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BREAKING: Keir Starmer has announced the fifth major relaunch of his leadership! His inspiring new slogan is "delivery, delivery, delivery", but since he has no policies to deliver, he has vowed to shut down all refugee hotels. This is better than affordable bills, isn't it? x
I think I'm gonna be sick x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/huge-confu...
BREAKING: In his latest bid to win over the public and show he is a man of the people, Sir Keir Starmer has revealed that at weekends he likes to paint crosses on roundabouts and shout at hotels x
BREAKING: The government has held an emergency meeting to see how it can avoid acknowledging that the 500-member International Association of Genocide Scholars has declared there is a genocide in Gaza 👀
Poor Melania x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/melania-in-mourning-after-president
BREAKING: Americans are in mourning as reports emerge that the President of the United States has tragically been found alive and well 😭😭😭
Americans are going to be absolutely distraught if their fears about President Trump prove to be correct and he is in fact still alive 😳
this is a huge relief x normalislandnews.substack.com/p/israel-has...
All the nicest people love Rylan x normalislandnews.substack.com/p/rylans-ant...
BREAKING: Israel is about to launch a pre-emptive strike on Iran in self-defence. Our leaders are now preparing speeches to condemn Iran's unprovoked retaliation. Isn't this exciting? x
BREAKING: The BBC won't be sacking Rylan Clark because its presenters are only forbidden from expressing political opinions that are unreasonable, such as objection to genocide x
All the nicest people love Rylan x normalislandnews.substack.com/p/rylans-ant...
BREAKING: Israel has clarified that it did not target the journalists, but it did target the Hamas camera, and the journalists both were and were not terrorists, but it did not target the journalists. I trust this settles the matter x
Just accidentally bombed a hospital twice with my remote-controlled drones and sadly I killed a bunch of innocent people, but don't worry, I said "sorry" so everyone forgives me ♥️
this is a huge relief x normalislandnews.substack.com/p/israel-has...
BREAKING: Nigel Farage has vowed to deport 600,000 "illegal migrants" by which he means sending 111,000 asylum seekers to the taliban and rounding up a further half a million random black and brown people. As you can imagine, racists are delighted with the plans x
BREAKING: Australia has responded to Israel's double-tap attack on the Nasser Hospital in Gaza by.... expelling the Iranian ambassador and proscribing the IRGC 👀
Daily Mail readers will be talking about her sacrifice for generations... www.normalisland.co.uk/p/lucie-conn...
This was such an easy mistake to make normalislandnews.substack.com/p/israel-acc...
This was such an easy mistake to make normalislandnews.substack.com/p/israel-acc...
You don't understand, Israel accidentally bombed the journalists in the hospital and when the rescuers arrived, it accidentally bombed them too 🤷♀️
Daily Mail readers will be talking about her sacrifice for generations... www.normalisland.co.uk/p/lucie-conn...
BREAKING: David Lammy says the famine in Gaza is "wholly preventable" and when he finds out who has been arming Israel and training their soldiers, he is gonna be having angry words with them x
BREAKING: Lucie Connolly has lamented that free speech is diminishing in the UK because you can't even call for buildings to be burnt down with innocent people inside them without being held accountable 😭😭😭
BREAKING: Israel has emphatically denied that 83% of those killed in Gaza are civilians. It has pointed out that while it has killed 8,900 Hamas fighters, the total death toll is around 400,000, not 53,000, meaning the civilian death toll is only 98% x
Who else can't wait for Netanyahu to control the whole internet? x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/as-idf-ach...
BREAKING: Rachel Reeves has found the solution to the NHS's woes. It is... wait for it... more privatisation! Aren't you fucking thrilled? x
He is the Labour Party's Liz Truss!
She has vowed to fund the world's only non-violent terror group x normalislandnews.substack.com/p/sally-roon...
BREAKING: Israel says it had no choice but to increase its bombing of Gaza City after disturbing reports that Hamas had agreed to the latest ceasefire proposals x
BREAKING: The far right have not called for all white men to be kicked out of the UK after a white British Labour councillor was convicted of raping a 15-year-old girl 🤷♀️
She has vowed to fund the world's only non-violent terror group x normalislandnews.substack.com/p/sally-roon...
BREAKING: No. 10 has confirmed Sally Rooney will be be committing a terror offence if she funds Palestine Action, but Keir Starmer will not be committing a terror offence if he arms Israel x
she's taking no prisoners
This is what moral clarity looks like x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/police-con...
This is what moral clarity looks like x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/police-con...
BREAKING: Israel is considering banning the UFC after a Muslim won the middle weight title in dominant fashion and kissed the Palestinian flag 😭😭😭
BREAKING: Police have confirmed they did not arrest the protesters holding a "kill 'em all" banner outside an asylum hotel because it's not like they did something really bad like object to genocide x
loooollllll!
Let's be honest, we would all do the same x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/president-...
BREAKING: Iran has launched a completely unprovoked attack on US airbases in the Middle East 😭😭😭
BREAKING: Israel has bombed a fourth hospital in Iran, but don't worry, we only get upset about that sort of thing when the hospital is in Israel ♥️
BREAKING: Israel says it is hopeful the war with Iran can end this week. It's amazing how much quicker ceasefires can happen when the other side is capable of fighting back, isn't it? x
Well, this is a heartwarming story, isn't it? x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/serial-chi...
BREAKING: US President Donald Trump has officially confirmed that he is on the Epstein list ❤️
BREAKING: The US says it is optimistic that the Iran war will be as quick and easy as the 20-year war with Afghanistan when we replaced the Taliban with the Taliban ♥️
The rules-based order, folks x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/the-uk-is-...
BREAKING: The US has decided that nukes are so bad that it must nuke Iran to stop Iran from getting a nuke, otherwise Iran might do something really bad like use a nuke, and using nukes is really, really bad, unless we do it, in which case it's fine x
BREAKING: The BBC has explained it can't air the Gaza Medics documentary because it could give the impression the BBC is biased against genocide x
BREAKING: After bombing every hospital in Gaza to find the non-existent Hamas command centre, the Israeli government is hiding in a command centre under Ichilov hospital in Tel Aviv. Don't worry though, it's fine when Israel uses human shields x
BREAKING: I must bring you the upsetting news that Israeli settlers have kicked the crap out of Netanyahu's son in a bomb shelter. Turns out they hate each other as much as they hate everyone else 😭😭😭
BREAKING: Israel has reacted with panic to Trump's announcement that he will take two weeks to make a decision about joining the war because there won't be an Israel in two weeks 😭😭😭
BREAKING: A 77 year old country has decided that a 6,000 year old country has no right to exist x
This is awkward... www.normalisland.co.uk/p/israelis-h...
BREAKING: Iran has justified toppling high rise buildings, saying in each case it had reason to believe a single Israeli operative might have been inside. It has thanked Israel for establishing this as a rule of war 👀
BREAKING: The country that has bombed every hospital in Gaza multiple times has released a statement saying bombing hospitals is "totally unacceptable" x
BREAKING: I must bring you the exciting news that there is a 50/50 chance the US will nuke Iran and this will lead to a full nuclear exchange with Iran's allies and then the world will end. It's antisemitic to oppose this ♥️
Thank god for Jeffrey Epstein... www.normalisland.co.uk/p/israel-is-...
BREAKING: President Trump has explained he has no choice but to commit genocide because the alternative is that Israel releases the embarrassing tapes it has of him x
BREAKING: The country that bombed every building in Gaza and gunned civilians down while they were queuing for food says that Iran does not respect civilian lives 😭😭😭
Life is much simpler when the other side can't fight back www.normalisland.co.uk/p/israel-wan...
BREAKING: Israelis say it's unacceptable that they've had to experience for two nights what they've made Palestinians experience for 20 months 😭😭😭
BREAKING: Sir Keir Starmer has dragged the RAF into World War III without a parliamentary vote because he really does not want you to know what he was doing with those Ukrainian models x
BREAKING: Israel says it is delaying its response to Iran's wave of attacks until it can identify where all the schools and hospitals are located x
BREAKING: As news emerges that Iran destroyed Israeli military bases, the US says it's sending its aircraft carriers to the region so Iran can destroy them too x
The Americans who can't have healthcare can't wait to fight another war for Israel www.normalisland.co.uk/p/americans-...
Americans are hugely excited to hear their warships are heading to the Middle East to fight another unwinnable war for Israel. This is much better than universal healthcare ♥️
Question for Americans: If Israel falls, what happens to all the US senators it owns? Like is there a shelter you send them to until you can find a new owner? x
BREAKING: Turns out the iron dome was made out of wet paper 😭😭😭
BREAKING: As Israel reacts in horror at the bombing of Tel Aviv, Iran condemns Israel for its use of human shields 👀
BREAKING: Benjamin Netanyahu plans to bravely hide in an underground facility with human shields above him. Just so you know, that sort of thing is only bad when Hamas does it ♥️
Israel has a right to defend itself against peace talks that were about to succeed www.normalisland.co.uk/p/israel-has...
BREAKING: Israel has explained it had no choice but to bomb Iran due to the serious concern that peace talks with the US were about to succeed x
BREAKING: Following Israel's self-defence strike that involved murdering scientists, military chiefs and civilians in their homes in the hope of starting World War III, there are fears Iran could launch a totally unprovoked retaliation against Israel. Why is Iran like this? x
It's totally fine to do this to Palestinians x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/israel-say...
BREAKING: Western politicians in huge panic as Iran reveals it has obtained all of Mossad's kompromat among the classified files it has obtained 👀
BREAKING: Sky News has explained it deleted that clip of Greta from Twitter because it's not allowed to show people accusing Israel of genocide. Isn't our free press brilliant? ♥️
BREAKING: The UK government will sanction Itamar Ben-Gvir and Bezalel Smotrich after noticing they are the only two people in Israel who are committing genocide ♥️
It's totally fine to do this to Palestinians x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/israel-say...
BREAKING: Irish tap dancer Conor McGregor has sadly been murdered 😭😭😭
BREAKING: The brave commandos who took on Greta Thunberg and her terrorist army are being treated in hospital for exposure to baby formula. Praying they pull through 🙏
BREAKING: Huge panic in Israel as they realise the Madleen has fulfilled its true mission which was to show the world they are a bunch of genocidal cunts 😳
they are the true heroes of our time... www.normalisland.co.uk/p/israeli-wa...
At last our leaders are doing the right thing... www.normalisland.co.uk/p/uk-and-fra...
BREAKING: Israel's defence minister Israel Katz has said Greta Thunberg is antisemitic for trying to feed starving people in Gaza. Presumably, the only way to not be antisemitic would be to support the mass starvation of Palestinians ♥️
BREAKING: Israel in panic as aid ship enters Palestinian waters carrying weapons of mass destruction such as milk formula and medicine 😲
At last our leaders are doing the right thing... www.normalisland.co.uk/p/uk-and-fra...
This is only what she deserved x www.normalisland.co.uk/p/dawn-frenc...
BREAKING: Dawn French has apologised for telling a "one-sided" story of a genocide which involved suggesting genocide is totally wrong without mentioning it might be okay when Israel does it x