It’s almost as if Cruz doesn’t own a mirror. 🤔
Like an everything bagel, I’m only here for those with taste.
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It’s almost as if Cruz doesn’t own a mirror. 🤔
That’s what happens when you don’t skip thigh day. You get stuck in between cars.
I bought two blocks of unexpected cheddar so one block could live up to its name.
Contradictory religious takes are my favorite.
Why do we live in this timeline????
Someone just leak the Epstein files already.
Day 12,775 of trying to figure out why.
Just remember that someone out there is impressed by your excel spreadsheet and just didn’t say anything.
No one mourns it
Alien showing us why masks might work.
Every original thought was a skeet first.
Missile strike on a boat? Try that in a small town.
It’s always the people who have never visited or lived in Chicago that have an opinion.
If I didn’t suck I’d be elsewhere. Yet here I am on the internets.
As Bowling for Soup would sing “high school never ends.”
Mr. Peace has now attacked two separate countries while supporting multiple wars.
We will get GTA VI before the Epstein files.
All my bangers are thought of and forgotten while driving.
Every stitch, every detail.
Nothing more painful than sitting in traffic only to realize you left your donut on the counter.
Laboring on Labor Day
I hate that I have to ask “why?” On a daily basis.
Now I can’t finish because I’m thinking about which way it should happen.
That’s why I hug it occasionally
Big fan of this being real
Humans are odd
I’d finally go buy a flag.
Molly this is no time to flex your 7 DMs
6.7 IMDb rating
Getting Pizza Hut for dinner like it’s 1999
My wife is off today and my dogs still choose to hang out with me in the home office. I AM THE FAVORITE!!!!
Why do they think we can hear announcements via helicopter?
It could happen tomorrow! It’s Friday after all!
Micah Parsons to the Packers instantly makes them Super Bowl contenders. I don't care what they gave up: It was worth it.
Did not have the Packers spending money on my bingo card 😳 GPG!
Violence might be the answer?
stop scrolling and post two characters who bring you joy and happiness
They said “ruin a book” not “improve.”
It’s just the face people make when they see dogshit.
It’s been 17 years since my campus shooting and nothing has changed. We continue to head in the wrong direction as a society.
Yes! Please don’t!
DO NOT PUT CHILDREN ON TV TALKING ABOUT A SHOOTING THEY JUST LIVED THROUGH The media who do this are heartless bastards
No promises coffee cup. No promises.
Actually it’s bad Jeans. It will be Sydney Sweeney’s fall Ad for Jeans.
Same
Grill & Chill > Netflix & Chill
Guess you could say I’m “bricked up!” *Dad who just purchased a pallet of bricks
Well then process of elimination would say it’s cake.
All of us must have been awful people.
I blame Hollywood for my expectations being so high.
People finding out that film is better than digital will always be comical to me.
Disappointment and satisfaction all in one video.
God actually caused 9/11 because of the ten commandments not being posted up in schools. Gays were just the secondary reason.
Jokes aren’t as funny if everyone sees the punchline coming.
All that he’s missing now is the purse and the cane!
The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly
Is it time to start panic buying toilet paper again?
I could really use the “my shirts fuck, but I sure don’t!” confidence from 2003.
How else are you supposed to clean up?
Agreed. We weren’t just all randomly burning flags. Always about the misdirection of focus.
I love working while America continues to crumble!
Your mortal enemy is the voice inside your head.
I sang this: “I’m all out of fucks. I’m so lost with out one…”
Silent Hill 2 PS2
Just try to get it off your chest.
Quit pretending that isn’t your number. We know it’s you!
Life is short. Argue on the internet.
Well call them Jerry articles.
If your rascal dies at Disney, you die in real life.
Who called it arson and not crime brulee?
Keep a lookout for my carrier pigeon.
Ass so swampy it’s a microclimate.
Guys, I think God might be disappointed in us.
Operator’s are standing by waiting for your call!
I Can't Believe It's Not Better™
At this point, death in 2028 sounds pretty good.
Accidentally walked into a Mexican restaurant instead of the gym. It’s not my fault they are right next to each other.
Horrifying if real..finger sandwiches
Crime-ing in plain sight, as per usual. LOOK OVER HERE 👀 AND DON'T #RELEASEtheEPSTEIN_FILES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New TV show idea: RFK Jr. goes into Health Centers and Bar Rescue style shuts them the fuck down!
All for one and none for all
Super Christ XP35 Wafer Blaster
My black mirror is a cup of coffee.
I’m still in the McDonald’s play place tube window, waiting for my mom to wave back at me.
Wanna read a book about it?
I’m more PFAS than microplastics.
Diversity is beautiful.
Staring Jergens!
Sometimes you have to just make fire for yourself.
Taxes
Cracker Barrel really said “how can we let customers know our food is ass?”
Maybe one day we could wake up to an unfucked world.
1. Buy some pickles and a ball 2. Remove the pickles but keep the juice 3. Place the ball in the pickle juice 4. Wait a week until its a pickle ball 5. Find a court and pickle away
How much longer do I need to hold my horses?
Yeah but it’s not the heat that’ll getcha. It’s the humidity!
Yelp review of the local dive bar: ⭐️ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ Misleading business! Went for an hour and no diving events! Won’t be returning!
Wife: we should participate in some social events. Me: oh! We could join prayer circles. Wife: Nevermind
That was not fan interference at all in the Padres game.