services is the most overhyped place in the country. Yes, it's better than most other service stations, but that's not exactly a high bar. What it actually is is a fairly standard farm shop except everything is triple the price.
The number of jokes on Penguin biscuit packets is pathetic. My nephews and neices don't bother reading them anymore as they know all the answers.
Planning applications should be done by people at the opposite end of the country to you, so the people judging can make a decision with an honest and unbiased viewpoint, rather than with their nimby hats on.
Unicode should add all of the "sevenths" fractions. We only have "⅐". I need four-sevenths, darn it.
Funny how so many people are convinced that posting a sarcastic comment about the rise of fascism is doing their bit to stop it.
Ralph Bakshi's 1978 film version of The Lord of the Rings is unfairly overlooked. In terms of its artistic direction, surreal horror and sheer ambition, it makes Peter Jackson's films look like an episode of fucking Teletubbies.
The more UK supermarkets shout that their prices are pegged to Aldi's the more I realise I should be shopping at Aldi.
Interesting that there were no apologies from all the people who said that the Elizabeth Line would be a white elephant and a total waste of money. Despite this, we've allowed their opinions to ruin HS2 and basically guarantee it's failure
Disney's destruction of the Marvel and Star Wars brands will be future case studies in business schools about buying a brand without understanding who the customers are, and the impact to revenues when annoying the loyal customer base.
Football punditry should be done by university lecturers, not ex footballers. Lecturers can critically appraise the match & present rational evidence based arguments & citations for their analysis of the match, player and referee performance. Trust me this is a winning formula.
"I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy". Oh fuck off wouldn't you. I even wish it upon people I found mildly irritating that day.
The worst example of a little bit of power going to someone's head are the fast food employees who strictly enforce the one dip per meal policy.
BBQ season should be in the winter. Standing over a fire cooking in the hot summer months is complete madness.
Getting AI to write your code and then firing most of your coders is so, so stupid. I know management wankers don't know any different, but downsizing for AI is a disaster in waiting. I for one have zero sympathy for all the managers that are about to lose their livelihoods.
If you want a tattoo but can't decide what to have, then you don't want a tattoo. You're just following the crowd.
I love Diane Morgan: a national treasure who deserves all the money and success we can throw at her. But who in their right mind is hiring the voice of Philomena Cunk for radio adverts?
Replying to a social media post with "You alright, hun?", "Who hurt you?" or "I bet you're fun at parties!" may have been witty once, but now it's as stale as Mrs Brown's Boys.
People should learn to drive in the most basic car possible, without driver aids such as parking sensors, reversing camera etc. in order to understand what to do when something goes wrong with the tech when actually driving
Texting someone 'what's the craic' once a month is not enough to sustain a friendship.
Kids who are recorded bursting into tears when being presented with a new puppy have watched way too much social media. The correct response is to be delighted and happy, not to act as if you've just been told you have terminal cancer.
Going to the beach is joyless. Always too windy. Salty air making you feel grim. Sand sticking to you. A nightmare. Go to a nice park instead.
The best thing Noel Fielding has done in his career isn't Great British Bake Off, it's his song 'I Did a Shit on Your Mum'.
Drama teachers are similar to PE teachers. It's all about marshalling hyperactive kids through physical activities while realising your dream of being a professional athlete/actor has long gone.
Oscar winning' film is its own specific genre, usually characterised by being long, boring and generally forgettable. Most of the films we actually enjoy watching never even get a nomination.
All identical twins should be tattooed with a visible mark on the back of their hand so they can be differentiated.
On the train. Just watched a mum take the phone of her kid & put a book in her hands. Kid was stroppy at first but then just accepted defeat and began to read the book. Was going so well until she tried turning the page by swiping it like a social media feed. Humanity is fucked.
Petrol stations should not be allowed to display any branding. Instead, like tobacco, they should be plastered in massive grim pictorial health warnings, and only show their company name in a small nondescript font underneath.
No film sequels have missed the entire point of their original as much as Rambo.
I don't care what anyone says, the world went to shit when monkeys stopped advertising T-bags
South London postcodes should only be south of the river. The fact that Kensington is SW1 but north of the river is ridiculous.
The end refrain in Hey Jude is one of music's crowning achievements - simply glorious in every respect. It's overplayed of course but that shouldn't distract from its brilliance.
The worst photo on a dating app profile will be closest to what the person looks like in real life.
I bet that none of those YouTube lockpickers could do a wooden lock from ancient Egypt. All their modern techniques wouldn't work on the more robust scale of something carved from wood.
Some men don't like tattoos on women because you have to be over 18 to get one.
Frozen 2 is just an elaborate propaganda vehicle for homeopathy and should be labelled as such on all merchandise.
You don't need an emoji after every noun. I don't need to read "I put the dog 🐶 in the car 🚗". This isn't a picture book. I can keep track.
Sussing out a potential life partner? Ask them how often they buy a new pack of dish sponges. Almost never = they are smelly. Once a week = clean freak. One pack of 10 every 1-2 months is probably normal for a single person who actually cooks and does dishes.
Microsoft's Clippy didn't deserve all the abuse he got. He was only trying to help. You could even disable him at any time if he got too irritating, which is more than you can say about a lot of modern software features.
The worst kind of parenting advice is from childless people who will try and compare your child to their pet.
Avocados are pricks. You gently ask them for days to see if they are ripe and they always cry they aren't ready. Finally they give you a tiny window of opportunity to eat them and if it's not convenient for you then they have a shit fit and go off. They need to grow the fuck up.
This is niche but, in Portugal if you want a beer it's either Sagres or SuperBock. However it's become a bit like the grey/red squirrel thing in UK. Sagres is better but it's being pushed out by the other more invasive and adaptable one
Fancy running a 5-star, 24 hour complaints service for the rest of your life, for free? Become a parent.
Hamlet ends too suddenly. The play goes on for pushing four hours but everyone dies all of a sudden on the last page.
Across the streaming platforms there are too many things to watch. They should either stop making new things for 2 years, or give us all 6 months off work to catch up on everything.
We didn't really see the flag of St George when I was a kid. It was all Union Jacks at the Coronation and Silver Jubilee etc. . It's a modern thing rather than a long-standing British tradition.
Bill Oddie is a criminally underrated vocalist. Find "Custard Pie" by The Goodies, the man could belt a song out with the best of them.
Queen Elizabeth II was the last proper monarch the UK will ever have. It's time to get rid of the monarchy. It's over.
I'm a writer. AI replacing copy writers or writing essays for students, etc. does not bother me. This was bound to happen. What does bother me -- keeps me up at night, in fact -- is how AI has given the em dash a bad name.
Releasing Alien Earth in summer makes it near unwatchable. Daytime TV glare makes watching a show where the main colours are dark grey, black, and black damn near impossible. By the time the sun has set, I am very tired. Yes, I know curtains exist.
Any nation that reaches the point where they feel the need to deem it "normal" to have to install security locks, metal detectors, bulletproof glass, and panic rooms in schools is a failure.
The man, it's always a man, who "whoops" at the seminal moment in Roads on Portishead Live Roseland NYC album, absolutely ruins the finest live recording ever made. He is a complete and utter cunt.
We need a global market in civil servants. A few have always headed off to the UN or, previously, the EU. But we should be accepting the best civil servants from across the world and returning the favour with the best of ours. As long as the competition is for competence.
Supermarkets are best navigated back to front. Head to the far end to fill the trolley up with heavy bottles, tins and cereal boxes first, then work your way back aisle-by-aisle to the easily-squashed fruit and veg at the start.
People and companies with .io domains: if you don't care about the people of Diego Garcia then I don't care about your website.
As a parent I loathe Bluey. I looooathe it. Smug parents with unrealistically massive houses, gardens and reserves of time to play constantly with their kids, which apparently is the only way to parent if you don't want to fail them. Fuck off Bluey.
We need some new swear words. The old ones are getting fucking boring.
Everything our parents worried the internet would do to us they've ended up letting happen entirely to themselves.
Burgers are better than steaks.
If your news content teaches you that Keir Starmer is somehow personally responsible for a woman committing a crime, pleading guilty, and going to prison then it's probably not news at all, it's propaganda.
So many films and tv dramas show a lone person attending a funeral, but choosing to watch it surreptitiously from behind a nearby tree. I can't think of anything else so regularly depicted on screen which probably never happens in the real world?
330ml is the optimum beer serving volume. 440ml is too large. The industry need to accept this
Of all the many, many crimes commited in the service of TV advertising, the worst by a long chalk was the KFC ad where people attepted to talk, in close-up, with their mouths crammed FULL of the 'product'. Who the hell signed that off. Still makes me shudder years later.
Slapping an itch is better than scratching it
If big corporations have siloed the internet into their big subscription based walled gardens, then the Online Safety Act is the guy going around locking all the doors.
"Wikipedia is not a reliable source" has been rammed down our throats for years, but given the ridiculously strict modding on their it mostly is. Sure you wouldn't use it for an academic or research piece but for day to day use it's 99.9% accurate. AI on the other hand.
I'm a solicitor. Too many people make the mistake of not recording anything during redundancy procedures. Many redundancies do not follow the correct legal procedures, but unless you're recording everything you have no way to prove it in a tribunal. HR are not your friends.
Dates should really be written Year/Month/Day. It should start wide and then narrow down.
Opening credits should always be right at the start of a TV programme - none of this 7 minutes in nonsense.
The most unrealistic part of The Bill was that nobody had a nickname for Sgt Cryer and his enormous conk.
'Secret Santa' is probably the largest contributor to landfill.