The priest: *walks into the church 45 minutes before one of our biggest services of the year* Me, immediately: "I need you to make me some Holy Water." The priest: "...Why do you nee... Actually. No. I know better than to ask. Where's the water?"
You can be when I'm gone. She/her/oi you.
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The priest: *walks into the church 45 minutes before one of our biggest services of the year* Me, immediately: "I need you to make me some Holy Water." The priest: "...Why do you nee... Actually. No. I know better than to ask. Where's the water?"
Why can’t I help thinking the answer is ‘you won’t, it’ll be raining’?
as for longer term, may I point you at Ireland which was a couple of generations later? *and* the Crusades? Lot of third generation Normans involved in that.
People are melting down at a Tribune article about CHSD 230 considering adding Arabic to its language learning electives. I wasted time in the comments, which I normally avoid doing since it's useless and awful, but it led to possibly the funniest thing anybody's ever said to me about France.
Yes, it’s a BMW. What else would it be? #WorldBollardAssociation 🤭
night night Hookland.
Goodnight from Sadie Helm reflecting that it’s her ex-boyfriends lookout for not connecting her request for a lock of his hair and her interest in sorcery. Goodnight from Kim Roseworthy, walking barefoot across the ford at Little Char to wash away any lingering bad luck. Goodnight from Hookland.
Man down.
You wouldn't assume the reptile house employees would need their own dedicated HR team. You'd be wrong.
To get to Woking you take a train from Waterloo.
Graham Greene (1952–2025)
I'm all in favour of dumping them in Falmouth Harbour. Bet they're really good at swimming, these racist types. Well known for it.
There are enough James Bond films
Somebody is throwing things out of a window of the White House wtaf
#TodayInQueerHistory September 1 (2017) Model and activist Munroe Bergdorf is fired from L'Oréal after a private Facebook post in which she expressed her exhaustion from dealing with racial violence. In 2020, Bergdorf was appointed to the make-up brand's Diversity and Inclusion Advisory board.
"One time," my neighbour said, "my dog escaped and chased a car down the road." "Did he catch it?" "No, he didn't." My neighbour scratched his chin. "What are you gonna do?" We looked from my proud dog to the chicken-legged hut he'd somehow corralled into the yard. "Dunno. Leave the country?"
Not to mention the cornish flag is *everywhere*. I think the perpetrators are getting hunted down by local Facebook as we speak.
I was absolutely waiting for this. The only time the cornish tolerate the english flag is during sporting events.
well on the one hand it's bad for democracy and social cohesion that Keir Starmer is trying to appeal to the racists by pretending to be one of them, but on the other hand it's not actually working and the racists still don't want to vote for him
Today’s good news!
New naked gun, k-pop demon hunters, reality, the monkey, at eternity's gate.
Have turned gas off at main switch down in entrance hall so you must put it back on if you require any gas. Don't forget to light pilot lights - don't use water heater in kitchen. Haven't told girls downstairs you're coming. Had good nosh at hole in the wall.
Met Office stats confirm summer 2025 is officially the warmest summer on record for the UK. The UK’s mean temp of 16.10°C surpasses the previous record of 15.76°C and pushes the summer of 1976 out of the top 5 warmest summers. www.metoffice.gov.uk/about-us/new...
One of the asylum hotels is, in fact, at the end of my street and it's fine? It's on my way to the pub and like it's a hotel where people who deserve better are being housed? The only issue is how they deserve better.
My latest cartoon for @newscientist.com 👽 p.s. You can preorder my new book of science here: www.tomgauld.com/comic-books-v2
Xx
Discworld QOTD, from Men at Arms
Starmer has appointed a former trustee of Sex Matters as Number 20's director of communications. Every day this Labour Government declares itself my enemy and the ally of international authoritarianism.
I remember thinking "wow it's good he's in charge, he's an intelligent, competent and basically decent person" so I'd just like to apologise to anyone who has ever listened to me and advise you never to do so again.
I should fucking hope so because the shrinks have had ownership of it it for decades and were no further along honestly?
Annd fainted again. Cue workmate being an arsehole about me pulling out my phone to note date of fainting because i was still behind the bar and there was yelling.
'Tis the season 🍁 Prints: www.ciaraioch.com/artprints/p/...
We thought the one in reading was just a bus stop that got discontinued until pokemon go happened.
i love how the minute someone from abroad talks shit about the British and their curries, we're closer to war than at any point since the 1980s
Bet this card reaches you in September.
Phew.
On 1 September 1920, crusading editor R A Bennett wrote to Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Basil Thomson to alert him to a fearsome threat to public morality – indeed to the very fabric of society itself. What was it? A slim publication featuring essays, poetry and lonely hearts adverts
Can we please also apply this reform?
What would great is if everyone just acted like he was dead anyway. Publish obituaries. Just act like he isn’t there anymore. Front it out like they did with the whole “We won the election” thing. Think how furious that would make him.
'why don't you wear latex gloves for job x? You won't get as sticky.' 'when they make them in child size, sure,'
It's when the tourist and teenagers fuck off.
What do you do when all that's left is the Life Model Decoy? Posted for no reason at all. Why?
This is part of the 'anything is American food if you can buy it in America, but it's only British if it has bad teeth and the Tudors ate it' bullshit that permeates bsky
The assumption that citizens of Northern European countries must be white is frustratingly strong over here.
Americans having Wrong Opinions on English Food will always be the best Bluesky.
Oh, Evri, a whole 22 minutes between “your parcel is out for delivery” and “we weren’t able to deliver your parcel“ must be a new record?
Acab, so paramedics or the classic firemen?
You do wonder how long this search for The Guy Who Can Make This Palatable will go on before they realise that actually no one can sell "we're going to make things worse, freeze or arrest your nan and do massive racism" from the Labour Party because that's simply not what people want from it?
Hang out in the coffee shops of Falmouth to snare tourists?
starmer reshuffling his cabinet on transfer deadline day raises the very real possibility of manchester united paying £65m to sign yvette cooper
every new thing we learn about this series gets funnier to be honest. I think they should be forced to keep making it at all costs even if the 3rd series has to be done on the same production budget as the Potter Puppet Pals. The werewolf is just somebody's labrador.
Hollywood knows two people of short stature.
This is what failed Republican policies look like. #VoteThemOut
And this morning the Shed is an embroidered design upon an old school blazer, depicting a shed against a scroll bearing a Latin inscription…
i've led firefighter familiarization training at particle accelerators and while they are absolute labyrinths, at least they had preplans and signage lol
trying to imagine firefighters getting dispatched to this house and the absolute nightmare that would be
Uh oh. At a bar in Atlanta and just heard a bless her heart deployed.
*passes over espresso*
and lest we forget, this is 19th century France, a double murder is basically just a tuesday
STUDENT, NOT DOCTOR, READ THE GODDAMNED BOOK
Gail Simone is a fictional character that is referenced in comics like these. She's very entertaining and so cheeky! You could never get away with what she says in real life, though.
Obsessed with images of a giant promotional statue of King Kong that accidentally caught fire
Interesting. I noped out quite soon because i just got bored of the posturing. Due to the same reason of 'met these people'.
Daily bunny no.3064 has been waiting for an hour!
How many Marketing Directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? So far we know it’s more than one.
1st September 2025 06.21
me today
I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1635
An important reminder for a Monday morning: don't work too hard, management will just reward you with more work 👍🏛️🍑 #MuseumBums Sisyphus, doomed to forever roll his boulder up a mountain, on a 510BCE amphora from Greece, now at the British Museum
So people who’ve fled death & torture are going to be denied the chance to live with their families- who may themselves consequently be exposed to the same dangers- and I’d suggest not a single Reform voter will vote Labour as a result while other Labour voters will abandon them in disgust
I love how so many americans know pingu but aren't aware of Feathers McGraw.
Lost Property Announcement: Any jewelry not claimed by next Friday will be distributed among the magpies, who are redecorating.
Whoever broke into the mongoose enclosure, gave them all tiny leather jackets and mohawks then changed the sign to “Sneerkats:” respect.
Again, we apologize to the river witch for accidentally using her cauldron for the Sunday brunch lobster bisque. Please turn our chef back into a human.
But King Shark is.
this whole fraud is going to be really funny years from now, in hindsight, but it's mostly just infuriating now
Discworld QOTD, from The Wee Free Men “‘Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it.’ ‘No, actually it isn't,’ said Tiffany. ‘Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.’”
do you remember the super villain's code of conduct? (my legions of henchmen will wear clear face shields, etc) every time I see Hollywood do this I start yelling 'but what of Timmy's step-dad and his devoted service?'
I would really really fucking like for this wooziness to stop, thanks. Also, no fainting before drs appt on thursday? please?
It's very simple. The people costing all the money, are the people with all the money. Not the people with hardly any money. It really shouldn't need explaining.
It's good enough to make lots of things people are fine using for free but not to make anything specific people want to buy, and I don't think the gap between those is resolvable by improving the models. (Since "doing this saves me money" is baked into the appeal)
The reason I'm getting more confident that these things aren't inevitable (or only via a gotcha! deception strategy or existing celebrity) is that genAI *has* taken off rapidly in lots of other areas where space-filling content is 'required' - spam, content mills, clip art, wall-filling pics, etc
once again I'm begging journalists when writing a piece about a thing to quote people from the area or who use the service. If you're talking about a company / trend in the UK why are you quoting people in New York?
There has so far been no AI generated bestselling book. No AI generated hit record. No AI generated blockbuster film or TV show. No evidence yet in fact that there is any commercial demand at all for individual AI generated artworks. But there HAVE been 1,000 pieces about how inevitable they are
I can’t find the lie in this.
nothing like seeing a job with a deadline of midnight and then finding out it's a 'no cvs, please complete application form'. WHAT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE. Also you shouldn't have to include your secondary school education if you're over 21.
*crab-walked
Robin Smith
yep. was rather brilliant.
Life is about finding balance. For every hour you spend drinking a boozy milkshake and reading a good book, spend an equal amount of time reading a good book and drinking a boozy milkshake. It's that simple.
We have got three baby seagulls.
Also burning of certain tourists. There's a store of the really annoying ones in the cave just above high tide. Night night hookland.
Ellie Made It 
luke steuber 