We’re working on it. That’s all I can say for now. Subscribe to The Onion.
We’re working on it. That’s all I can say for now. Subscribe to The Onion.
More from Newsom’s press office.
A judge ordered the sale of Alex Jones Infowars today, clearing the way for The Onion to renew its attempt to buy the notorious conspiracy-fueled empire. "We’re working on it," @bencollins.bsky.social tells @status.news www.status.news/p/washington...
Gavin’s posts are the roast equivalent of beating someone with their own golf club.
None of this is ever going to get me to watch CNN. This is just rage-entertainment. Fuck everything about this.
Glenn is also the moron that asked Zelensky why he wasn’t wearing a suit.
I love how the kitty blinks once, then the eyelids get heavier and heavier😂
NEW: In June, ProPublica reported that the FDA has given more than 20 foreign factories a special pass to send drugs to the U.S. even though they were made at plants the agency had banned. Today, we’re publishing a list of those exempted drugs.
For the record, I’m against basing our government on 2000 year old fairy tales of nomadic desert goat herders.
I’d like to see the Epstein files, how about you?
here's today's post: "somehow, DC Republicans are always the victims of every crime that never happened the most" — what are the chances? thanks for reading, and please sign up for my daily newsletter so you never miss a post —
This is A+ trolling
For what? Getting beat up by a girl?
Y’all out here complaining about Jizzlane Maxwell’s cushy camp cupcake prison digs & work release perks need to remember FL GOP AG’s let Jeffrey Epstein OUT of jail every day so he could go back to his mansion in Palm Beach and molest schoolgirls. Not a joke.
Ok this is my laugh for the night.
pretty willing to believe that Tom Cotton’s interns have “no go zones” in DC, such as keeping at least 1000 feet away from schools and playgrounds
The Reagan Administration started it. But everything that came after; Rush, Fox, NYT, WSJ, O’Reilly, Carlson all the way to trump, was just a snowball rolling down hill, gathering steam.
The pink polo sub guy making this place feel like twitter back when it was good
We should have thrown this dumb mfker in a cage after Jan 6 and never looked back, now USA is f’n joke.
😬
IIRC, a small pocket in NJ, by the sound shops, where we used to go to lunch. BTW, some of the best subs outside of Italian Beefs in Chicago I’ve ever had.
I worked in theater and travelled the country for 15 years. Worked in KC, Baltimore, DC, Chicago, Providence, Memphis, etc, etc. The only place I ever felt unsafe going home after the show at night was NOLA.
I stand by every word I said here
Bernie always loved Ginger. He just didn’t know how to express it.
"If you live in Alaska, I need you to buy a Ukrainian flag and turn any area that Putin is going to be into a sea of Ukrainian flags - so many that, when Putin lands, all he's going to see is just yellow and blue."
The problem is the LEOs are fascists. They’re loving this. Total indemnity to be their worst selves. And get paid for it.
There’s nothing unit for Donold, so he’ll never try it.
Not all Republicans are pedophiles, but all Republicans who support Trump support pedophiles.
SI is the best. They basically rebuild you. It seems a lot because they like to start with 10 visits, but once you complete those, you can schedule weekly, bi weekly visits as necessary.
Ever tried Rolfing or Structural Integration? My favorite type of massage.
I’ve known he was a pedo since Katie Johnson filed a complaint against him in 2015. The article about Epstein’s sweetheart deal in the Miami herald/Acosta named as Sec Labor confirmed it.
In 2029, they’ll be walking in and standing in front of graduated stripes on the wall.
fresh pierogi
Bowser: "I think I speak for all Americans -- we don't believe it's legal to use the American military against American citizens on American soil."
Did you hear the latest on the #EpsteinFiles? t2 is still in the Epstein files. t2 is all over the Epstein files. There are still tons of Epstein tapes with t2. Do not let the Epstein Files slip into oblivion. #RELEASEtheEpsteinFiles
But I was told by everyone on the right that the only person who could deploy the National Guard (or prevent the deployment of the National Guard) was Nancy Pelosi.
Several people have remarked how happy I seem lately. Three things I did in April: Moved out of my shithole apt, Quit watching MSNBC (except for All In and The Last Word)* and QUIT TWITTER! *And I’ve been so busy I only catch the highlights once or twice a week.
Decided to check out Twitter. My observations: 1) It's a cesspool filled with right wing trolls. 2) Other than those trolls, it's pretty dead. 3) Speaking of trolls, it's clear I'm living rent free in the heads of the Orange County GOP and their new chair, who are kind of obsessed with me. 🤷♂️
Raskin: In any event, if he really cared about public safety in DC… he would not have pardoned 1600 insurrectionists and violent cop beaters on his first day in office.
And PR, too.
DC statehood is now an imperative. No more dicking around. Next Dem majority, get it done immediately.
It all depends on what your definition of “the best” is. Obviously Cankles Caligula’s definition is “nubile young Eastern European teenagers that know they’ll be deported if they report sexual assaults.”
Temu Kremlin
This is what pure hate and disturbing religious beliefs lead to. I’m with George Carlin. I pray to the Sun. There aren’t a lot of BS stories that wind up getting even more twisted by warped human minds attached to the Sun. And…the Sun doesn’t care who you love. www.nytimes.com/2025/08/08/u...
Kinda crazy how Dean Cain Sorbo’d himself. I guess he’s going to be acting in White Nationalist Jesus flicks from here on out.
Well done!
Yup.
I remember when the world went crazy when someone kicked a 50+ yard field goal to win a championship game in the 60’s.
How old is Herb? Have you had him his whole life? I have a friend who has a tortoise she got when she was in jr high. He’s 50 now.
See my avatar.
You took Harvey Milk's name off a Naval ship
Their history of getting their asses kicked? That history?
Backstage at the Copacabana, 1940s.
Yet it will be the Epstein ballroom
Juss tryink to enjoye #Caturday in peese! Get an life Momb!!
"Get it all on record now. Get the films. Get the witnesses. Because somewhere down the track of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened." – Dwight D. Eisenhower, Germany, 1945
the face of a baby craving attention
Sounds like this survivor of Epstein and Maxwell is saying she'd take Trump pardoning Maxwell as an admission of guilt, which sounds like a smart message.
In fairness, they also continue to support their pastors and priests.
LEFT: Where our government incarcerates a person who has a tattoo in honor of a family member. RIGHT: Where our government incarcerates a person who has facilitated and/or engaged in the sexual assault of over a thousand children.
Good morning sunshines 🌞
Well, he’s got a point. Most of trump’s supporters only have half a brain.
He LOST. YOU win. (You knew he wanted YOU to pay his lawyers and his legal bills, right?)
A total of 12 people have walked on the Moon. Most people can name at least one (Neil Armstrong). Some can name two (Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin). Few can name more than that. Jim Lovell never walked on the Moon, but everyone knows him as the guy who got his crew back safely. Hell of a legacy. RIP.
👇👇
Sure Andy. As soon as you move out of your house and turn it into a shelter for battered women. Like the ones you assaulted.
Well, when you put it that way!!! 😂😂😂
His money came from pimping and blackmail. The “fund” his clients “invested” in was just money laundering of the money he charged them to fuck little girls, and the money to keep quiet about it.
Kristi Noem melted down over her face melting down on South Park. 😂
From a long time ago -
Hey Cankles Caligula, you’re right. No matter “what you do,” they’re not going to give the Nobel prize to a convicted sexual assaulter and accused child rapist.
"Zohran Mamdani is a job-killer, not a job-creator," continued Andrew Cuomo. "Not like me. I've created jobs. Mortuaries, mass grave facilities managers, trauma therapists, pepper spray salespeople, sexual assault hotline operators -- they'll all tell you. That's what I told my good friend Don."
Via @courtwatch.bsky.social, DC's Metropolitan AME Church is suing the Hudson Valley Proud Boys and Jan6er William Pepe for copyright infringement. 😘 storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
Send her to El Salvadore.
How long before he starts wearing a golden wreath on his head and a toga?
Trump is building himself a golden ballroom, and has already built himself a golden Oval Office and paved over the Rose Garden. He hates dogs. He hired a woman who shoots puppies to head ICE. He is a disgusting, vile person to his very core.
Adolf Hitler used the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin to promote fascism. I hope the world deprives Donald Trump of that same opportunity 92 years later.
📷 Francesca Woodman #photography #art #blackandwhitephotography
If Kamala were POTUS none of this would be happening. We wouldn’t be in dumb ass trade wars and suffering under the weight of insane tariffs. Our universities wouldn’t be imploding. Our tourism industry wouldn’t be devastated. ICE wouldn’t be terrorizing our communities. We wouldn’t have
Ghislaine Maxwell has been barred from participating in service dog training while in prison because of her crimes. I feel like if prison officials don't trust you around dogs, you shouldn't be eligible for a pardon under any circumstances.
If there is an undocumented person who lives on your street now would be a good time to let them know that they can come into your home like they own the place if they come home and see ice in front of their place. Say it with me "Mi casa es su casa" Pull into our space and come on in.
“Medium income” 🤡 @megancnbc.bsky.social
Kiddie Diddler on the Roof Starring Cankles Caligula
Welp. If I had to see it you did too 🤢🤢🤮
A family of swans is feasting on algae and duckweed in one of the ponds at our home on Long Island. 🦢
We have to fight fire with fire.
Remember when Vice President Harris bought a few quality cooking items at a French cookery store with her own money and legacy media melted down? J.D. Vance literally used the Army Corps of Engineers to manipulate a public waterway, so he’d have an easier time kayaking and it’s a blip on the radar.
Every day, Cankles Caligula and the GOP broadcast that they have no intention of allowing a “free and fair” election ever again.
Give them no peace!
