Not engaging with trolls is self care.
MANY POSTS ARE HUMOR AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY Proud Jew ✡️ memoir OUT FROM THE SHADOW published by Amsterdam Publishing. Repped by Bonnie Swanson of FinePrint Lit.
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Not engaging with trolls is self care.
I was at the grocery store and 4 self check-out lines were closed. WTF. It's not like cashiers called in sick. I am the cashier.
My wife hadn't ordered anything from Amazon in 8 days and they had one of their drivers come to the house to do a wellness check.
How are you?
My grandson's slice of birthday cake fell on the floor so he got a new piece. I tried to remove the dog hair from the first piece but gave up. Yes, I ate it. It's cake.
I love the delayed reaction of edibles. One minute I'm having a conversation with someone and the next the floor is lava.
Me: Talk dirty to me. Wife: There's mold in the shower, a pile of unwashed dishes in the sink, the kitchen floor is sticky...
Until I got married I didn't know that my breathing was annoying.
My therapist thinks I have trust issues just because I record all our sessions.
Here is the #jokeoftheweek
Server: That comes with your choice of potatoes, baked, mashed, fried. Me: Okay, I'll have vodka. Server: Me: It's made from potatoes too.
I don't get camping. You spend a few days outdoors but bring along a car load of equipment so it feels like indoors. Can't you stay at home and keep your door open to let in mosquitoes and chipmunks?
I get spam text messages all day long. “Cheap weed delivered to your door”... BLOCKED “Claim a $50 Starbucks gift card”... BLOCKED "Single girls in your neighborhood want to meet"... BLOCKED “Can you stop off at the grocery store on the way home”... BLOCKED
It was struggle 😢
How many gin and tonics can I have before my wife figures out I'm not drinking water?
When I was a kid I had to walk 2 miles (uphill both ways) to change the TV channel even in winter with no coat or shoes because there was no such thing as a remote.
I have another possible Hallmark card. Sorry to hear you stepped out of the house drunk You petted a cat that turned out to be a skunk You were temporarily blinded and got bit in the junk Next time drink some decent wine instead of that plunk
I am just one head trauma away from running for public office.
Nothing makes me cringe more than a gloved index finger searching for my prostrate.
Thank you 💙
I've been waking up in the morning for decades and it isn't getting any easier.
Do you melt together the old bar of soap with the new one or are you filthy rich and just throw it out?
This morning I thought I had come down with the flu. Turns out I had accidentally made decaf coffee.
The computers were down at the grocery store so I had to pay cash like some pioneer. And they wouldn't trade groceries for beaver pelts.
Is recognizing Palestine at this time the right thing to do? open.substack.com/pub/willieha...
This is may be the last time you hear from me. I accidentally used one of the guest towels in the Powder Room. I'm packing a bag and running away before the wife gets home.
Does drinking coffee and staring off into space count as skills or hobbies on a resume?
Does drinking coffee and staring off into space count as skills or hobbies on a resume?
I'm sorry that my posts don't show up more often on your timelines. The algorithms seem to favour bots.
I'm on 6 different meds and for each one nausea is a side effect. So which do I blame when I'm nauseous?
My wife asked me to stop at Costco to pick up a few things for her on a Sunday, so obviously she is angry about something.
Please don't be yourself. Try to be better than that.
Seating is costly.
Many people don't do it though. That's a cultural difference.
What a great time to be alive to witness a global dumpster fire.
European cafes are a place to stop for an espresso drink and pastry. It's a chance to slow down and enjoy your surroundings. In North America we have coffee shoved at you from a drive-thru window as we rush off somewhere.
Me: I've had a breakdown and need some help. AAA: Certainly sir. Where are you located? Me: Yorkdale Mall. AAA: And what make of car is it? Me: I don't have a car with me. AAA: Well why did you call AAA? Me: BECAUSE I HAD A BREAKDOWN!
Have you ever met someone that you instantly knew you would want to spend the rest of your life avoiding?
Me too!
Smoking too much weed can lead to memory... smoking weed is too much less... memory can lead weed... never mind.
Why are there supply chain shortages for everything I buy. Why aren't there shortages for things like brussel sprouts?
Once you turn 65, it's called the Boeing years because you constantly have parts that fail.
What a great time to be alive to witness a global dumpster fire.
As a descendant of Holocaust survivors I will never stop searching for family. open.substack.com/pub/willieha...
Forget about Cracker Barrel. We still got the splendor of Waffle House.
This is how you fold a fitted sheet. I'll be posting an instructional video shortly.
I need your thoughts and prayers because I need to go over to my mother in law's today to show her how to find Netflix on her TV.
Hot single grandmas in your area looking to model compression stockings for you.
I've been around!
My pleasure Victoria
Thanks
I am running for mayor of the great city of New York because I want to keep it great. #MNYGA
Asking people's opinion on my new voicemail message. Yes? No? @sarahlwalks Listen to voicemail by Sarah Walker on #SoundCloud
7:30am: egg white omelette with mushrooms 10am: apple 12pm: cut up fruit with yogurt 3pm: banana 6pm: grilled chicken with salad (light dressing) 8pm: frozen yogurt 830pm: 2 cookies 845pm: 4 cookies 850pm: 8 cookies 9pm: bag of Doritos 930pm: Big Mac and fries
I'm sorry I have all I need at the moment. And it was free.
This is just a hypothetical and not directed at anyone in particular. Is there any longer anything that would make a person ineligible for political office?
A young woman asked if I wanted to be her Sugar Daddy. I said I don't have that kind of money but would she be interested in a Bittersweet Daddy.
Barista: What can I get you? Me: Small coffee with milk and sugar. Barista: You mean an Americano. Me: No , just a small coffee. Barista: Like a Caffe Misto? Me: No! I just want a small coffee with milk and sugar! Is that possible? Barista: Sir, have you tried Tim Hortons?
I am not a hater. I feel sorry for people who hate others. That hate they direct at others will eventually consume themselves. Then they lose their humanity.
Are tomatoes fruit or vegetable? Discuss among yourselves.
Welcome to Canada. One day it's 90°, the next day it's 60°, and the day after is an extreme air advisory from forest fires.
Raccoons are only interested in restaurant recommendations and are checking your trash for samplers.
They say money doesn't buy happiness but it does pay for my happy pills.
🤔
Lol
The kids across the street have a lemonade stand and are selling it at $4.99 a glass. They claim the lemonade is made with water from artesian wells and lemons from the Amalfi coast. Welcome to the suburbs.
I discovered the secret to getting a good night's sleep - it's called chloroform.
People are making fun of the felony sandwich assault charges but have you ever been struck by a stale bagel?
Let’s stop hating people because of the gender they identify with, their religion or skin colour. Now the people who put Ketchup on everything, that's a group to hate.
Before getting married there should be a basic test, things like buying a sofa together, assembling a dresser, filling and emptying a dishwasher.
I've decided to move into the Air Canada lounge at the airport. They got food, booze, sofas, wifi, TV, and peace and quiet.
Facts shmacts. Give me your conspiracy theories.
I admit I'm not perfect but at least I don't own Crocs.
I need an emotional support Bavarian.
Yummy
Is there anything sweeter than Hawaiian Punch?
I wanted to have a bowl of cereal today, but I was out of milk. So, I melted some vanilla ice cream and poured it over the cereal. I recommend this and remember breakfast is so important.
I'm going to take a break from social media for a while. I need to sort some things out. Also my family is going through some rough times and I need to be there for them every minute I can. Ok I'm back!!
I never understand why people drive in the far left lane and stay within the speed limit. Don't they know that lane is for speeding and reckless driving?
I know what genocide looks like. open.substack.com/pub/willieha...
Beginning next Monday, my joke posts will come with a label "Not to be taken seriously". Removal of the label is punishable with jail time and a fine.
Humour done right can be a great relief to bad situations. I know it's not appreciated by all but it is possible to find relief in humour even in our darkest hours.
Me: This has to be the most depressing Friday ever. Wife: It's Wednesday. Me: See you too.
Amazon didn't deliver to our house on Mondayor Tuesday. I was shaken to the core that it might be the start of the apocalypse.
Winston Smith in the Ministry of Truth must be very busy these days.
I know you can see Russia from Alaska but can you see Europe from Newfoundland?
Teslas are available for $9,999 at Costco but they come in 3-car packages.
When I was at the grocery store, they played my favourite song. Later in the day, I was in an elevator and heard it again. Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum is catching on again!
Trauma invalidation post October 7. open.substack.com/pub/willieha...
That's very beautiful
I finally have to admit that I’ve been lost in an IKEA store for the past 3 days. I hate asking for directions so I’ve been living on Swedish meatballs and sleeping on a futon. My phone is at 13% so this might be it for me.
Email from dental office: You have an appt Friday at 2 pm Voicemail from dental office: You have an appt Friday at 2 pm Text from dental office: You have an appt Friday at 2 pm Receptionist from the dental office in my kitchen during breakfast on Friday: You have an appt today at 2 pm
I suffer from PTSD. My life has triggers. Some days it's like trying to walk through a minefield. I am one comment, one email, one news story away from an anxiety attack. With every success there are landmines waiting to rob you of any pleasure. I work every day at healing.
I sometimes feel like Superman. That is, if Superman was exhausted, was in debt, had anxiety, and was living in a house with kryptonite insulation in the walls.
It's the 9-month anniversary of the release of OUT FROM THE SHADOWS and it's #9 in Canada and #13 in the US for Holocaust biographies. Thank you to the many readers who have read my family's story.
