I know things this perfect can’t really happen, but what if Trump is following a treatment regimen suggested by RFK Jr.
Improv performer/teacher at UCB in NYC, guy who talks about A.I. a little too much. He/Him.
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I know things this perfect can’t really happen, but what if Trump is following a treatment regimen suggested by RFK Jr.
A robot vacuum cleaner with an AI voice that says “this apartment is DISGUSTING”
I’m sure he’d settle for 10% of the action
If Trump nationalizes the MLB I’ll die laughing
🙏
“Melania laughed at the request and turned it down” is a slightly different story than what I heard lol
The reason I think an authoritarian takeover is currently underway is the authoritarian takeover currently underway
Dear high profile politicians who are not pro-fascism: Get yourself arrested now while people will notice, or you’ll be arrested later when people don’t notice.
But all the other places have a ton of mob fights, he is right about that, it is a very real thing that actually happens constantly, mob fights
The irony that this post is a super clear example of the very first word on the list
It’s like this comment section has never heard of precogs or Precrime smdh
We must compromise and only have half-fascism
Okay but what if their hands are INVISIBLE
I mentally associate you with a bunch of wonderful projects/shows now, but my UCB Status-Chaser Lizard Brain still categorizes you as “that guy who came out of nowhere and was (deservedly) successful right away.”
Not excited for a 14th amendment challenge based on who qualifies as a “person” 😨
Okay, but what if the TV show they’re watching sells them miracle medical supplements approved by Dr. Oz, and THAT’S why they’re magically able-bodied???
“We just have to outlast Trump” assumes that a whole bunch of other disgusting people will say “that was fun, but let’s voluntarily give up our power now”
Gang, I’m starting to suspect that billionaires might be a tad worried about the Mamdani candidacy! 🤔
“Death”
My hottest take is that politicians who commit war crimes should be put on trial for war crimes
To be replaced by beef tallow
Okay but what about paintings of cars
Seems like the kind of place it would be easier to have a little accident.
I wish we had the option to cut off funding to the storm
Trying to salvage my TikTok fyp by only watching every 5th video about Epstein
It’s disrespectful to my deceased father that all these algorithms keep sending me links to articles they think might interest me, to truly honor his legacy they should cut the articles out of physical copies of newspapers and magazines, to be kept in a drawer until the next time I visit home
Odd how the sign doesn’t line up correctly with the edge of the building… I feel like AI is usually better about that kind of thing.
It’s 2025, at dinner tonight my 4 year-old told us about a funny podcast she recently heard
My pastor says Jesus won’t return yet, we are still too woke 😢
Am I the only one who assumes a pardoned Maxwell would pretty immediately have a tragic accident, which would then be blamed on whatever Trump enemy she named? At this point, why WOULDN’T that happen?
BUT HOW CAN THIS BE
Yes, yes, AI will destroy humanity, whatever. BUT WILL IT BE WOKE??????????
But what if a li’l accident happens between the testimony and the hypothetical pardon?
SHOCKED they haven’t tried to issue a crypto stimulus check yet
OKAY BUT MEXICO *IS* GONNA PAY FOR THE WALL, RIGHT????
You mean the thing he… has to do?
Could this have been the moment when we branched off from the main timeline
“Owners, get it done” 🤌
What a shattering moment when Trump found out his pal of 15+ years had been SECRETLY trafficking children the WHOLE TIME they were partying with girls who were definitely 18 and above! He should share that heartbreaking story!
Just throwing it out there that if Trump truly did a doodle of a naked woman where his signature was the pubes, there is literally zero chance that it was the only time he did that doodle
I guess you weren’t
IS THAT ME?
No YOU’RE up too late
Any rich NYC person who moves to Florida because of Mayor Mamdani should be PUNISHED by being forced to live in Florida
aka “deplorables”
Hi, have you given any more thought to leaving Twitter? No? Wow. Okay. Really? Like, are you at least considering it? Maybe?
They won’t believe Trump was involved unless it’s 100% proven he visited an imaginary pizza dungeon
Have they added ICE to Paw Patrol yet
🙏
It surprises me that nobody’s tried explicitly combining crypto and MLMs yet
Okay but I heard this is actually gonna happen in about two weeks from now, probably
Humans have a hallucination problem
I’m sure some toxic and morally reprehensible company will scoop her right up
Two skeets further down my timeline, there’s a Grok tweet saying the latter is the historical leader best suited to lead us in the present day. Is it possible Grok is on ketamine too?
If you’re still on Twitter at this point, what exactly would it take for you to leave? What if Grok was inserted into a robot and the robot did hate crimes, would that do it?
The roads WOULDN’T be crowded if they’d just allow Mr. Trump to turn on the giant car faucet
Now I’m DEFINITELY not voting for Biden again, thank you New York Times!!!
Just wait until they find out that Green Lantern is part of an interplanetary peace keeping force
Grok told me that if the whales could speak our language they would beg us to drill baby drill
He seems really innocent
I read this as “Slavery 2.0 will have robot overseers”
Well, my brain is broke
What the doctor does NOT tell you about vasectomy recovery is that your two young children will accidentally kick you in the balls literally six different times over a four week period, and two of those times will be perfectly aimed full-on karate kicks to one individual testicle (the left one)
The “thank you for your attention to this matter” thing is such a perfect meta-move in the “impossible to pay attention to ALL the evidence he’s insane” game
I have never fully understood nor enjoyed an emoji, confessed the old man
it’s absurd that NYT forced him to delete these skeets, which … convey the factual information that Zohran Mamdani is, in fact, a man of South Asian descent who was born and raised in Africa, and that the pseudonymous source of the hacked material is a white supremacist eugenicist.
10x ICE will affect every single one of us
No reason?
Let’s. Try. Providing. A. Contrast.
What’s your goal here? Name the party responsible, defend your members from them. If you won’t, why do you exist?
The entire purpose of my engagement-free Bluesky account is to provide my future captors with evidence of thought crimes
Cool, so that was the whole plan? And now we shut down the rural hospitals and 10x the ICE funding? Great. Good work, everybody. NEW RECORD!
It feels nice when another weird person has the same depressing opinions as me
Nothing more American than trying to rush a monstrous bill through Congress before the 4th of July holiday in order to avoid congresspeople getting cold feet when they visit home and their constituents scream at them for being spineless hypocritical pieces of shit
Hi maybe the non-evil politicians should try new tactics too
Can we trick them into doing the Galt’s Gulch thing? It could be on Mars!
Oops, should we have not created a culture that worships rich people
I’m no tech guy, but is “conference call with tens of thousands of people” actually a thing? I feel like that might not actually be a thing.
Rent free in his head
A lot of us owe JD Vance an apology! As a disciple of hardcore transhumanist Peter Thiel, JD may have actually been trying to SAVE HUMANITY by creating a human/couch hybrid
Anybody else doing #noaijuly?
Peter Thiel is the conspiracy theory Singularity
It’s a pretty big deal to see @sarahkendzior.bsky.social cautiously say there’s a spark of hope. Hey NYC, maybe vote in the Mayoral election in November, assuming they’re still letting us vote by then?
So embarrassing
I mean, what are YOU using ChatGPT for
From context I’ve been assuming it’s something the young folks say to mean “the spectrum of the left that’s afraid of being called socialist”
It worked 😲
When this guy visits from France he exclusively shops at C-Town
We’ve made it clear we’re not interested in Cuomo, so I’m sure he’ll leave us alone now
Tired of taking no joy in being proven right, gonna try to start believing in some cool/fun things
“Brilliant, sir!”
AI is terrifying, here’s an AI song about that
I use AI to predict what the terrified people will yell at me when I mention I use AI for something for which they themselves DO NOT
Is he trying for a do-over
Grifters in 2025 are like “I wish I could go back in time and tell my young grifter self that some day everything is going to be amazing”
Oops, it turns out that their gender does NOT affect your gender! Aren’t you relieved? You can be true to how you feel inside, and so can they! Doesn’t that seem like an easier way to live? Won’t that be less upsetting for you? Yay!
Hi Texas! You’re cool with this? Because this seems like maybe something you wouldn’t be cool with. Right? Texas?
They figured out a loophole where if they’re bad at fascism and sloppy with it, the media will be like “okay but can we REALLY call it fascism?”
Don Trump