His doctors warned him about going to these.
I have an audio equipment business for headphones, amplifiers, and DACs. I've tried most of what's on the market and love talking shop. https://dunring.com/
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It's called a guilt trip. Don't worry, the new AARP AI Chatbot has a big selection of virtual grandchildren.
When you have that many dancers and backup singers, there's no room for bridesmaids.
You can't compete with someone of the age where they can draw a crowd by pooping their pants.
You can only have fun with a friend who has hush money. I'd hate to live in a world where bribery is illegal.
For privacy they can rent an abandoned submarine base for the wedding.
I still go to watch them lose. The cheap 72 ounce beer buckets take the edge off.
It must have been all the National Guard soldiers guarding the signs out front.
In thousands of years our ancestors will discover the mysterious lost island of Manhattan.
Emergencies like this is what designated dog walking areas are for.
It should be a cool name like Montezuma's Revenge If it's explosive diarrhea.
Hitting like to their avatar is just as good, without the chance for an unwanted pregnancy.
Binge watching Toddlers and Tiaras and Dance Moms is never a good idea.
A lot more car crashes now that all stoplights are the same color.
The king size Bed Bath and Beyond pillow smothering diet is good for vegetarians.
Have to be eccentric first, then train as an artist. They only pay top dollar if you're damaged goods.
They want the new White House ballroom to be a regulation size basketball court.
It's a steak sauce burrito. It's why Taco Bell doesn't have a Michelin star.
Enjoy it now, because her next album will be titled "Soccer Mom".
The next executive order will be voting Democrat or Independent is insurrection.
That sounds like the first day of school when you smell that floor cleaner they use. Same exact feeling.
We have to rush for all the other end times events before the mid terms. Revelations is going to be a NYT best seller under non-fiction.
If you call it lobbying, it's not illegal. Like cheating on your spouse when your drunk, it's not really cheating.
It's a bruise from breaking all those seals of the apocalypse.
Same for people when you go to a water park.
All those meat packing plants aren't going to clean themselves.
With the ethnic cleansing here and Gaza, there sure is a lot of Holocausting going on these days.
His nickname on campus is Momus, and his passive aggressive girlfriend Eris. If they ever conceive, they can call their kid Oizys.
I'm going to keep using aerosol cans until Mt. Ararat unthaws Noah's ark.
They should have been busy pooping to make the ship more buoyant.
I just go there for the "buy 2 get one free" discount on marriage licenses.
The Subway reward app terms of service looked suspicious with it's blackmail and extortion indemnification clauses.
Always cut the blue ground wire first when defusing a bomb.
Printed newspapers, considered by kidnappers the "golden age of ransom notes".
The key is bring your neighbors dog in, and let him roll around in all the other bedrooms.
Also the water used for laundry when a tea drinking peemergency turns into a peetastrophe.
At least he can still play for Civil War reenactments.
If his name is from the Periodic table of elements, it's one of Elon Musks kids.
Also every live newscast has someone getting dragged into the back of a van with a hood over them.
Does the alien play golf and try becoming dictator? Otherwise it's not going to be scary enough.
It's easier to hoard t-shirts than the five rusting Camaros in your front yard.
AntiFox News Network would have been more fun. The Multiple Sclerosis patients were planning on using that.
It's been like this since the Make a wish foundation allowed the kids to do online gambling.
They probably tried re-gifting them after carving a little mustache on them.
Yes and now they're followed 24/7 by armed agents. Apparently their Democrat lawmaker ankle monitors are still on backorder because of the tariffs.
Make a video using interpretive dance and semaphore flags to tell them aloha. It works as a greeting too.
Only if there's a hot tub and adult size bounce house in the back.
This is where the "alternative facts" exhibits get installed.
A female Subway customer can tell how attractive she is based on the number of meatballs in her sandwich.
If it's big enough to hold a red light saber and bottle of Scotch, count me in.
Wasn't his ex-wife a bus driver?
And when at her parents, he'll listen to all the things his mother in law was right about since their last visit.
It's the soundtrack to tours of the ex-girlfriend wing of my mental hall of regrets.
Stay calm, blend in with the crowd, and they'll think your someone's emotional support pigeon.
Wait until Stephen Miller gets done converting all the bathrooms to "whites only".
Free nuclear power for Bitcoin mining, what's the opening bid?
Peer pressure is the problem. If you don't shotgun that Budweiser tallboy, the terrorists win.
I only speak with my friends using interpretive dance, and semaphore flags.
Also leave lots of toy gun decoys around the house, to distract them from the real one in the couch cushions.
It makes sense to live in Hawaii, they get unlimited access to active volcanoes for free.
He'll be downloading copyrighted material in no time.
Now I'm going to have the theme song from the movie "Xanadu" by Olivia Newton John in my head all day.
He saw the South Park episode with Mecha-Streisand, and heard about the Jewish space lasers from MTG.
I took a break from putting boxes inside other boxes to read this. Go team.
It's a volunteer force, and they're forcing people to not want to volunteer for it anymore. Stick it out until the mid-terms, and see if the cavalry arrives.
I'm bringing my emotional support penguins for dinner there tonight.
He's holding a vial of green Kryptonite, when blue Kryptonite is the one that makes humans healthy.
It's even more exciting when the entire pool turns red during the Orca feeding frenzy.
Bringing along a designated driver is always a good idea. 9 year old's are easily bribed with nachos.
I also line up the tater tots, so they don't know which will be the last to die.
I only take medical advice from someone with lots of malpractice insurance.
And women want to make a video of the childbirth, which nobody wants to watch. Men want to make a video of the conception, which everyone wants to see.
When they wrote the 2nd Amendment I'm sure one said: "It's perfect, nobody would ever want to own a cannon".
Time with someone facing 20,000 charges of kidnapping Ukrainian children will divert attention from the Epstein pedophile scandal.
Buy an inflatable boat and make your friend Captain, so he can legally marry you in your living room.
A brain tumor the size of a walnut is a small price to pay for the fruity bouquet of a chemical witches brew.
Maybe his sources are good, he is the expert on committing crimes.
They apparently bought all the leftover exploding Hamas phones from Israel.
What kind of superpowers did they get?
This is what happens in a sport where you don't have cheerleaders to distract the players in key moments.
Are the holocaust deniers also denying this latest one?
I bet they offer free daycare. Name your kid after an element in the periodic table to qualify.
At least they don't need to hire a sportscaster team to cover the games.
With a hot glue gun, I was able to furnish my apartment with AOL CD-ROM furniture.
Maybe, but only if it was full of porn starlets who are method actors.
Buy a subscription for your favorite politician, to thank them for voting against health care.
They're just scouting drone strike locations before martial law is declared.
They came of age during Covid, known as generation K-Y.
Taking videos of war crimes is risky. Where's a Chinese spy balloon when you need one?
Go to Mardi Gras with a backpack full of bead necklaces if you want to discover new melons.
Next will be a Jan 6th riot wax museum.
Don't tell ICE agents, or we know where the next deportation planes will ship people off to.
Just unlock all the cages and make a Hunger Games out of it. Last Zoo animal standing wins their freedom.
Next will be the Army core of engineers building a presidential golf course.
Two weeks of everyone having sex in the bathroom. That's a mental image you can't get rid of.
When you get on the Adoption Agency version of the "No fly list" it's time to hit the farmer's market.
New Jersey is better. They settle their disputes with a hot dog eating contest, the way nature intended.
Please, not another Real Housewives show in the making. Sponsored by Walmart Marketplace.
