Lord of the Dance moves
I have a shiny, smooth coat and a precise, internal clock for my meal times My Art: whatmaddness.com Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ld6amztvyqa6dkyfpuw7agz3/feed/aaapf3fwo3rya
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Lord of the Dance moves
this would have (embarrassingly) scared me way too much before it *ever* triggered my “I can fix him” response
My sister told me there was a guy in her dorm her first year of college who would “pretend to be possessed every month” I asked her what made him do it, and she looked very thoughtful and said “I think he just liked having girls take care of him”
the air purifier comment made me laugh out loud because there have been two running near her nonstop
I’m clutching my pearls while crying and throwing up
KRANGAROO
I spent like 15 mins doing this bc I also wanted to know what kind of salt my dog would be
oh HELL yeah
eating room temp clams and then feverishly contemplating my legacy for 4 straight days
The buffet that makes you old.
Unfortunately it's too late, I've already portrayed myself as the cool dog stealing sausages and you as the humidity riddled furious kitten.
😘 (and then 👊)
It doesn’t ask for any personal info? I mean aside from how I’d react if I was asked to join a conga line
Nope!!!
we are now apparently ARCH ENEMIES Nick. I’m updating my files to reflect this.
get someone else to lick them
whatsaltareyou.com I am yuzu but I strive to be fleur de sel
answering the “what salt are you” quiz with the way I really am and then once again with the way I hope to be
for when you begin construction: textfiles.com/underconstru...
Built like this (A Bureau of Land Management Mustang that's been fed on alfalfa whilst in holding) by the way
Lmaoooo Snaffles the Pony is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met in my life
oh yeh. she a big gorl.but who among us hasn’t indulged in some alfalfa from time to time
my superpower is using every tool in the kitchen to make a recipe with "one-pot" in the title
Or at the very least a life size painting of a person with the eye holes cut out
I was hesitant to give out too many of her aliases in case it interferes with her many crimes
pls know that I let her know
This is Clementine aka Clamentine aka aka Clamham aka Clooney Tunes aka Boopydebops
Much like "crab", industrial music is constantly re-evolving from first principles basically anywhere where there's a bunch of metal and plastic laying about
👹
Rudy Giuliani happened to be in the middle of one of his favorite pastimes - RESPECTING WOMEN - when he suddenly broke every single bone in his body. Please do not call and ask any questions because his business partner is taking care of him ❤️
I'd always want to be a robot, but robots didn't exist in House so I'd agree to be the maid but in my head I was a ROBOT maid like Rosey from the jetsons so it was all good to me.
You son of a bitch, you broke my heart! I’ll see you in court!
I did this exept simulated dramatic divorces. My parents arnt even divorced i just Did It
looool this is so cute
Me: “feed me a sugar cube! Don’t curl your fingers in or I’ll bite you 🤓” You: “eat lead, motherfucker!!!!!!!!”
brb texting your mom to throw you in the stocks for this
it’s so important to be the one to make sure your sisters don’t colic
literal lol
What is joking around
lol ok wait, I can’t have idiom misunderstandings after the 9/11 thing. Dyed in the wool means “thoroughly imbued” aka “hella” or “extrèmely”
the house ones do
Buncha 8 year olds complaining about their mortgages and lower backs
everyone (after 2 mins): “I don’t want to play this anymore”
Yeah. Horse, the game.
Hope that makes sense
My little kid brain folded in on itself like Inception because horses can’t play basketball (what with the hooves and all?) so I argued about what Horse really was and the kid just shrugged and left. Anyway, that’s all kind of what that weird house with the doors all feels like.
Except it was the basketball version
Fast forward 3 years and some random kid asked me to play Horse. And I cannot even begin to tell you how immediately the fame of being the inventor of Horse got to my head
If they didn’t buy it, then we’d play house, but I’d beg to be the House Horse. Which was essentially the baby, but horse.
A popular playground game when I was 8 or so was “House” where we all pretended to be parents (is this still a thing w kids?) Except I was (and still am) a dyed-in-the-wool Horse Girl. So. I’d try to gaslight people into thinking the game was actually “Horse” (a similar concept, but we’re horses)
We literally cannot talk about it because I get so angry. Why did no one question me changing a one-hour zoom to 6 hours? Also, why would I just state it’s rescheduled with “10-4” instead of “heyyy everyone sorry to do this” like some sort of psycho. Also, no one confirmed? It makes me apoplectic.
this is giuliani’s 9/11
9-11 good buddy
10-4 🫡 (never forget)
It caused such a ruckus in the family that we’ve all agreed not to talk about it anymore. Second, a friend I’ve known forEVER and have said 10-4 to like 1000000 times finally stopped me and asked me wtf it meant bc the whole time he thought I was joking about 9/11 and didn’t understand the joke.
Saying “10-4” instead of “ok” has gotten me into some funny situations. First, Christmas 2020, mom schedules a family zoom for 9 am. Attendance mandatory. I respond, “10-4.” 9 am rolls around, I’m the only one on. Everyone thought I wanted to change it from 10a-4p. A 6 hour family zoom? No questions
Le tits of an angel
everybody teased Nelly for keeping the band-aid on for so long but joke's on them because you can't even see the scar 🩹
My shirt came and it’s the best thing ever
Walls that get dusty: uhh okay. Fuck
and CEILINGS? Isaac Newton would shit himself.
8+5 x 2-6 Only geniuses can figure this out
pu pu
For someone who calls herself a people pleaser, very few people are actually pleased with me
the winner!!!!
Standing outside the supermarket asking people if they want to trade groceries
Melting my computer into a pure computer ingot
*gently to my cat*: you cant be a little fucker. You have to be good. No more being a little fucker. *My cat, purring*: the Being a Fucker hour draws near
Me and 4 other 5'6" 230lb men renting a 2024 ford F-350 and helping each other up into the cab
A cool thing about getting older is you hear from your skeleton a lot more
She really is, in so many cartoonishly darling ways
Beautiful. Ethereal. Awoooo
standing on our balcony yelling down to each boy and asking him “what news”
Miiiike thank you
Inside you are two wolves. Inside me is a duck and a chicken. The townsfolk call me a humucken. It stings, but I hold my head high
Leaving a flirtatious note on a bar napkin, signed with a lip print. Made with lipstick? You’d be mistaken. It’s the permanent orange glaze imparted by my prodigious consumption of Buldak 2X Spicy Ramen, that reveals an alarming attitude toward personal care and, frankly, a disregard for life
The Feeling Better Baby
Thank you, Tony! We did a 3rd vet visit today and this round of speculation / medicine seems to have done the trick 🤞🎉 party party party
i’m not built for being seen or heard. I should only be texted. occasionally i can possess another, and visit in a dream. I prefer text
Big fan of ‘em. (And you, of course)
Thanks man. Compliments mean a lot to me
lol what assholes!
It did! Young and also it was snacking on some peanuts and birdseed that a neighbor left out so perhaps worried we were about to take off with its dinner. The only time I’ve run into them around here is late at night and they’re always so skittish! This tracks tho
Thank you!
Is this weird behavior for a raccoon? Like too curious/close? Too early in the evening?
It is almost time for me to commune wordlessly with the neighbor’s cat, my temporary ward. We wander the moors together,, of our minds
the care bears blew all my limbs off with their tummy beams cause i guess i wasn't being kind enough to my friends or something? anyway, didn't help
I trust and hope it’ll accept Madses as well???
Everyone loves my new invention, The Mattapult, except for Matt. Fortunately, a solution now exists!
It is helpful! Thank you!
Clementine is now refusing to eat or drink (but still wants to play?) The vets are stumped as to what’s happening. We’ve officially ruled out parasites. She’s not responding to Imodium or Cerenia. Vet doesn’t think there’s a blockage but I guess we’re going to do scans next to see? So frustrating!
oh no I let all of my little tasks pile up and now I’m overwhelmed
YES! And on the surface people think AI is going to (somehow?) boost innovation, but it’s rotting brains at the speed of friggin light
How will I know how I sound running into battle if I don’t practice? Gym Manager (holding the treadmill plug): No
That’s why you gotta remove the hands!!
God grant me the serenity to read comments online, the wisdom to disagree, and no mouth or hands
just a xX-straight edge-Xx boo
Anti-Manatee Propaganda 