happy labor day
I am a pension fund monitor for Fremulon Insurance.
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happy labor day
While doing a charity walk to stop breast cancer, or perhaps another, worse one, I saw a deer with a broken leg and stopped to help, splinting the wound and donating $1000 to a charity for environment. Hours later I was punched very hard by someone. This is the only statement I will be making.
*sitting in eternal judgment room* What kind of life did you lead? I dunno, pretty good I think. One time I wasn't heard from for a couple days and literally most of the world get super excited, but overall pretty good
nobody has seen the president in three days [burping and rubbing my president shaped tummy] that’s crazy
This is likely, and also it's gonna happen again like 30 times in the next year
Sounds like a classic pay-it-forward scam
[Bill Cassidy looking down at corpse of chicken he has fucked to death]: That chicken should not have been fucked that hard
I think maybe you misunderstood the tone of my post.
I think maybe you misunderstood the tone of my post.
There is something deeply wrong with a country that chooses to make running for their lives part of kids’ back to school ritual. When we finally passed a gun safety bill in 2022, mass shooting began to drop. But it was an unacceptably small start. We must do more.
This is sick freak shit to say and it's alright to point that out
This line of bullshit makes me incandescently angry. I can only imagine how much worse it is for a parent who has lost a kid because of this grotesque worldview.
There can’t be any gun restrictions because we have to protect against federal government tyranny, and if kids get shot we just have to live with it. Also the President can send troops to cities because the federal government can do whatever it wants. These two ideas are consistent and reasonable.
There's only one other thing I wish for which is that International Hand Committee finally gives you the award for Most Perfect Hands, because your hands are perfect, they're the healthiest hands.
Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it
The biggest problem we have as a society is that we haven't done enough for businesses.
Does one person in his orbit have even a shred of self-respect?
Bunch of Desantis goons wading out, trying to paint the swamp
Also FWIW Grisham hit this dinger at the (actually) fake stadium in Tampa. The exit velocity was 91.8. There is no way you should be able to homer in any stadium on a 91.8 exit velo. www.mlb.com/yankees/vide...
Yankee Stadium is the 3rd easiest park to hit a HR in. Fenway is 22nd.
Correct. What I post is fair and reasonable, because it highlights my team's successes and implies that my rival's successes are fraudulent.
How dare you apply logic and facts to my irrational whining. This is the internet. There's no call for that!
Hey lefties -- want a career high in homers? Come play in a little league stadium with a jet stream out to right!
The silence of every single democrat in the country on every single issue that I have made up in my head is deafening. And their refusal to condemn all of the made up things that no one has ever even thought of that I am writing down on this piece of paper is frankly why they lose elections.
Cool AB by the ump here
First clue of the Andrew Cuomo scavenger hunt is “get in your car and drive twenty miles north of the city to find the bridge named for my father, Governor Mario Cuomo”. There is no second clue.
It's like they think framing it as "local law enforcement" vs. "federal troops" is a clear and winning argument. How about: "Donald Trump is drunk with power, he's a dictator just like he said he would be, he's sending the FBI to attack citizens -- he's a tyrant and we have to stop him!"
the actual communication problem democrats have is this: their most prominent national figures filter everything through focus grouped lines and are incapable of plain speech
*staring at two "Let's Make A Deal" boxes, one labeled "money and freedom" and one labeled "radioactive wasp swarm"* I'll choose the money and freedom one
Great question, thank you. It's only when it benefits the Yankees. Happy to clear this up!
I voted for Trump. Then he deported my friends, slashed my Medicare funding, shut down the government office where I work, and imposed tariffs that have driven me to bankruptcy. Please donate to my gofundme so I can stay in this country and vote for him a third time.
I am a child of immigrants, a Medicare recipient, and a proud republican. I knew what I was voting for with Trump and I did so willingly. Then he seized my business, sent my family to a prison in Azerbaijian and left me to die on the sidewalk. Would I vote for him again? Absolutely.
Say what you will about Rev. James Dobson, but he committed his life to being as vile, evil, and hateful as he could be, consistently, every single day. He hated his fellow humans utterly and completely, and that kind of steadiness of character is admirable in this day and age.
Some of the world's smartest people are deeply invested in the idea that LLMs are actually creative forces. They are not. They are vacuum cleaners attached to a firehose.
I ain’t lookin for MS Right I’m lookin for
It’s ok to starve children if they have cystic fibrosis
*Trump sends a tank battalion to shell UCLA because a Puerto Rican student got into the Med School* Democrat Op-Ed: This is just a distraction, don't get distracted
Don't worry though, it's totally fine that the NFL now partly owns ESPN, it won't change anything, there's no journalistic problem, it's all good
Dear Mr. Putin, The children are the future. Sincerely, AnnmNmmim
Cool move by this guy
Padres so far: Single Caught stealing Double Single Line out Caught stealing Single Caught stealing They have not scored.
I wasn't watching this game but I need someone to tell me if this pitch was actually in this location and actually called a ball.
I must be right because the person in the world who has the most to gain by our country falling apart said I’m right
Jesus fucking Christ. Get your shit together, please.
‘Two Seniors,’ Says Jordon Hudson, Looking AMC Cashier Dead In Eye
Stephen Miller Tears Up As Son Says First 14 Words
Trump angrily barking at his aides to track down and fire the Secretaries of both Math and Causality
The Twins are just an AI-generated list of names at this point
We’re working on it. That’s all I can say for now. Subscribe to The Onion.
Let this be a lesson to dictators everywhere. If you attack one of our allies, *we will give you a bunch of valuable stuff!*
This is so fucking embarrassing, for a million reasons
The absolute pinnacle of Twins-Yankees games. The Twins' leadoff hitter singles. Next guy walks. Third guy HBP. Bases loaded, no outs. They score one run, *do not get another hit the entire game*, and lose 9-1. Just absolute chef's kiss Twins-Yankees action. www.mlb.com/gameday/twin...
it's wild to post this when a more realistic version of it actually happened and it was conservatives who refused the treatment
I’m a little down in the dumps right now. I need a video of Alan Dershowitz trying to buy some baklava from a lesbian
i love that these guys went to quantico thinking they'd spend their careers hunting hannibal lecter or worst case scenario entrapping mentally ill muslim teens but instead they have to redact trumps name out of thousands of boxes of sex files and then walk a beat
Congrats to all federal agents who voted for Trump -- he has you doing minimum wage mall cop security duty in his front yard so he can feel powerful
A teenage 4channer was beat up by two 15 year olds in DC, which was spotted and quickly stopped by nearby police. He told his friends, the richest man in the world and the Vice President of the United States, that he was pummeled by a dozen adult Romanians. A week later, Trump federalized DC police.
If only there were a recent example of people destroying a famous piece of Washington DC, out of which we might make an example
Sending in federal troops and taking over a city police department on an easily debunked lie, just curious if the it's-not-fascism people want to weigh in
Reboot Anthony Bourdain’s “No Reservations” but with Alan Dershowitz and the whole show is just enjoying him never getting food because he’s a querulous, joyless douche and he’s constantly demanding that the Laotian street vendor or whoever denounce Hamas before he’ll try the khao jee
You kinda have to give it up to the photo editor
Hi, I'm Andrew Cuomo. New Yorkers know Broadway, we know Yankees, and most of all, we know The Cross Bronx Expressway continues east of the interchange as I-295, which begins here.[3] The Cross Bronx connects with the Throgs Neck Expressway, where traffic from I-695 merges[4].
*sits down at desk, types* Things I Know About Chicago: 1. Deep dish pizza 2. Joe Mantegna? 3. Ferris Bueller did a parade 4. Fuhgeddaboutit* * double-check, might be Philly
Green Dildo Coin. An amount spent on masked thugs and themed concentration camps that could house and feed every homeless person in America. Cage fights on a paved-over White House lawn. It really all boils down to losers who want to replace our society with a different one that just fucking sucks.
No joke I had actually forgotten who Andrew Cuomo was so I'm grateful that he wrote that
An absurd headline
But I thought once I paid the mobster to “keep my coffee shop safe” he wouldn’t come back to make more demands
It's not meant to disrespect women athletes. It's just a fucking stupid and disrespectful thing that we, a bunch of shitheads, are only doing at the workplace of women athletes.
What's wonderful about the pictures in this article is how they start normal but as you scroll down each one gets 20% nuttier. Like the home designer slowly went insane with each successive room he completed.
chatgpt 5 bring wife back. How bring wife back
AT WBZ in Boston, the woman on the left was replaced by the woman on the right, and the woman on the left is suing WBZ, claiming that this is because of DEI. www.bostonglobe.com/2025/08/07/b...
This is plainly gross and horrifying, but it's also just good business. You can buy the most powerful man in the world for like $5,000. Why wouldn't you? When you remove ethics and your own moral compass from the equation, decision making gets incredibly simple.
*listening to a parakeet speak my own voice back to me* This animal is clearly having very deep and complex thoughts about the world.
They will be called ICE Youth and when the historical parallels are pointed out they will act like it's insane to draw that comparison
"You remember that interview that claimed Nintendo of America once suggested Pokémon's beloved mascot Pikachu should look like 'a kind of a tabby cat with huge breasts?' Well some new light has been shone on it."
as the inventor of slicing a sandwich at a deli just enough that it looks like you have two clean halves but the bottom slice tears in a fucked up way when you try to separate the halves, i am honored to be nominated by our beloved president to head the food and drug administration
Out of all major league catchers, I've always thought Shea Langeliers has the most "a 19th century job referenced in a Decemberists's song"-sounding name. www.mlb.com/news/shea-la...
mRNA vaccines not only stopped Covid in its tracks, they promised massive developments in other virulent diseases, including many forms of cancer. The Secretary of Health and Human Services has just dramatically increased the number of people who will die needlessly in the coming decade.
Someone watched "Olympus Has Fallen" and wanted to see that Hydra gun system in person
Fuck it. Put a reactor on the moon. Launch a nuclear submarine into the sun. Put a brown bear in charge of the Army. Let's destroy some shit.
This is incredible
During the 2024 campaign Trump literally just said that if he wins they will "fix it so Republicans will never have to vote again" and the press was like "huh I wonder what he means by that, doesn't seem like something we should follow up on"
"Curt Snurkler, 58, an undecided voter, says both parties have gone too far. 'We need a third party in this country,' says Snurkler, who owns an illegal slave ship operating in the West Indies, and until last year was the Executive Director of the Heinrich Himmler Society in White Fist, Idaho."
You new here?
Sanchez is throwing an incredible game, which is even more remarkable based on how much he is getting squeezed
"Walk"
And what if the players decided not to play? Or to go play in Unrivaled, which pays their players better? What happens to your precious market forces then? You cannot talk S/D without acknowledging the demand for the labor, and the owners collusion to suppress that demand and thus their value.
If he builds that dumb extension onto the White House the next Dem President should convert it to the Donald J. Trump Museum of Latin American History and Culture.
That's not the right analogy. If my house were appreciating in value at the rate of a pro sports franchise, and I *knew* the rate at which it will appreciate (due to TV revenue/other guarantees), I would *happily* buy an expensive car because I know I'm getting my money back+ whenever I want it.
But you can/should pay more than you are taking in, knowing that the future value of your investment is going to be, say, 30x what you paid. They excise asset appreciation from their yearly budget reports so they can justify suppressing salaries of the labor which causes the asset to appreciate.
The Connecticut Sun were purchased for 10 million 20 years ago and just sold for 325 million but the league doesn’t make any money so it can’t pay its players
Phillies are winning it all
This is it, folks. This is the absolute craziest win probability chart you will ever see in your entire life. Ultimate WHEEEEEEEEE! @slangsonsports.bsky.social
ROMAN REIGNS
um. www.wsj.com/world/middle...
First 25 fans who show up to the Twins game get free uniforms and gloves.
