Lol I did in fact see this on Thanksgiving with my brother and sister-in-law, what a night.
Senior Writer- Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; Author- How to Fight Presidents; Co-Host- Quick Question with Soren and Daniel
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Lol I did in fact see this on Thanksgiving with my brother and sister-in-law, what a night.
I WANT TO MAKE MY FEET DIFFERENT
"and and" fucking aced the Moron Quiz right out the gate, way to go.
I would like more quizzes to take, just little quizzes to take and and get scores and do well.
I and ALL OF THE CONSTITUENTS in my voting bloc are TIRED of PISSING.
There are too many apps.
Cullen is the only funny person left.
Obviously don't ask a child or a dracula-- and don't ask anyone if you're weird-- but should be fine for everyone else.
It should be okay to ask a stranger behind you in line at the grocery store to scratch your back.
last night, at 2:17 am, all the neighborhood pups ran to my house and no one knows why. Except me, the 2:17 Smoocher.
I changed my mind this is the most important thing.
Not the most important thing but we figured out commercial timing 300 years ago & YouTube ad breaks are so bad it almost seems purposeful.
I think there’s value in making a segment of your creative output as unprofitable as you can. There’s so much pressure about turning your hobby into a side-hustle; try making at least some of it un-hustle-able.
*Catch 22 voice* Hey SeBULBA Gettin' kinda pod in here.
Inside sunglasses, smoke rising up from below frame. "The fucking critics don't know shit." Ruined jacket. That's the energy.
No one will ever make a doc about me but if they do I am requesting someone show up with John-Mellencamp-in-Billy-Joel-Doc Energy.
Lots of hyper-specific similarities in Mission Impossible: Final Reckoning and Happy Gilmore 2, not sure what to do with these thoughts.
ITS FLAT FUCK FRIDAY ROLL THE CLIP
HOT BILLY JOEL SUMMER
scar and zazu are the only animals in the pridelands with a british accent, did they go to the same high school
I guess I just don't believe that he would wish another person "Happy Birthday."
FINE I'll rewatch Michael Clayton.
last night i had a dream i was eating a giant marshmallow and when i woke up i just laid there for a while worrying about money
It’s not a bad thing, I’m just saying that at some point we need to have a CONVERSATION about how much Shea Whigham works.
aI iS cOmInG fOr YoUr JoBs
I like that sometimes on Full House The Beach Boys showed up for an Event but sometimes it’s just The Beach Boys are hungry & at our house.
Jersey Shore for life.
Piece made me genuinely lol, a whole-ass article about Seaside T-shirts as if they aren't exclusively for 16-year-olds trying to look edgy.
What’s everybody hummin’ when they’re walking around the house these days, I’m doin’ “Beep bop boop, beepin’ boopity bop."
Spinning my phone in my hand before putting it in my pocket like I'm Revolver Ocelot
Genuinely shocked at the difference between the photo I took before my passport appointment and the photo that the lady took in the office. I genuinely think they use certain equipment as a prank.
Rejecting (?) offers (???) and then the studio CAME BACK (?!?!?)
I've been writing professionally since 2007 and I have no idea how this industry works. www.theringer.com/2025/06/20/m...
Whoever handled branding for roosters did an incredible job convincing people they only crow ONCE in the MORNINGS.
frasier: niles did you see the world's two worst people are fighting? niles: i didn't know maris's mother was in town
New reading list is out in case you don't subscribe to the free annoying newsletter I do. open.substack.com/pub/danielob...
I never know who we're mad at on here.
Scrotal would be a good Pokemon name if it wasn't already another thing.
Jason weirdly didn't make this clear in his initial post but he's talking about Fozzy Bear.
Chewbonka, the Bigfoot from “Star War” and “Harry and the Hendersons.” Hashtag Star war day
Almost forgot. www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzZa...
Everyone should go see Sinners in a big theater full of people, BYE.
It's not, all of my favorite doctors are fighting. :(
Having spent the last few months with various doctors, the one thing doctors seem to agree on is all the other doctors are wrong and dumb!
Oh shit oh fuck
Don't think I'll ever nail the spelling of silhouette in one go. Just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me.
Would a more responsible patient tell them? Maybe! Would a better doctor ask? Definitely.
Interesting that not a single doctor can tell what’s wrong with my stomach just because I haven’t disclosed how many gummy bears I eat.
*Noah Wyle steels himself, wipes his eyes, puts on a brave face* "Heeey, Daniel. I hear we're having some withdrawals. Well, don't worry, we're gonna take real good care of you, okay?" *looks at other doctors, a shadow drops over his face, devastated by another patient he can't save*
When this season wraps next week I’m going to crash HARD and everyone’s going to have to deal with me.
Thursday morning to Wife: It’s Pitt Day! Later to Wife: Look honey we’re watching The Pitt! Friday to Wife: Can’t wait for next Pitt Day!
New newsletter today for the book readers. danielobrien.substack.com/p/daniel-obr...
What are three emotions that would make a good movie I’ll go first Scared Stupid Earnest
I appreciate this but-- and I know this will sound so specific it borders on delusional-- I'm talking about a *different* version.
I would like there to be a new episode of The Pitt every single day for the rest of my life.
You can hear a free sample of my first book THE CLIMB here, and purchase a written or audiobook version at the Small Beans Patreon shop! soundcloud.com/user-6825321...
I don't know anything about stocks-- is that good?
We call ghosts “crazy” for walking around in sheets all the time but has anyone tried it what if it’s nice
🥹
This monologue becomes infinitely funnier if you read it in the voice of Elle Woods on her first day at Harvard Law
pagliacci: but doctor... i AM pagliacci doctor: then shut the fuck up
BOOK PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS. If you have been holding out on getting my new one or have been waiting to steal a copy, TOMORROW SUNDAY MARCH 2 the ebook goes on sale for three bucks on all platforms. But that's a one-day sale, then inflation will rise again as if from the dead
Can’t believe how badly Liberty Mutual fumbled the goodwill they accidentally built with the “Liberty Biberty” Guy.
Incredible time to be alive. www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nf-...
“Rats”
“After that, he has a protein bar for breakfast and typically goes for a six-mile run.” “A health nut. Impressive.” “Unless it’s raining, windy, too cold, or too hot.” “So… on average… ballpark, would you say—” “Roughly 1.5 times per month he runs.”
Lo siento, QUE the fuck?
Sorry-- WHAT the fuck, Duolingo?
Ranger Noah voice "It's not THAT weird."
“My assumption is that he thinks, Green, that counts as salad.” listen, that's -- I -- green is salad, though. Green salad. Is green, is salad. You shut up with this.
Genuine thrill to say "My first for McSweeney's!"
Resharing for a great family that still needs help and is almost at their goal. www.gofundme.com/f/help-holly...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aB6n...
Watching all of Sopranos with my wife who has never seen and her early reviews are in: “Everyone’s so Italian.”
Longtime Cracked costume designer and all-around great person who lost their home, if you have the means to give. www.gofundme.com/f/help-alex-...
Rosie ran video with me at Cracked and I've hung with Miles on and off TDZ for years! My heart breaks, please help if you can, spread the word if you can't. www.gofundme.com/f/support-th...
My friends Holly and Will and their two daughters lost everything in the Eaton fire. Please consider donating even a small amount to help them rebuild their lives. Thank you. gofund.me/69390aff
It's getting classy in the DoggzZone. This week @seanbaby.bsky.social and @brockway.bsky.social welcome Emmy winner @danielobrien.bsky.social to discuss some extremely cursed media, an airline safety video that includes rap and interpretive dance. soundcloud.com/1900hotdog/d...
it kicks ass that we've fully moved on from a model of internet success based on organically developing an audience who rewards you for creating interesting or entertaining work to everyone desperately trying to cheat their way into an audience so they can then scam them with various schemes
Either invent a purpose for all the other THINGS in there or remove them so I have more room to think.
Going through my annual list of top inventions: shout out again to bathrooms, hell of a place to go to to just think for a god damn second.
Paul Atreides nuts.
Shirley Temple walks like ET.
This movie fucking rocks.
Just saw my first Shirley Temple movie (Bright Eyes) and I have exactly two thoughts, threaded below.
A “Malcolm in the Middle” revival is set for Disney+, with original stars Frankie Muniz, Bryan Cranston, and Jane Kaczmarek set to reprise their roles
what
Enjoyed this Daniel O’Brien piece so much. I haven’t read such a humorous long-form piece since “How to Fight Presidents”! I literally used DOB as an example of hard work and perseverance when raising my kids and myself. Thank you @danielobrien.bsky.social!
(Spoiler: It's 4,000+ words about an airplane safety video for an airline that died six years ago.)
I'm on hiatus from my comedy writing job so I decided to fill my time with some comedy writing! 1900hotdog.com/2024/12/nerd...
Putting this on my calendar even though there's no release date. It's just on every day in 2025 until new information comes in.
This author signing with this publisher must have led to a lot of confusing back-and-forth when sending the announcement to the trades
I am ALWAYS asking this.
Spider-Man Spider-Man Wicked Witch of the Spider-Man Look to the Western Sky That’s where you’ll See me fly To him Life is an Emerald City He will defy gravity Wicked plus Spider-Man
In case you didn't know, I have an extremely one-sided (free) book club. danielobrien.substack.com/p/daniel-obr...
Holy SHIT!
Didn't we all think Michael Fassbender would have a better career? What happened, there?