Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my Super Idiot Drink
Polish writer, comedian, and Korpiklaani fan in Yokohama. Ask me about Godzilla, Oda Nobunaga, Bane, Justified, or sumo. Work: The Japan Times, Tokyo Weekender, Star Trek, NatGeo, The Flytrap, and McSweeney's. He/him. 日本語 OK!
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Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my Super Idiot Drink
"I don't get it," the farmer said while barely holding back tears. "He did exactly what he promised. To the letter. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?! He was supposed to do the stuff I imagined he said! It just makes no gosh darn sense...!"
The American mind cannot comprehend the feeling of strolling through a random neighborhood on your walk and finding, hidden between residential houses, a tiny bakery the size of a closet that only operates two days a week as the owner's hobby and makes the best baguettes I ever tried.
Got his ass.
One time during a walk through a random neighborhood, I found a mini Honor System stand with veggies that someone grew in their home garden. I took a few potatoes that looked really nice, put money in the box, and went on my merry little way. This is how life should be. This is what life CAN be.
I believe everyone (with obvious exceptions like disabled folks or severely neuro-divergent people) should have at least one signature/showstopper dish that is truly theirs. Mine is lasagna. It'd probably give an Italian chef a heart attack if they saw how I make it but it's absolutely delicious.
Also, yes, I am subskeeting all the guys out there who don't cook. Come on. Cooking is easy and super fun. Nobody can stop you from messing around and experimenting. I once put chocolate on Brussel sprouts and it was HORRIBLE, but at least now I know that that doesn't work. Honey on peas does, tho.
We've experimented with turning the internet off on certain days for a set amount of time. There was so much whining in the beginning but, in the end, there were board games, and DIY projects, and making silly shit out of blocks, and, honestly, those offline moments are the highlights of my week.
I tried a new recipe of my own design and my wife could not stop eating it and she looked at me with so much love in her eyes and I looked at her absolutely euphoric from making my partner so happy, and in that moment, everything was alright in the world b/c I put blended bitter peppers in my chili.
Indeed. Visually, Mortal Kombat's Raiden was based on Lightning from "Big Trouble in Little China," who himself was based on Ogami Itto from the "Lone Wolf and Cub" movies. So, that's cool!
I mean... Yes? Unless they had a breakthrough with Project Lazarus. And since there have been no reports of lizard men prowling London, I think we're safe. For now.
Actually, the American mind probably can't comprehend simply strolling through random neighborhoods without someone calling the cops on you. Here, I do that all the time, walking past people's homes (on the public sidewalk), once stopping to chat with someone about their magnificent citrus tree.
Jesus fuck, it's literally always racism with the US...
OK, let's talk about one of the greatest sumo wrestlers in Japanese history: Raiden Tameemon, a real historical figure named like the Mortal Kombat character. Both received their monikers from the Japanese god of thunder and lightning, only Tameemon actually earned his. 🧵
I don't think museums realize just how much money they would make if they regularly offered sleepovers. Millions. And that's just from me.
That was beautiful, thank you.
Aw, thank you! It's all an act, though.
I know now where we will film the season finale of Ghost Puncher.
Weird, you said "knowing your luck" and then said something awesome. I'm going to fulfil my dream by plunging my fists into holy water, purification salt, and the ashes of some saint, and beat the ectoplasm out of some ghosts. Then film it and sell it as the new hit reality show Ghost Puncher.
This maybe applies to stories where a singular Hero saves the day but Andor was different. It was a tale of organized revolt that didn't glorify the struggle, showed how people fighting against the same enemy aren't always on the same side, and preached against passivism. Felt different.
Dear Jesus, I see what you have done for others and I ask the same for myself.
I mean, it's not mandatory. Yet.
In the US the main problem is the insanity of their zoning laws. Now, to be fair, this did originate out of a good place. The original laws were trying to stop asbestos factories or TNT stores (I assume those exist) from being built near schools but NOW you can't build a grocery store near a suburb.
YEAH! They should offer that to adults as well. Kids can't fully appreciate how goddamn sick it is to SLEEP at an aquarium! But I would!
I don't think museums realize just how much money they would make if they regularly offered sleepovers. Millions. And that's just from me.
Dear Jesus, I see what you have done for others and I ask the same for myself.
The American mind cannot comprehend the feeling of strolling through a random neighborhood on your walk and finding, hidden between residential houses, a tiny bakery the size of a closet that only operates two days a week as the owner's hobby and makes the best baguettes I ever tried.
To be fair, many Bothans died when I sent them to get some coffee. Very death-prone species.
Yeah, the MK character has nothing to do with the sumo wrestler. They just both get their name from this guy, Raijin, aka Ikazuchi-no-Kami, Narukami, Raiko, or Raiden-sama (Lord Raiden).
I'm planning to up my sumo posting. People are surprisingly into it and I love talking about it!
Still can't believe that someone from a Star Wars TV show became one of my favorite characters of all time. What even WAS Andor? How the hell did it happen?
Once again, for the record, this is a joke, and Rove should be in prison.
This is a very sensible headline in an article arguing an important and well-made point. Now, I'll just slowly lower my gaze to check who wrote this while taking a BIG sip of water...
These three Star Trek characters should start a club for people who spent decades in simulated realities! They can drink tea and have cake and talk about all the cool stuff they experienced as they lived decades in seconds!
Batman is going to fight Chronic Constipation.
Still can't believe that someone from a Star Wars TV show became one of my favorite characters of all time. What even WAS Andor? How the hell did it happen?
That's why my screen is all wet now. To be clear, this is a shitpost. Rove is a shitass who shouldn't know a moment of peace.
My inner-linguist is forcing me to call "Darmok" the best TNG episode, but "Inner Light" is right on its tail. Best Trek episode overall, though? For me that's "Duet" from DS9. Some of the lines from that episode still make me tear up. youtu.be/k8AaLFuGLlc?...
This is a very sensible headline in an article arguing an important and well-made point. Now, I'll just slowly lower my gaze to check who wrote this while taking a BIG sip of water...
These three Star Trek characters should start a club for people who spent decades in simulated realities! They can drink tea and have cake and talk about all the cool stuff they experienced as they lived decades in seconds!
I JUST said it was chronic constipation!
No, it's definitely chronic constipation.
Batman is going to fight Chronic Constipation.
The cool thing is that Raiden kept a journal because he was literate and was actually good w/ words. That's how we know he wasn't angry about the yokozuna snub. He comes off as a bon vivant who loved life and fighting and didn't care about titles. We can learn a lot from him. Thx for reading! 8/8
Raiden is often mentioned when people talk about the most famous yokozuna in history, even if he never reached that rank. He is also often described as a "peerless sumo wrestler." So that's something. He was even made into a character in the "Record of Ragnarok" anime! That's also something! 7/?
Some say it was b/c the clan handing out sumo titles had beef with the clan sponsoring Raiden. The more interesting explanation is that, to become a yokozuna, you must lead a "virtuous life." That wasn’t Raiden’s speed. Story goes he once gulped down 9.5 gallons of sake in a drinking contest. 6/?
Raiden was so powerful that sumo organizers actually banned some of his favorite moves because his matches ended too soon and people were complaining. Despite this, he dominated the ritual sport for 20 years. But, weirdly, he was never named "yokozuna," the highest rank in all of sumo. 5/?
His legendary feats of strength include lifting a cart above his head, lifting a tub his mom was taking a bath in (not sure why), or hanging a 200lbs boulder on his plow when he worked the fields before becoming a wrestler. Legend also goes that he once ripped a guy's arm off during a match. 4/?
Despite his size, Raiden was reportedly also incredibly fast, really earning that “thunderbolt” sumo name. This combination of massive force and explosive speed allowed him to score 254 sumo wins and 10 losses. That's a winning percentage of 96.2%, the highest in recorded sumo history. 3/?
Born Seki Tarokichi (1767 – 1825), the man they called “thunderstorm,” “thunder and lightning,” or “thunderbolt” (the meanings of “raiden”), was one of the most physically powerful men in JPN history. He stood 6’6” (1.97m) tall and weighed 373lbs (169kg). In feudal JPN, that made him a kaiju. 2/?
OK, let's talk about one of the greatest sumo wrestlers in Japanese history: Raiden Tameemon, a real historical figure named like the Mortal Kombat character. Both received their monikers from the Japanese god of thunder and lightning, only Tameemon actually earned his. 🧵
"Can the rest of us learn anything from his radical approach?" Oh for sure. We can totally learn how goddamn pathetic it looks to not age with grace.
Tax cuts for the rich?
The only way to beat Republicans is to become them and help them win!
If a climate-change fire tried to burn down my house, I'd simply debate it in the marketplace of ideas.
"If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything." - Letterkenny
TWO pineapples.
Sí.
"Get in, loser. We're going to the Loser Center in the Loser Car."
I cherish each one of my gray hairs.
I want to bully them so much. I want to knock lunch trays out of their hands. I want to fill their lockers with shaving cream.
"Get in, loser. We're going to the Loser Center in the Loser Car."
Every single way in which I broke my body tells a story. Mostly it's a story about how dumb I was. Still, though I may be a walking collection of jokes, there's no other book like me out there. And that's not nothing.
"Can the rest of us learn anything from his radical approach?" Oh for sure. We can totally learn how goddamn pathetic it looks to not age with grace.
The right have an inherently submissive mentality. This is why we need to retire the narrative of "Ppl only support powerful monsters b/c they themselves want to be powerful." Maybe on a smaller scale. The truth is these bozos want to be ruled over and lick boot and they WILL make it our problem.
Ultraman Belial spotted!
$0.4 in 1938 is a little over $9 in today's money. A great deal for two full bags of fresh produce. The guy is right to be in a hurry. This is clearly a razor-margin, high-volume, fast-pace operation and Nancy is STANDING IN THE WAY OF THIS MAN'S LIVELIHOOD! Take her away, boys.
It's 6:00 am (somewhere). Do you know where your birth certificate is?
Bringing this with me to the golf course to intimidate all the other players and their tiny pencils. Just kidding. All golf courses should be closed and turned into farmland.
$0.4 in 1938 is a little over $9 in today's money. A great deal for two full bags of fresh produce. The guy is right to be in a hurry. This is clearly a razor-margin, high-volume, fast-pace operation and Nancy is STANDING IN THE WAY OF THIS MAN'S LIVELIHOOD! Take her away, boys.
The right have an inherently submissive mentality. This is why we need to retire the narrative of "Ppl only support powerful monsters b/c they themselves want to be powerful." Maybe on a smaller scale. The truth is these bozos want to be ruled over and lick boot and they WILL make it our problem.
Millennial/Gen-X horror stories.
It's 6:00 am (somewhere). Do you know where your birth certificate is?
Crowd interaction at the Frog and Bucket
Winning hearts and minds in the marketplace of ideas:
Winning hearts and minds in the marketplace of ideas:
Well, America has a diverse food culture, plus you have Mexico and Central America. Lots of goodies there overall.
I'll miss Hokkaido miso ramen, but other than that, it's gotta be D. Chinese and Thai and Indian will more than make up for the loss of Hokkaido. Basically endless variety. And I also see part of Greece and Sicily! Yeah, D is clearly the best.
Okay, the first @marvel @DCOfficial crossover in decades just came out, with a lead story by the greats, @zebwells and @GregCapullo, and a bunch of shorter back-ups by huge talents. It is a delight. I am so happy this book exists. Gorgeous art, great stories! Happy!
We need a purge night for eating mayonnaise out of the jar in the shower.
Bringing this with me to the golf course to intimidate all the other players and their tiny pencils. Just kidding. All golf courses should be closed and turned into farmland.
We need a purge night for eating mayonnaise out of the jar in the shower.
this would theoretically provide power long enough to play the monorail episode of The Simpsons, which is all we really need electricity to do these days anyway
This is what happens when you put a $100 bill in the vending machine.
This is what happens when you put a $100 bill in the vending machine.
I see trees of green, green roses too. I'm wearing green-tinted sunglasses. Nobody said this was a song.
Oh indeed but Statham's elevator scene? Pure cinema.
I'd also be quite happy with B. Polish and Finnish cuisines are very dear to my heart.
Initially I wanted to post "Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins" but I see that it has a 74% Popcornmeter! Because audiences sometimes recognize a solid action movie with some wonderfully weird shit in it.
Don't listen to the haters, "Revolver" (2005). I'll always love you.
I'll miss Hokkaido miso ramen, but other than that, it's gotta be D. Chinese and Thai and Indian will more than make up for the loss of Hokkaido. Basically endless variety. And I also see part of Greece and Sicily! Yeah, D is clearly the best.
I choose the incest version because without it my post does not work.
I see trees of green, green roses too. I'm wearing green-tinted sunglasses. Nobody said this was a song.
I'm *pretty* sure I saw Jim Gaffigan across the street in Tokyo when he was performing in Japan. I got to interview him before the show but it was all via e-mail and very short.
[On homosexuality] "People make such a fuss. Anyway, in my opinion there’s not enough love in the world." - Terry Pratchett, "Unseen Academicals"
Janice and Kerry need to eat an entire bicycle. No brown sauce.
